I am at the end of my rope!

[dove]

I am at the end of my rope!

This may be too harsh but....

You know, ruin, I've never had a guy friend who has gone through this but if you were one of my girlfriends I would be like "What the fuck are you doing staying with this person?"

Life is too short to stay in bad relationships. There are lots of other deserving women out there for you. Being alone for a while is not that bad - can even be fun!

I'm slightly worried for the puppy though...if she is so controlling in your life she is gonna have a wake up call with a puppy that can't be controlled. How old is the puppy? What breed? I love puppies!!!!

Does she have other people in her life pushing her to push you? Like family or friends that think your friends are not good enough? If so, that may be a big influence.

If you want to save this you need to go to counseling and she NEEDS to be a willing participant.

Congrats on the AF time...too bad you can't celebrate that right now...it is a really BIG accomplishment.

Dove

[polaryzed]

I am at the end of my rope!

Been there IR. . . .

:goodjobn the 3 weeks AF.

You have some real soul searching to do my friend. Good luck. From experience I know it can be done (staying together I mean), but if you are planning to have a family, think about how it will affect the kids. Seriously, think about it.

Best of the best to you both . . .

[ProjectileVomit]

I am at the end of my rope!

Tried hitting her?

[PHOTOGIRL]

I am at the end of my rope!

Hi again Ruin (Please, please, please change your name!!!)

Me again! Sorry - that last post just made me giggle! Probably shouldn't have but it did.:H Hopefully, though, you'll get a sense of how much people are caring for you and how much we're proud that you've done 3 weeks - you've got a lot to think about but a lot to stand up and be proud of yourself about and don't be put down by your girlfriend. :l xx

[Blue Sky]

I am at the end of my rope!

I think this girlfriend of yours has had it her own way for far too long. It must be a real shock for her that you are now sober and she can't get away with murder any more! You are not married...yet, no children involved.....yet.

Get back in touch with your friends and family. It's your life. Stand up to this girlfriend now or regret it for many years to come. You have made a change (sobriety) which is altering the power balance of the relationship. She is now making her move to counter-balance that (trying to get you to drink again). It's like a game of chess! Whether you split up or readdress the balance of power in the relationship is up to you both.

Keep sober, you're going to need a clear head to get through this dilemma!

[YoungAtHeart]

I am at the end of my rope!

If you're at the end of your rope, let go! Take the puppy with you.

[irish eyes]

I am at the end of my rope!

YoungAtHeart;588401 wrote: If you're at the end of your rope, let go! Take the puppy with you.

Hey Young
What an excellent reply!

[beautifulred]

I am at the end of my rope!

IRU...I agree...take the puppy....he/she will be much better off with a feeling human being than with her...and change your name to TOBLBTN (tired of being led my the nose).....sorry...I can be very outspoken at times....going thru my own hell with a stb ex....I think you have already come to this conclusion on your own though!
much luck....br

[Angelcakes]

I am at the end of my rope!

get out while you still can - divorce lawyers cost a BOMB.

xo

[rejuvenator]

I am at the end of my rope!

I've also gradually slipped apart from most of my friends. As I've grown older I've found that I don't share the same interests as them, and often times, if I weren't trying to stay in touch with them, I knew I'd likely never hear from them. So, I stopped trying, and they disappeared accordingly. Other friends had gotten into drugs and a lifestyle I didn't want to be a part of, even if they were good people.

A big point though, is that I stopped doing a lot of things because I didn't want to drink and worry about driving home. It felt safe and secure to have some drinks at home, watch a movie or something, and call it a night.

So, the irony is that it would seem that I have no friends now, except my brothers, and my wife tries to criticize me for that, encouraging me to get out. But then, every time I do, her response is exactly the opposite. I think she is comforted with knowing where I am ALL the time.

If I were you Iruin, I would simply go about living how I would prefer living, but make sure to communicate. Let her know that you've made plans to hang out with your buddy next week, or something, and then DO IT. Everybody needs friends, especially when things are rough at home. You shouldn't have to give up your friends for anybody. Her obsession with being #1 is delusional.

I know that my wife considers me #1 because we share our lives together, make important decisions together, rely on each other in very personal ways for emotional support. She has no friend that can possibly assume such a position. Yet, she goes on "Girl's Nights Out" a couple times a month and is usually in touch with at least one of them on a day to day basis. There is no comparison between friendship and life partners.

I think there is a fundamental difference between the way guys tend to operate in comparison to girls. I've read some articles about it. Women often reach toward their peers and community for emotional and moral support, you'd be pretty slick if you could pull her away from her friends. Guys can have a tendency to be like hermits, without much care one way or another (even though the solitude still has its ill-effects).

So, make some reasonable plans to do some male bonding on ocassion and then just go do it. If she has a problem with it, then it is HER problem, NOT yours. You need to have your social network intact and she has no business mettling with it.

Rej

[Accountable for Me]

I am at the end of my rope!

I think now is the time to focus on YOU and your recovery. Gosh, this insecure, jelouse nonsense is going to drive you back to the bottle.

Do you want to remain friendless and without family for the rest of your life... or until you are divorced? Because that is what's going to happen if you stay and marry this woman. Will your friends and family even be there for you when this future marriage ends?

I will give you my opinion. I think you should get out of that relationship; even if for a little while. Learn to live your life sober. Get some counseling, reconnect with friends... the ones that won't encourage drinking.

It is time for you to take your life by the horns and really become a well rounded, happy, and sober man. Get out of the tornado and run towards the land of happy.

You will truly see things in a different light after some time. All the best to you. I am sorry, as I am not typically so blunt with my replies.... but this sounds like MISERY. Time apart, time apart, and, much healing.

[Iruineverything]

I am at the end of my rope!

Hi Green

Thanks for your comment.. its funny you should say that.. we actually broke up a little over a year ago for about three months. I started dating a girl who lived in NJ and I live in FL. Well anyway the point is, she would still come to my house almost daily to "pick up a few things she left behind" she would come get sexy shirts, skirts, high heels or whatever and tell me she was going on a date blah blah blah.. come to find out she wasnt going on dates but just doing that to drive me nuts... After 3 months of being apart she asked me to take her back, which at first i said NO WAY but she is georgous and we have a history so i broke down and agreed but ONLY ON MY TERMS.. I was going to see any friend i wanted etc.. that lasted a few months lol, then right back to her having total control and once again everyone in my life was gone.

side note: Is it possible she may be cheating? alot of people tell me that may be why she is accusing me of all this crazy stuff because she feels guilty?

Thanks for letting me vent.. I'm actually sitting in my office right now at 3 oclock in the morning because i would rather be here then at my own house..

greeneyes;588076 wrote: I thought I'd stay out of this but..... ahem. I can't.

I have heard it said that people should not make major decisions until after a full year AF. While I understand the concept I think it is not always the best advice. What if you and your fiance "separated"? Give a couple months a try. See where your feet land. This is YOUR life and you deserve nothing short of joyousness. I made that up, is it a word? Best to you. :l

[startingover]

I am at the end of my rope!

Hi Ruin (are you sure its you who ruins everything, it seems to me its your gf?)
She is using every trick in the book to control you, does it really matter if she's cheating or not? She is making you so very miserable anyway....
I know its hard breaking up, but it must be easier than a lifetime of uncertainty and misery?
Stay strong. AFM is right, you should get some counselling and lean to live your own life sober. Give it a go my friend...

[Iruineverything]

I am at the end of my rope!

Hi Dove

The Puppy is only 2 months, and i got him for her to hopefully give her something to concentrate on instead of me lol.. but she is already slacking on taking care of him which i figured would happen and i would end up taking care of him..

As far as people in her life pushing her.. its actually the opposite. she is very hard on her own family members! she has a brother who is 21 and just got married but is a pot head and she basically disowned him as a brother! We have done the counciling thing but she doesnt want to go anymore because she realized just how stupid she sounds with all her bullshit when the councelor calls her out on it over and over again.

Im sitting in my office right now at 3am and she will not talk to me so im pretty sure its over at this point. thanks for the comment dont be a stranger

dove;588098 wrote: This may be too harsh but....

You know, ruin, I've never had a guy friend who has gone through this but if you were one of my girlfriends I would be like "What the fuck are you doing staying with this person?"

Life is too short to stay in bad relationships. There are lots of other deserving women out there for you. Being alone for a while is not that bad - can even be fun!

I'm slightly worried for the puppy though...if she is so controlling in your life she is gonna have a wake up call with a puppy that can't be controlled. How old is the puppy? What breed? I love puppies!!!!

Does she have other people in her life pushing her to push you? Like family or friends that think your friends are not good enough? If so, that may be a big influence.

If you want to save this you need to go to counseling and she NEEDS to be a willing participant.

Congrats on the AF time...too bad you can't celebrate that right now...it is a really BIG accomplishment.

Dove

[Iruineverything]

I am at the end of my rope!

Bluntness is good

We have done the time apart thing in the past (broke up for three months, I started dated so did she, she was insanely jelous, came to my house everyday, stalked myspace etc.. until she begged for me back and i said ok..) I think its over. everyone is telling me what i have already known for months. thanks again!

Accountable for Me;588949 wrote: I think now is the time to focus on YOU and your recovery. Gosh, this insecure, jelouse nonsense is going to drive you back to the bottle.

Do you want to remain friendless and without family for the rest of your life... or until you are divorced? Because that is what's going to happen if you stay and marry this woman. Will your friends and family even be there for you when this future marriage ends?

I will give you my opinion. I think you should get out of that relationship; even if for a little while. Learn to live your life sober. Get some counseling, reconnect with friends... the ones that won't encourage drinking.

It is time for you to take your life by the horns and really become a well rounded, happy, and sober man. Get out of the tornado and run towards the land of happy.

You will truly see things in a different light after some time. All the best to you. I am sorry, as I am not typically so blunt with my replies.... but this sounds like MISERY. Time apart, time apart, and, much healing.