Im a mess

[Lou]

Hi,
i think i need some help....i have fallen off the wagon in a major way. I have everything iv ever wanted in life and i think i may have lost it all...i have the most wonderfull partner who adores me (well did anyway) and i have started drinking again, i dont know why...im just pathetic, i spent xmas with him and his family and i got so drunk i dont remember anything and now i think im gonna lose him. iv cried for about 10 hours solid and im absolutely devastated and so ashamed of my behaviour....i dont know what to do anymore...i dont know why i do this to myself

Lou Lou x

[Delta Moon]

Im a mess

God loves you, Lou

[Skinned Knees]

Im a mess

Lou,

I wish I had some fabulous words of wisdom like others in this forum, but I don't. The only thing that I can think of is ... have you told your partner that you're having a drinking problem and need his help and understanding? You would be surprised how those that really love us react. I feel so bad for you. I know exactly what you are going through. BTDT BIG TIME! I'm sorry I can't offer you more help, but know that I am here and care. :l

SK

[Lou]

Im a mess

Thank you St John....but im not sure if he does, i know i dont deserve him to love me...i dont deserve anybody to love me

[Skinned Knees]

Im a mess

Lou,

That is so not true. I truly believe that God loves everybody no matter what they do. I'm not going to go into the religious aspect because not everybody believes what I do. But I do know that you need to love yourself in order to heal. You're not a bad person. You're somebody who has a drinking problem. I do believe it is a disease, and like other diseases, you need help in getting well again.

I am bipolar and I get alot of shit for taking the meds that I have to take to try to find some normalcy. I just look at them and say "when you need an antibiotic to get well ... do you take it?" It's the same with a drinking problem ... It doesn't matter what the form of help is, just as long as you get it to help you heal.

Sk

[Lou]

Im a mess

Thank you sk....i too am bipolar and its so hard, i hate sounding like im just feeling sorry for myself but i cant deal with things like other people can....add that too a crap childhood and a shit load of trauma and you get me...messed up confused and trying to be "normal and fun" by drinking...i cant stand being me anymore, iv been here so many times before and i just keep messing up again and again. iv hurt my partner so much, he really loves me but he cant deal with me being like this, it scares him...i just feel like such a horrible person

[kaponium]

Im a mess

Lou - great stuff for reaching out! Put DOWN that bloody drink, you can start again - and all the CRAP from your slip WILL subside.....ONLY YOU CAN DO IT, BUT DO IT YOU MUST!

[startingover]

Im a mess

Oh Lou, I can so relate to everything you say....just trying to deal with life and act normal is such a struggle isnt it? And we always think our answers come from the bottle or another chemical means...
Well, I think you are beginning to realise that approach simply doesnt work. There is another way and it takes work and courage, but you have it, of that I am sure.
At the moment you are scared, ashamed, and hungover. You need to get passed that before things will begin to look brighter...and they will..
Ok, so today, right now, start looking after yourself...rest, water and some nourishing food. Water is so important to get your system functioning properly again.
Then you can start to plan your future...your partner sounds lovely, and yes he may be angry right now but that wont last forever..
Can you enlist his help?
The first thing I would do is read the book, that will give you some ideas of how to move foreward. There are loads of things you can do to help yourself. Supplements, Hypno CDs and meds if you need them..plus getting lots of love and support from here...
Stay close and let us know how you are OK?

[Lou]

Im a mess

Thank you starting over for your kind words, its so nice to hear from people who understand...i need to try and get some sleep and get a grip of myself im just all over the place at the moment. i hope i do have the strength to do this because i just cant deal with failing again

[Arial]

Im a mess

Dear Lou,

Hang in there - we're here to support through all ups and downs - sometimes we have to hit rock bottom in order to start clawing our way back up. I've just re-joined the forum after a year struggling with problems/traumas and having fallen off the wagon big time - and during that time actually choosing NOT to come on here because I didn't want to stop drinking and face my failure. It's taken a year for me to wake up, after having put my children through yet another year of confusion, worry and upset.

Why do we do it? - Wish I had the answer to that one - I suppose there are both physical and psychological reasons - but the question is not why, but how to stop it. There's a fabulous thread in 30 days abbers (I think that's where it is) with a 'tool box' that people have put together to help people find the ways that will help them beat this thing - it is all out war and there are ways to beat it - but you need to find the things that will help YOU.. Look at the ways others have found worked and see if they can work for you too. You seem to have an amazing partner and if he's prepared to come on board with you then how about letting him read some of what goes on here so he can get a broader perspective - to know that this is not a problem that is unique to you and that you are to be applauded for your efforts to regain control of your life?

Keep coming here, keep posting and keep in touch! We're here for each other, fighting the same battles and heading, hopefully, in the same direction!

Warmest wishes,
Arial

[Seacailin]

Im a mess

Dear Lou
We have all done things that we are ashamed of whilst drinking. You cannot change what has happened, but you can change where you go from here. You have been given some great advice already. Stop beating yourself up. It will not help. As far as your partner goes, just remember, Actions speak louder than words, especially if he's heard it all before. I wish you well, and I will be here for you.

[Trying Tessie]

Im a mess

Hi All,

I drank on New Year's Eve. I knew I was going to. Felt the pain of it yesterday. I was really trying to cut back at least. But now I know I want to stop completely. I will just have to stay away from certain places. Working and doing other things that keep me from AL is my goal. I didn't drink yesterday. I hate thinking about it all the time. I do not drink every day but do when we go out. Never been one to get up and start drinking. I just party a little too hard. I sneak some sometimes too and that could really turn into a major deal. My hubby does not drink and always watches me like a hawk so it is time to just stop. He used to drink and do other things so he knows I struggle.

I am really tired of the struggle, so here is starting over. I have the book and have been on the site before so here I go.

This is a New Year and I can do it.

[Skinned Knees]

Im a mess

Hi Tessie :welcome:

Don't have much time here to post but just wanted to say welcome, and we're glad you're here.

SK

[kitkatsue]

Im a mess

Trying Tessie,

Your positive attitude is key. Good luck to you!
I will work on my attitude.


kit

[Lou]

Im a mess

Me and my vodka

Hi all,

So we worked it out (with a few lies from me) and he drove a 6 hour round trip to come get me because he couldnt stand to spend new yrs without me...and we did have a lovely time i wasnt wasted and i didnt make a show of him or myself. The sad thing is that i had to drink just to be normal....and i know that sounds like crap...but id been drinking so much previously that if id just stopped i would have started with withdrawals and i could never let him or anyone else see me in that state. I know its still shit but i drank the bare minimum....i had vodka in a water bottle an just sipped enough to stop me going in to withdrawal. Im back home now and i have 2 days alone to go cold turkey....i am petrified, really really scared. I know iv done it before but to be honest i dont think iv ever been this far gone, i hope i have the strength to do this and i hate to sound needy but i think im gonna need quite a bit of help....if i dont do this now i dont think i ever will and i dont wanna lose everything because of booze.

Sorry for waffling....im just feeling a bit lost and confused

Lou-Lou xxx