constant panic

[BabyShambles]

I work with children n have on occasion been drunk at work n taken alcohol into work. My boss has monitored me for weeks now without me knowing n have found evidence. I have a diciplinary hearing n a couple of weeks n I am terrified. I am a huge worrier n since iv found this out ive been in a constant state of panic. I haven't ate n hardly slept but iv drank more than ever. I dont think I can function like this for another 2 weeks without losing my mind or getting so desperate i'd do something stupid. Im trying to hide all of this from everyone. Theres no one in my life that knows the extent of my alcohol problems n i'm too ashamed to tell them whats going on.

[Last Of The Summer Wine]

constant panic

Hiya - sorry to hear about this - you have certainly had your wake up call here. I know it's going to be hard to face, but can't you use the disciplinary hearing as a means of getting some help for your problems? I don't know if you work for the local authority, but you should be allowed to have someone with you at the meeting to support you - have you got a close friend or colleague who might go with you? I would use this time now to get evidence for yourself that you are trying to get help with the drinking, perhaps make a doctors appointment or try one of the substance mis-use agencies - then you can go to the hearing and tell them that you are already taking steps forward. Especially as you are working with children, society takes a very dim view of anyone who might endanger a child's safety, although I am no way implying you have done this in the past, but being drunk at work in this situation is serious, and drinking whilst at work, well what can I say?

Good luck - I'll be thinking about you.
J

[Angelcakes]

constant panic

Hi babyshambles...try to stop drinking. It will ease the panic & help you get a clear head for the hearing.
This could be the turning point for you.

xo

[Marshy]

constant panic

Hi BabyShambles,

Have you been to your doctor? S/he might prescribe something for the anxiety - and stopping drinking reduces anxiety too (I didn't realise that until I stopped, I thought it helped me relax but actually it has the opposite effect). There's no shame in going to see the doc - they've seen it all before.

Have you got a plan of what to do to stop drinking now? There are lots of options out there.

[cymru]

constant panic

From what I have read, they have evidence of you having drink on you, and/or being under the influence within working hours? As last said, maybe this is the wake up call that you need. I was in a similar position, and when we sat down and talked, I was honest, said I was obtaining help, and we came to a decision that I would resign, rather than get the sack. Im not saying this to upset, or scare you, as looking back 8 months later, this was the best thing that could of happened to me. It was the wake up call I needed, and though it took me a few months to figure it out, the seed had been planted. I realized that my alcohol intake was not normal, that I didnt have a small problem, that i wasnt different to others, the people on the street etc. My circumstances were different, yes, but I was an alcoholic, just the same as them. I couldnt lie to myself and others for much longer. I had to admit to myself and family my problem. It was a huge weight off my shoulders. I came to realise I wasnt evil, nasty or a horrible person. I was ill. Very ill, and I needed help to get better.
It hasnt all been rosey, and there have been many ups and downs, but I got to the crossroads, and took the right turn. It may not seem this way today, but it may be the best thing to happen to you, and something you look back on in years time as a turning point. But this decision is yours. Which way you turn is your choice alone.
Rather than try and shut it away and forget about it with booze, make a decision. If this is to start getting better, then make a plan for your meeting. Dont go in there with all your guilt and remorse on show. Think of it as the first big step to recovery. To becoming well again. I am sure your bosses will listen to you if you have a well set out plan of action and are looking forward, not back.
Yesterday is over with, but its up to you to make tomorrow and the days thereafter better for yourself and all around you.
I wish you all the best on your journey, whatever you decide to do.
Cy x

[Blue Sky]

constant panic

Hi Babyshambles

Just wanted to emphasis again what Marshy wrote, that it's the alcohol that causes the anxiety and if you stop drinking you will feel better.

I agree that the only line you can take at the disiplinary is that yes, you do have a problem but you are taking steps to overcome it. So, you really need to see your doctor urgently and get something on record that you are attempting to stop drinking. Also, if you are drinking heavily it is unwise to stop suddenly without medical supervision...withdrawal can be severe and even result in fitting.

Go and see your doctor even though it is embarrassing. That's their job. Good luck at the disciplinary hearing, hopefully they will be compassionate if you show that it will not happen again.

[gyco]

constant panic

well again some good and bad advice,remember,not all employers or doctors are so understanding,she mite be a long term employee,getting old,cant perform her duties as well as b4,substitute one addiction for possibly another,yes Al brings on depression,but so does the over use of perscription drugs,what works for one,does not always work for another,Baby its a long tough haul now,i do wish you well,

[Lavande]

constant panic

Hi BabyShambles,

Welcome! You've come to right place for help & support. Please know that we have all had our 'wake up' calls - seems that now you have had yours too.

If you are truly interested in making a change in your life start by reading the MWO book, consider the supplements offered and the Hypno CDs (very helpful). Consult your physician if you think withdrawal problems could be an issue. Most of all, do something now - don't put it off and longer. Nothing will improve until you get the ball rolling............. it's all up to you.

Best wishes on your journey,
Lavande

[Boss.man]

constant panic

Babyshambles, welcome! Lavande said it well. You've come to a place where we've all been there.

My perspective: Don't worry too much about eating. Your body is dealing with alcohol and stress, and believe me, before you die of starvation you will get hungry.

Unresolved employment issues are something that bothers me a lot. And I'm the Boss! Please understand there may be a supervisor as concerned as you about the result. No employer wants to discipline an employee over a "employee choice" issue. It risks bad feelings among all the employees, and it's really no fun for anyone to confront an issue. On the other hand, the employer has liability should you make an on-the-job error, and that can cost millions. If it comes down to employee vs millions the employee gets booted 100% of the time.

So it kinda boils down to: You hide it, I hide it, does that make it not exist? Of course not. Please stay with us, and understand that we know that we are with you. There's some thread here that's like "What's the strangest place you hid a bottle", and just by the responses I'm totally vanilla in just sneaking out at midnight to hide them in the trash can, locking myself out of the house in the process.

I know it's a stretch, but you realize if you stay here and chat with us, we may get you cleaned up a bit and you'll fly fine through your evaluation. It will be a community effort, but that's what this site is, is a community. Lots of voices, nothing condemning. Can you be with us for that?

[Evie.Lou]

constant panic

We are all in this together and together we can heal. Stick around ....read and post alot. you will find lots of things that you can relate to on these pages and you will never have to be alone in dealing with this again.

[peacenik]

constant panic

maybe this is for the best for you and the children you are working with.

[Tiny]

constant panic

Baby -- in the US there is something called Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) which when an employee is under Dr. supervision a leave is approved and the job is secure. Not sure if your country has something like this but you need to consider your options. Be honest with yourself and your employer -- your health is at risk. Be safe -- drink water!!!! I can relate all too well -- feel free to PM me if you want to chat further --