I need help for my husband

[stigsmydo]

:new:Hi everyone, I am new to this site and am looking for some support. I married my husband two years ago on Januray 7, it was a beautiful day but he had a lot to drink before I even got there (I knew then it was going to be hard). We had a wonderful six months but then everything turned to custard. He lost his job as a car salesman due to drink driving and only just got a new job in the last month (it was nearly a year to the day). He was sick on the Monday just gone because he had too much to drink the night before and when he went into work on the Tuesday he looked so ill that his boss sent him home (at this stage they did not know it was the drink).

The problem is that when they sent him home, for some reason he decided to pick up a bottle of rum and also later on a bottle of bicardi and then later in the afternoon after numerous calls to me at work decided to ride his work bike to the pub to buy drugs.

When he first called me in the early afternoon I knew he had been drinking heavily but couldn't leave work as with one wage for a year our money is extremly tight.

My father was an alcoholic so I should know what to do, but it is harder when it is someone this close. I love my husband and want him to be healthy and to have a live but it is destroying me.

Can someone please help, I am in New Zealand but any suggestions are greatly welcomed.

[kaponium]

I need help for my husband

Hi Stigs - a really tough position you are in, but no way are you without help and support.
Perhaps you need to let him know how worried you are, and ask him if he WANTS to stop.
I am in NZ too, and have a few friends in Wellington who attend AA - so the 0800 AAWORKS is another option. Also, for yourself Alanon (for family members and friends affected by an alcoholic's drinking) is a very good starting point - you will get like-minded emapthy there and they can give you their experience, strength and hope with regard to how they coped with their loved one's battle...
Please keep logging into MWO, and feel free to PM me at any stage.
I am heading to bed soon, as I am quite tired, therefore my brain not in the most helpful mode - but please know you are in my thoughts and am wishing you all the best.

Bless you and welcome to MWO x

[gyco]

I need help for my husband

my do ,, is a very good name,does he no he has a problem,note he has to decide if he s alcoholic, you no he drinks to much,you have to decide if you want to tuff it out,and stay, i was tempted to put my wife on,i didnt get loaded at my wedding ,and also did it only a few times in my life,that i remember,ive seen my wife drunk,throwing up once in 33 years,as we go threw marriage or just living with a partner, we see many flaws,i ll be up front with you id wait till he s sober, if that ever happens, and he will have to decide between you or ,go by a bottle,or the bottle,it seems lie your the supporting person, he cant work in that state,my wife stuck it out,but if i would of been of to much drink that day it would not of happened, i do wish you well,the decision is in your ball park gyco

[MyHeartIsDrenchedInWine]

I need help for my husband

If you are the only one working and he is buying and drinking that quantity of liquor I believe you need to keep very tight control of the pursestrings. You literally need to give him a daily allowance in cash and no credit cards. If he can't buy it he can't drink it. Extreme times call for extreme measures and that is my 2cents. I wish you both all the best :l

[sunshine_gg]

I need help for my husband

:l Stigs and welcome.

Your husband is a lucky man; I hope he knows that.

I'm speaking of course from the other side of the fence... If you love him and think you are strong enough, please do support him - if and when he makes an effort to get well. In the meantime, let him know in no uncertain terms that his drinking is NOT ok with you, that it is not acceptable.

And, kapo's suggestion to join Alanon may be a good thing as well. Did you see the forum for families and friends on here?

I wish you all the luck and strength in the world!

[skinny cow]

I need help for my husband

Could you check the forum for families and friends down at the bottom of the page? Best of luck. Your husband is very lucky he met you dear

[Aussie Chick]

I need help for my husband

Hi Stigs, I really feel for you, what an awful first 2 years of marriage, you are a strong caring person to have put up with it for this long. I admire you for that.

I think you do need to have a huge talk with your husband and put a few things on the line. Tell him you think he has a problem with alcohol and see if he is wanting to seek help to get it sorted. Then you need to go all out to help him get the help he needs and back him all the way.

I think that if you go down the route of trying to control his money etc it will do more harm than good, if he wants alcohol he will get it no matter what you do, you will just send him underground and make him more secretive with his drinking. If he doesnt want to stop drinking then he wont, whatever obstacles you put in his way. However, this may be a contradiction, but you don't need to let him drink all your hard earned wages, for goodness sake pay your mortgage/bills etc before anything else - how awful if you lost the roof over your head or got into debt because of this. You've got to think about your future too and protect yourself, if he is intent on ending up in the gutter just make sure you don't end up having to join him.

I really wish you the best of luck, it may take a few tries at this but remember he is the one with the drinking problem and only he can kick it and he has to want to kick it very backly if he is going to succeed.

I too wish you all the luck in the world.
AC x x x