I need help and fast

[Providence]

Dear All,

I don't reach out much, however I have a major problem.... I went to rehad in November and when I got out one of the people who was in there with me came out with no friends or family. I let her stay at my house and that lasted a few weeks and then she was off and running with "new" friends.

Last weekend the "friend" called me and said she was off the hook and I picked her up drunk butt and all. It was a bad weekend.

She just got out the hospital and staying at my house. I so ready to drink it's not funny.

So does she stay or does she go? She has no where to go....

[Saint Jude]

I need help and fast

Providence,
I just want you to know I'm here...
I'm not sure what to do in this situation.
Just want you to know, I'm here & have just read your mssg.

I'll wrack my brain, there's got to be somebodyto call or something we can do.

Is she drinking, or doing anything right now?
(Don't mean to pry,...just thinking maybe some tea, juice, water...etc...) Maybe something calming for you both...

[gyco]

I need help and fast

hi prov,it mite seem harsh,if your dry id get her to a detox,if your not you no what to xpect,specially if you no what they tot you in treatment,your responsibility only goes to the point they seek help,gyco

[Saint Jude]

I need help and fast

Providence,
How you doing ?

I hope you're OK...
:hPrayers to you & your friend...
Judie

[caysea]

I need help and fast

Hi Providence
I am not going to tell you what to do but will tell you what I would do.My sobriety is the most important thing in my life.I will not let anything jeopardize that.I am not a selfish person but when it comes to my sobriety I am. I will let no person or thing jeopardize it.I would see what social services were available and if none would not let the person into my life[that includes my house] if I thought it threatened my sobriety.I can be around al and people getting drunk and it doesn't bother me now .Six months ago I wouldn't be able to handle it.You have to decide if this situation is going to be a problem for you and staying sober.This person will probably not be in your life 6 months from now but will it have opened the door for al to come back into your life after all the work you have done

Stay Healthy and Keep Fighting
AF 5-16-08

[davenc]

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You are your only responsbility. It sounds harsh , but if she wants help she will go get help. But I would not let someone in that condition stay at my house.

[hippie37]

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Hi Prov.

I think caysea has more or less said what I would do too. I would also look at it from the point of view that I am doing nothing but allowing this person to continue to not take any kind of responsibility for their own actions and life. It may sound harsh but sometimes I think you need to show some kind of detachment and allow people to take the falls in order for them to start taking responsibility. I wish my folks had done it sooner with me to be honest.

Love and Happiness
Hippie
xx

[Blue Sky]

I need help and fast

Providence, You say you only came out of Rehab in November so this is early days for you. You need to look out for yourself right now. Don't feel guilty, you have been a good friend to her letting her stay at your house when she first came out of rehab and also picking her up the other night. She must have other friends or family somewhere...surely? It's not like you've known her for ages, from what you say this is quite a recent friendship.

If she stays at yours the stress of the situation is going to jeapodise your own recovery. Look after yourself as number one priority. If you lapse you will not be able to help her anyway!

[rubywillow]

I need help and fast

It's wonderful you are so caring, and so hard to see your friend this way, but as everyone says, you are the most important person in this equation. Your sobriety, your plan, none of that can stand the pressure of this right now. If you allow her to remain there, and she drinks, you are enabling her. And her presence already is giving you thoughts of a reason to lose all your hard work. Explain it too her, and if she is your friend, she will go. You did not create her situation. Protect yourself.

[gyco]

I need help and fast

so hows your friend prov CURIOUS NOSY GYCO

[MyHeartIsDrenchedInWine]

I need help and fast

I don't think she should stay at your house, there are other options. Best of luck with this!

[Providence]

I need help and fast

Well All,

Here is the ugly story. When I picked up as she was left in a park and ride an hour away she was completely off the hook and had drank so much she was passed out in the back seat. The next day we go back to get her car and there is a bottle in the back seat which she chugs, not drink, chugs. She is a small girl (me not so much), she drinks straight vodka warm (I'm a wino).

That Monday my husband is at home with her and she continues to drink, I take her to the hospital where she stayed for 5 days. She got out on this past Friday. I had plans to go away for the weekend to Atlantic City (yep, a wedding in east coast sin city) and didn't want to leave her at home alone. Since we were staying directly in the casino district (free drinks for all) I felt it was a better option. So I got her a room right next to mine. The first night was fine. We all had dinner.

Well Saturday night come, off to the wedding I go with my husband. I come back and she is drunk off her butt. How does she manage this she called a friend of her (the one that left her in the park and ride) and he comes up for the booty call and with a bottle. This part I don't understand because he can't handle it when she drinks like this and has put her in the hospital 2 times since November. Sunday comes and she is still going at it. She lies a lot when she is drinking and is VERY emotional and not rational.

Sadly to say by Sunday I was drinking again too. Down a few after I decided to go the casino with my husband. This isn't the first time I've drank since being out of rehab, but I was trying to go for 30 days this time. Oh well, there always this week.

Monday is a long drink home, she and I both continued to drink. I set my cut off time and that was it, as I had to work yesterday (Tuesday).

I wake up with the shakes of course, then I remember why I hate drinking. I go to work and tell her no more drinking.

I come home my husband is so mad he left the house, She is drunk, only she keeps lying to me that she isn't but I can tell. After 2 hours she tells me the truth, but I never get the full story. She is just unmanagable in this state. She crys, makes no sense, lies, stomps arounds, acts like a child (she is 35) again and acts like the victim. She is used to having men take care of her and blames me for not being a good friend when I don't agree with her.

I at least own my own sorry state and simply say I drink because that is my choice not an action of something in life gone wrong. I am the only one who can be at fault for picking up.

At this point I can not handle her and she has to leave tomorrow. I have no idea where she will go or what she will do, but I can't do it for her. I've suggested she go back to the hospital and talk to the social workers about halfway houses and prgrams or that she needs to go back to her family.

I do feel bad for her, I've been that far gone myself more than one time last year that led me to rehab in the first place. I now know exactly what it was like for my husband when I would get that far down. I just know that I can't ask him to do this everynight again. I don't think I can either.

I go AF for a week or two then I find the bottle again on friday and saturday nights and then swear off the juice for another week or two. Is it any better? Nope, but at least try for me. Im afraid that coming home to that everynigth will only make me want to drink again everynight.

I've worked too hard (and I"m still in therapy) to go down that long path again.

So that's it.......

[42cat]

I need help and fast

Wow, what a tough situation. I applaud you for trying to help your friend. But I agree that the best thing for you - and your marriage - and also for your friend - is for her to [want to] get help for herself ..... detox, back to rehab, a sober house, or whatever would be the right thing for her right now. She has to take responsibility for herself ... and stop using, and blaming, others.

You've obviously put a lot of work and thought into your own sobriety efforts (congrats on those days AF, btw) ... It can be a difficult journey that needs a lot of patience, strength, willpower, etc... It's not easy on the spouses either. I can imagine that taking your "friend" in must have put a strain on your relationship.

That said, I do think it was so nice of you to try to help her along. That says a lot about your caring nature.

I hope all goes well in the next days, weeks and months .. for you and for your friend. ((Hugs)) to you all.

[Blue Sky]

I need help and fast

You are obviously a caring person and do not want to let to let a friend down in a time of need. BUT have you considered that the reason she has no other friends to turn to is that she has treated everyone who has tried to help her as badly as she is treating you now. You are not responsible for her, at 35 she must learn to take responsibility for herself and her actions. I truely believe if you do not distance yourself from her you will not only lose your sobriety (which you admit is shakey at the moment) but could well also lose your husband. Your husband must be despairing.

Don't feel guilty, she is not acting like a friend should. She is getting everything out of her friendship with you. I fail to see what you get from this frienship. This may sound blunt but friendship is a 2 way thing and she is using you and your kindness. A true friend would NOT drink in front of you and encourage you to join in.
I imagine tomorrow is going to be extremely traumatic as she will plead with you to let her stay but stick to your guns and try not to drink. You don't want to go back to where you were last year.

Good luck.

[MyHeartIsDrenchedInWine]

I need help and fast

I think you have come to the right decision, stay strong!