shit. i am drunk@!

[capricorn2009]

so much for my zeros on the drink tracker. i am having to concentrate on typing this. what do I do?

[capricorn2009]

shit. i am drunk@!

help

i am strugglint to type thies. at the end ofmy tether. grrrr if hter is somoene in aus. i feel bad about myself. am i beyond help?

[DeeBee]

shit. i am drunk@!

Put the drink down, make yourself a cup of coffee and drink LOTS of water.
Stay close to the boards, read and be inspired.

[Evie.Lou]

shit. i am drunk@!

We are all in this together. Being an ALCOHOLIC is not for WIMPS...it is really tuff stuff but together we can beat this bastard. You don't have to do it alone...I am here for you and so are MANY MANY OTHERS !!! Get some rest and reach out your hand tomorrow and let us pull you back up on the wagon...You can do this...I KNOW YOU CAN !!

[enuf]

shit. i am drunk@!

someone take the phone number off this post.

[enuf]

shit. i am drunk@!

I am sorry but I have a real problem with duty of care here. Who can take the phone number off this post. The internet world is a dangerous one. This is our bloody lives we are fighting for.

[Guitarista]

shit. i am drunk@!

Capricorn, you're hopefully sleeping it off at the moment. P.M. me if you want to chat, ok?...........G.

[capricorn2009]

shit. i am drunk@!

sorry

I'm awake now. Hung over and feeling STUPID. I was supposed to go for an 18km run this morning - probably the most important run in my half marathon training and I GOT DRUNK last night and didn't go. I went all week AF and then blew it. Sorry for putting my phone number there... I felt ok until I got home then remember feeling so angry with myself that I'd done it again and not sure what I was trying to achieve by drunkenly typing here.... not to worry, no-one called anyway I have had friends calling all morning, I had lots of plans for today and now feel like hiding out and doing nothing.

AARRRRGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHH!

It all started with going for a civilised dinner and planning on not having any AL at all, but my civilised friend gave me that "what???" look so I thought "ok, one glass of red with my italian meal is totally fine". Then of course we drank the bottle between us - still civilised. Then when I left I checked my phone, and called back a very good friend who had been dumped and was really upset. This friend came to my aid with wine when I was in the same situation so of course I thought I should do the same. I was co-incidentally right outside a bottle shop while on the phone so I bought 2 bottles and jumped in a cab straight over there. We drank 3 bottles all up. Like I said, I was ok until I got home then it hit me when I got here.

I know all I need to do is start again. I have a birthday party tonight and they're all going to tell me I'm being silly and that I should "just have a drink" again. I don't know what to do? Should I stay home and hide away from it or should I go out and try to brave it again?

[Seacailin]

shit. i am drunk@!

Hey Cap
Glad u are ok and I know EXACTLY how you feel. I would probably stay home and rehydrate and try to eat something healthy and rest.

[ezzmae]

shit. i am drunk@!

Hi Cap

I agree with Seacailin, take it easy tonight with lots of water. You still have that run coming up. You can't change last night, so focus on the future. Getting back to AF and realising your goals. You probably learnt a big lesson from last night on how AF can negatively impact all the things that you want to do. You probably already knew that, but it is maybe really hitting home this morning.

You still need to get that number removed from your post.

[greeneyes]

shit. i am drunk@!

Glad you're OK! You might consider going for a little while and having nothing alcoholic to drink. Say you're hungover and annoyed that you missed the race and don't feel like drinking tonight or for a while for that matter. It would be a good way set the stage for an AF stint. Have a couple sodas and go home. Do what you think is best for YOU.

I did that once. A guy friend and I drank and danced and finally passed out on my couch. The next AM, BF walks in and says"So are we gonna race?" Took a while for me to shake the WTF? look off my face. Days really. About as long as it took for him to speak to me. Ugh. Take good care of yourself.

[CS04]

shit. i am drunk@!

I would stay home. Best to avoid temptation, esp. when you are feeling vulnerable/hungover. You will feel so much better about the race.

[rubywillow]

shit. i am drunk@!

Cap, we do have to plan our lives around our recovery for a while, and if we know we can withstand the WTF looks, we stay away. SO hard, I know, but why do we care what others think about us when they're actually just worried about what we think about them. Kudos for trying, for 'fessing up, for coming here for help. Read everything, sweetie, listen to your OWN heart, think about your OWN health and recovery, and quit worrying about others. Quitting is hard enough, and we have to be selfish? by putting ourselves first, and doing what it takes. You can do it, you've shown that, because you're a winner, you're a survivor, and you can make the right decisions! Hang in there, babe!!!!
Rubes

[Winefree]

shit. i am drunk@!

Learn from today and start again tomorrow, one day wiser. Don't beat yourself up.
Get some rest and start anew.

[capricorn2009]

shit. i am drunk@!

You are all so right. My plan for the weekend was originally this:

Friday night
- civilised dinner with friend then home in bed by 10pm.
Saturday
- 6am 18km run.
- 10am shop for lights (sparky coming on Monday to install)
- 12pm lunch with friend
- 5pm cook food to take to friend's birthday party
- 7pm friends birthday party
Sunday
- housework
- drop my spare keys to sparky
- half a day of work that needs to be done by Monday

Friday night civilised dinner was followed by distress call from friend (evil voice in my head hears excuse to get wine!) Got home at 2am trashed.

Spent all of Saturday crying with guilt and depression and feeling ILL in bed. Missed all the worried calls from friends, missed my friend's party. Didn't do anything at all.

I'm up now, still got a bit of a headache and very hungry. I have called everyone back to apologise and now have A LOT of stuff to do in just one day.

I know they all say "but you do so much - it's ok to have a drink and relax sometimes, you NEED to". But it's getting all the things I want to get done - DONE that makes me happy. Hangovers don't.
I can still go to parties and dinners, I don't have to get drunk at them! No-one is there to pick up the pieces when I wake up at home alone the next day.

I was going to tell my friend I had dinner with on Friday ahead of time that I wouldn't be drinking, but didn't want to make a fuss. Then when I saw him there with a bottle of wine I thought "oh no! here we go again!" When he poured me a glass and I said no.... and he gave me the 'wtf' look, and I said "because I have to run 18km at 6am tomorrow"..... and he said "just a little glass of red with dinner won't hurt"................. it was all over. It's never just one with me.

So yesterday I didn't drink because I was sick in bed all day. Today I only have a zillion things to do, no social events to go to, so I will be ok. I will count today as day 2. Back to the beginning again and feeling slightly hopeful.

Thanks again everyone, it's nice to have some understanding here.