Hi everyone

[nowandzen11]

It has been a long time since I have posted. Business has been outrageous for me over the holidays being a caterer. Thank God it's over.

Part of me feels embarrased that I haven't posted but I know that everyone here so cool, that it is ok.

My alcohol life has been kind of strange. I have to say I'm proud of myself b/c I feel like I am getting to the point where I really am mindful about how I feel after and even during drinking It just feels bad. I am discovering that I am worth so much more than that. On the flip side of the coin, although it is easier than it was to stay af, I still have the demon. I keep thinking mind over matter and it has worked more lately. I get this incredible urge to drink and I consciously choose to do it another way. If I wait long enough and occupy myself, the feeling will pass. Sometimes I give in b/c it is that feeling "i just want to have it no matter what". It is a terrible feeling and I want to be free of it. For the first time in my life, I think I can do it and that is why I'm here again.

I hope all of you will accept me back here.

Thanks and I hope everyone had a great holiday season
n&z
:h

[keepwalking]

Hi everyone

hello and welcome back. I am fairly new but am sure you will be made very welcome. looking forward to getting to know you better - good luck, have you always had the same name?

[A Work in Progress]

Hi everyone

Hi NowZen! Why don't you hang out with us on the daily AF thread on Monthly ABS? It's a great thread, very helpful with folks who have dealt with and are dealing with the kind of thinking you are describing...

Welcome back!

[BecomingMeAtLast]

Hi everyone

Hey n&z!

Of course you're accepted here, don't be silly! I hope you'll start in with the threads as WIP suggested and post more. You sure do sound determined and that's great!

Well, with the recession, I'm glad business was good for you and I hope to get to know you better.

Take care, :l
Be

[nowandzen11]

Hi everyone

Thanks

May I ask where the daily chat is on the forum? Is it listed with the other topics? I couldn't seem to find it. Monthly ABS? I don't know what that is.


Keep walking- yes, I've always had the same name.

[A Work in Progress]

Hi everyone

On the main forum page, there is a list of forums; "Introduction and General Discussion," "Goals" etc. Under "Goals" is "Monthly Abstinence." There's a thread in there that starts every day with "AF" in the name.

Also up at the top on the main page you will see a place to click for "Live Chat."

[CS04]

Hi everyone

Nowandzen,
Good to see you -- you are one of the people I had been wondering about, who hasn't been around in awhile. Welcome back! Glad you have been busy, but I know that the food biz is rough for drinkers (well if you want to quit or cut back) -- been there. Sounds like you have some good plans and thoughts. And I have been on and off these boards for 3 years, so you'lll always be welcome.

[nowandzen11]

Hi everyone

It feels good

to be here again. I took a very long nap which I really don't know if I can call a nap. Regardless, I needed it. Now I am awake so I am doing a few things before I try to sleep again.

Yes CS, the food biz is a bitch for someone who is trying not to drink. I don't feel as "obligated" as I did to have a drink or 60 after an event. What I am struggling with at times is working with wineries here in CA. and the tasting thing is not something I want to do but sometimes have to. I can't tell the winery people "well, ya see- I have a potential to not be able to stop drinking so this taste will start a downward spiral." yeah, right.

I've declined and don't give a reason or I tell them that I have to work and don't mix the 2.
It is always accepted.

As I mentioned, I feel more confident than ever that I can do this. I don't know why.

I am producing my own cooking show on public access tv where I live and sent a copy to a tv production company. They loved it and sent it to the Food Network. I had to tape another show quickly to send to the FN again. I will hear something on Jan 2nd and if I get a show on the FN, my prayers will be answered. What is so weird and it feels sad is that I am already worried about the drinking thing in that setting. Why does al have to control my thoughts? why can't I just say that I'm not going to think about this crap and worry about it. Get it out of my mind? I know it's possible but I am still learning how.

Thanks again for your support and I look forward to getting to know all of you

[A Work in Progress]

Hi everyone

NZ, from your name and avatar, I am guessing you have a history of being a Zen student? If so... that could be a great support for getting and staying off the alcohol... If/when you took precepts, you promised not to allow your mind to become clouded by alcohol and drugs, right? Can you go back to the fundamentals of Zen practice, including meditation, the Eightfold Path, and a recognition of cravings as momentary, essentially meaningless phenomena, and not worth making into a big deal?

As we used to say in the Kwan Um School of Zen... Put it down!

Best wishes,

[Evie.Lou]

Hi everyone

Glad you're back...Hail Hail, the gangs all here !!!

[gyco]

Hi everyone

i wish you well,welcom back,gyco

[bestlifeldms]

Hi everyone

Weldome back! And ~ success to you, regarding you AF goals! You can do it!

[nowandzen11]

Hi everyone

zen student

A Work in Progress;505067 wrote: NZ, from your name and avatar, I am guessing you have a history of being a Zen student? If so... that could be a great support for getting and staying off the alcohol... If/when you took precepts, you promised not to allow your mind to become clouded by alcohol and drugs, right? Can you go back to the fundamentals of Zen practice, including meditation, the Eightfold Path, and a recognition of cravings as momentary, essentially meaningless phenomena, and not worth making into a big deal?

As we used to say in the Kwan Um School of Zen... Put it down!

Best wishes,

No, not a formal zen student. I am very drawn to zen and have been reading and learning about zen. I was raised catholic. I know the nothingness and philosophy would be a great help staying af. I notice when I meditate (especially in groups) it takes away the cravings. Excercise helps a great deal. It is my thinking. I need to change my thinking. The things you mentioned, work can do that.

Thank you