better off before?

[bluespaces]

i'm getting the thought that maybe i was happier when i got drunk alone every night.
i tried the topa then lost the whole order so can't take it any more.
i'm alone and have nothing to look forward to.
but i hope i can talk myself out of it..God it got pretty bad.
but i always revived myself the next day..took about 3 hrs. of gatorade etc.
no one was there to notice..then my focus was strong.
when i finished working then i drank to pass out again.
nothing has changed in my life except that i don't drink to pass out at night.
i'm lonely. i seem to be earning less money now too.
but i hope i don't start in again.

[Cinders]

better off before?

Blue,

I am not sure how to respond to this post.

If you were happy, you would not be here. If you were desperate, you would be here.

Drinking to pass out every night is not a good thing. It hurts.

Over time, it hurts more and more.

I hope you find a way to find your way.

Love,
Cindi

[bluespaces]

better off before?

look it's ok.
i posted some other stuff too about depression etc. that was ignored.
it doesn't even matter any more.
i tried.
i just don't fit with you.
i wish you all fun with your friendships here and bid you all farewell.

[Marshy]

better off before?

Hi bluespaces,

How about trying to fill your new sober time with some activity where you'll get contact with other people - sport? gym? AA meetings?

I know that feeling of sitting at home alone thinking "what's the point of stopping drinking?", but I promise that it DOES get better and you'll start to feel better about yourself.

It's a big change - from drinking to pass out every night, to then suddenly sitting there sober, thinking "where do I go from here?". It takes some time and adjustment. What are some of your goals for the future, and how do you think you might start working towards them?

[lilmea]

better off before?

Bluespaces,

I spent so much time drinking that when I stopped I suddenly had all this time to fill. I spent a lot of time here reading the toolbox thread and others post. I also added exercise which helped a lot with the way I felt.

When I was feeling better, I added a few AA meetings. It gave me some social contact with people who understood what I was going through.

It takes awhile to relearn how to live but it is so worth it. Good luck.

[Seacailin]

better off before?

Hi Blue
I am alone too. I force myself to go to AA meetings, and am actually making friends and am becoming more comfortable there. Isolation is my enemy. Anything is better than drinking alone every night. Let us know how u are getting on.

[Karl1981]

better off before?

blue i can totally understand. im the same way. and i havent even givin up 100%
Its the fucking pits. all i can figure out , is watch tv. watch any shit. it passes the time. video games?
Im not sure if your like me, but i cant be fucked going out that much or doing gym ect. but go for a drive. GO somewhere u normally turn left. then going right, and see where u end up.
But pls take a st map, as i got lost the other day

cheer up and find something you like to do. im sure it gets eayser as time passes.
if ya near an ear or anything pls pm me

take care

[greeneyes]

better off before?

Perhaps do what Karl suggested but on foot. Little air, little exercise, you notice things you don't while in a car. I think it may make you feel better in many ways. Good luck. There is much more to life but you have to get out from under the blanket of AL to see it.

[Seacailin]

better off before?

Nice to see you Karl

[A Work in Progress]

better off before?

Not drinking doesn't make life wonderful. It makes it possible for us to create a good life that can, sometimes, be wonderful. Drinking to pass out every night makes it impossible to have a good life of any description. The "creating a good life" part... it's up to us. Just like it is up to everyone, including those who don't have alcohol problems...

[nancy]

better off before?

I think you need to give this more time.

I guess our neurotransmitters linked with mood get all messed up with alcohol use. I am not a doctor, I just remember reading about it on this site. So you start getting dependent on alcohol to lift mood temporarily.

You need to quit for a while to function well mentally again. No doub the time of year, dark etc, is a factor.

And what the others said about developing new activities is also true. I think this phase of not having things to do is temporary. And you might go through some mental issues temporarily but keep holding on and you will gradually start to feel better. Passing out every night is no way to live.

Take care,
Nancy

[j-vo]

better off before?

I see something very positive in your post. "You don't drink to pass out." That is some great progress, although you can really see or feel it now, you'll come to see the differences in your body and mind if you continue down this path. Don't give up. Post here, read . . . You're making positive changes. Can you do something special for yourself since you're not drinking like you had been? Go to a movie, get out of the house? Good luck to you.

[llsadaa1]

better off before?

I can relate to Better off before. i too live alone and not working. I was AF for 10 years and then went back to the insanity of drinking. I am now AF for almost 5 mos. and it is a struggle every day. I truly believe in AA. Find a meeting that you are comfortable in. Listen to your fellow alcholics and take what you want from their stories and leave the rest behind. I also went to a mental health doctor and she gave me some anti-depressant pills which have helped a great deal. God has put you here for a reason and it was not for you to kill yourself with alcohol. AND YOU WILL DIE IF YOU CONTINUE TO DRINK. Find your purpse by reading books and attending the church of your choice. No one can do it alone.:new::new:

[wellseasoned]

better off before?

Well said A Work In Progress!
Bluespaces - hang in there - you are sure to be a bit sad and disoriented - you have kicked your buddy - alcohol - to the curb. GOOD JOB!!! You have time to fill now and feel alone - remember that there are many who understand and support you here. We all have our own journey and struggles - unique to our lives and history - but the desire to better our lives by managing our relationship with alcohol is a common thread here. Congrats on pushing through the sadness fog and posting your thoughts - sharing the dark and unhappy stuff is not easy. You must be a strong person!
Hang tough, bluespaces!!!!

[cacky]

better off before?

Meditation

You know one thing that they teach you in AA is the 11th step through prayer and meditation ..a concious contact with your higher power. What I learned was that prayer is you speaking to your higher power and meditation is you listening. All meditation is really is the act of being still and quiet. I try to do this at least a couple of times a week. Just take a walk and pay attention to the trees or the clouds and tell your mind to be quiet. Interupt your thoughts. There is a great book called the Power of Now that talks about that. It really truly helps. Hang in there.

Cacky