I Am Confused And Need Help To Understand

[sidkroken]

Hello My Name Is Antonio. I am 38 years old, I am married to a beautiful lady and have 3 wonderful children, ages 12,5 and 7 months.

I have always been a social drinker, even during my teen/college years, I would only drink on weekends when we went to the bars, so maybe 2 weekends a month and then I would only drink about 5/6 beers. Even in my adulthood and after getting married I would only drink socially, and then not many 5/6 beers.

For the last year I have been drinking about a 6-pack every night and have been feeling guilty about it and can't seem to stop. Every day while I am drinking I say to myself this will be the last night I drink and then I will stop, but I end up having the beer making me feel relaxed and refreshed from the work stress of the day. I don't duffer any hangover or any reduction in function the morning after, I do feel fine, I have no physical pains etc from the drinking etc. I guess this is my cry for help since I don't understand why I need to continue drinking and why I have a hard time stopping it.

Thanks so much for your time.

[Guest]

I Am Confused And Need Help To Understand

Hi, I guess you are new, me too. I just found this site about 10 days ago and I have gotten SO MUCH INFORMATION People here are really helpful and considerate. Welcome!
As you read and investigate all the possibilities you will start to find some answers for yourself. Good luck, sounds like you may be hunting the beast before he attacks you from behind.:welcome:

[sunshine_gg]

I Am Confused And Need Help To Understand

:welcome: Antonio!

I, too, rarely ever had a hangover (even after 2 big bottles of wine) but I really don't think that says anything about our state. I'm glad you found this site; there is so much information here and tools to draw up your 'way out plan'. Good luck - please keep reading and posting.

[Seacailin]

I Am Confused And Need Help To Understand

Hello Antonio and Welcome
It seems to me like your drinking is more of a habit than a physical dependence, at least, for now. Hopefully, you can break the cycle before it gets worse. You may want to get the MWO book and give it a read. It may give you some of the answers that you seek. In the meantime, stick around. You will get lot's of good advice and support here.

[sidkroken]

I Am Confused And Need Help To Understand

Hi Guys and thanks for responding. I am actually on my third beer right now, as I promised myself yesterday i wouldn't drink today but for some reason which I don't know why I went to the store and got another 6 pack. I feel like drinking helps me relaz and makes me a more focused person. When I drink I become more articulate and become more "fun" I know in my heart these are just excuses to continue drinking and the solutions dwell deeper in my psyche as to why i need alchol at the age of 38 for a crutch to be a better person. I know its not healthy, I know its not right, but why do I always go against my better judgement and continue to do it. I know I am a very addictive person, I am addicted to cigarettes, even though I hate them and I hate the smell, I once got addicted to sinus medication but broke that habit pretty easily, I replaced it with alcohol, maybe I am addicted to the high of feeling relaxed, I am not sure. I have never tried drugs for the reason that I am afraid if I ever did, I would instantly get addicted to them and I don't want to be there. My friends say I am a functioning alcoholic, I am not sure what that means, but because I don't get violent, pass out etc etc they don't seem to be too concerned. Another way that I look at it is if I was not drinking right now and not feeling "happy" I wouldn't have the courage to post on this site, maybe the alcohol helps me be more courage's and expressive that I am when I am not drinking. I am a very shy, insecure individual always have been.

Anyway thanks for listening, I will continue to read and develop ideas as to why I am the way I am.

[gyco]

I Am Confused And Need Help To Understand

hi sid,its called a pattern,6 pack a day,means youre heading for maybe a disaster,try a couple and wait till a little later b4 u hav them,or come home and have one and maybe latr another,AL is a relaxer if taken in moderation,really no different then anti depressents,but we or i tend to always take more then i or we need and it hurts like hell the next day,trust me it will catch up i hope this helps,gyco

[Accountable for Me]

I Am Confused And Need Help To Understand

Why are you banned for a stealth registration attempt? What does that mean?

[sidkroken]

I Am Confused And Need Help To Understand

Hi Gyco, I know, you are right, I have been thinking tonight, that I need to start by cutting back, maybe have 4 a night then 3 then 2 and then 1 etc to gradually ween my dependence on it.

Hi Accountable For Me. I am not sure why it says that, I know that when I joined yesterday I got a message saying I was banned or something so I e-mailed admin and they said everything was fixed, I have never been on this site before so i am not sure why it would do that.

[IAD]

I Am Confused And Need Help To Understand

Sid....I worked for NSA for 35 years. I had a very high Clearence. If you have'nt done anything wrong.....then their investigation is incomplete. Don't worry. Boredom can cause one to drink more than you want. find something else to do. A Hobby, get out of the house. Do something for the church, community, etc. IAD.

[belovedconsole]

I Am Confused And Need Help To Understand

Why You are OK

You told us your story in such a way that it was obvious to see that you had simply become more acclimated to alcohol and now required a larger amount to achieve the previous high that you were fond of acquiring, in a fairly disciplined way.

Now you are feeling bad because you have and want more.

It is both physical and psychological.

Physical, in that you need more.

Psychologically in that it is affecting your vision of yourself; you are condemning yourself.

You have described your family, your pride; what is your job, is your job stressing you out? Someone at your job?

Or is your family stressing you out and that is too hard to admit?

That you feel so wrong for the stresses you behold.

There might be some need of self-acceptance, in here. Some need of honesty with one's self, but by all means be patient with it. When it pops out, you'll be surprised, but you won't act on it immediately, you'll watch the iterations, and you'll grow through that understanding.

The alcohol, what was once a fun pleasure with friends is now a means of escape, a denial;

On certain days, you will find you can face this thing straight-on, without a drug, and see your reality for what it is. :goodjob:

[sidkroken]

I Am Confused And Need Help To Understand

belovedconsole.

Thanks so much for putting that into perspective, I had to read your reply 3 times because it made so much sense, my job is stressing me out, I need my job to ensure that my family is fanacially stable and well taken care of, sometimes I feel like a failure because I can't give them the things they want, a new house, a new HD Tv etc, I know those are all possessions and not of importance but I feel like a failure because I can't provide those THINGS to them. The Beer does help me escape, it helps me forget about the problems that are going on.

Thanks so much (HUG)

[belovedconsole]

I Am Confused And Need Help To Understand

reply to Kroken

(original message is below this response)

Kroken, very interesting. You say you have always been such a shy person.

Have you read any books on shyness?

It's not shameful to be shy. Most shy people are very sensitive. You have a surge of adrenalin just by meeting, watching, or seeing people.

It's extremely intense, and you feel awkward.

Well, I say, own it, if I'm even reading this right, which I may not be--

Own the thing, but read books on shyness at Barnes and Noble or the library, or books on social relationships.

Be as open as possible to what you can imagine yourself as.

That is, get rid of the guilt, accept your possibilities and eliminate, reject: all negativities toward you.

sidkroken;514361 wrote: Hi Guys and thanks for responding. I am actually on my third beer right now, as I promised myself yesterday i wouldn't drink today but for some reason which I don't know why I went to the store and got another 6 pack. I feel like drinking helps me relaz and makes me a more focused person. When I drink I become more articulate and become more "fun" I know in my heart these are just excuses to continue drinking and the solutions dwell deeper in my psyche as to why i need alchol at the age of 38 for a crutch to be a better person. I know its not healthy, I know its not right, but why do I always go against my better judgement and continue to do it. I know I am a very addictive person, I am addicted to cigarettes, even though I hate them and I hate the smell, I once got addicted to sinus medication but broke that habit pretty easily, I replaced it with alcohol, maybe I am addicted to the high of feeling relaxed, I am not sure. I have never tried drugs for the reason that I am afraid if I ever did, I would instantly get addicted to them and I don't want to be there. My friends say I am a functioning alcoholic, I am not sure what that means, but because I don't get violent, pass out etc etc they don't seem to be too concerned. Another way that I look at it is if I was not drinking right now and not feeling "happy" I wouldn't have the courage to post on this site, maybe the alcohol helps me be more courage's and expressive that I am when I am not drinking. I am a very shy, insecure individual always have been.

Anyway thanks for listening, I will continue to read and develop ideas as to why I am the way I am.

[belovedconsole]

I Am Confused And Need Help To Understand

giving and giving

This reply is in response to the quote below.

K,

Maybe you should share with your wife, your feelings.

Honey I need to tell you something I am really stressed because I can't give you things you like, like a new car, micernave oven, HDTV, PS3, and so on. And I can't get those drapes, you wanted, either.

I am feeling so inadequate because I feel like I am supposed to, but cannot supply, all of your needs, and I am very sad about this.

Now if she hugs you after this, you're okay. Everything will be alright.

If she doesn't, I don't know.

It could be that you two should work out an arrangement of dispersement of property, legally.

You can go either way, it depends on her response. Be honest with her, and let her make her choice, then deal with it.

sidkroken;514415 wrote: belovedconsole.

Thanks so much for putting that into perspective, I had to read your reply 3 times because it made so much sense, my job is stressing me out, I need my job to ensure that my family is fanacially stabl;e and well taken care of, sometimes I feel like a failure because I can't give them the things they want, a new hous, a new HD Tv etc, I know those are all possesions and not of importance but I feel like a failure because I can't provide those THINGS to them. The Beer does help me escape, it helps me forget about the probels that are going on.

Thanks so much (HUG)

[sidkroken]

I Am Confused And Need Help To Understand

I guess when I say I am a shy person, I have always been a very sensitive person, even at the age of 38, I cry at any sensitive event, weeding, funeral, bad things that happening etc, I am on anti-depression medication as my family has a history of depression, panic attacks etc, I have only had panic attacks maybe twice in my life so I think i am okay on that end. Growing up I have always been a very introverted person, I have always found solace in being alone. I am now married and have 3 children who are angels and a beautiful wife, but I feel empty and I don't know why. I do know that when I drink, which lately has been every night, I am awake, aware, functioning, more outgoing more articulate etc etc. And I don't know why.

[sidkroken]

I Am Confused And Need Help To Understand

Hi Again

The problem with talking to my wife about this is that her dad is in AA, and her sister is in AA, and I feel if I tell her I have an addiction she will be devastated. I am afraid of how she will handle it, she is a good person but very emotional.