I am at the end of my rope!

[jacksoncage]

I have one thing on my mind and that is to feel better. I have 21 days af and feel awful. Have hardly no energy at all. I have been up this road before, went to docs a number of times ,had blood work done (nothing shows up). Diagnosed with anxiety and depression (lucky me, triple whammy, if there is a God he sure has a demented sense of humor). So, I do not know if it is not having the alcohol to alleviate the anxiety and depression causing this fatigue. All I know is that if I drank tonite I would feel energized tomorrow. (why is that? Docs have no answer) but I would have to drink everyday to maintain my energy level. My sleeping is also very off. Awake constantly during the night and early morning. Maybe it's the sleeping. I do not want to drink but I do not want to feel like this because than it is just a matter of time until I pick up and drink again. Like i said before I have been through this revolving door on mumerous ocassions. Any input would be helpful. Should be noted that I moved last Saturday and it caused severe anxiety. Before I left I was feeling ok. I have been moving around alot in the last two years and will need to move again because I am temporarily staying with family at this time. I have had it with this whole drinking thing. If i am going to suffer like this i might as well just go back to being a barfly. At least I will get a laugh or two in between my miserable state.

[Lavande]

I am at the end of my rope!

Ah Jackson,

You've done so well - 21 days

Please stay out of the bar - you really do know that it's not going to help. Alcohol will depress you even further. Insomnia makes everything worse, I've dealt with it for about 13 years now. You could be like me, just in need of a tweak of some brain chemicals.The Rx ADs didn't help so I've gone all herbal. They're taking care of the anxiety/depression - all but gone now. And, I'm finally sleeping again, what a wonderful thing. Please feel free to PM me - I'll give you the details. You don't have to remain miserable.

Hang in there, we can all do this thing together, honestly!
Lavande

[CS04]

I am at the end of my rope!

Jacksoncage,
It is very common to have sleeping problems when going AF at first. I am told that it gets easier, though. I too was just as frustrated as you. But you are at 3 weeks, and everyone also says that after 30 days, a corner is turned -- maybe not on the sleep just yet, but on other stuff too. So hang in there! I have also dealt with depression over the last year and a half, so I know what that feels like too. All the best to you.

[Determinator]

I am at the end of my rope!

Jackson, ditto on the other responses, I'd also add that a good psych may be the blessing you are needing now. a general MD may not be able to help you with multiple diagnosis issues (substance abuse + depression). I too have a history much the same.
A possible explanation for why al seems to provide you an 'up' effect is that your body produces the neurotransmitter glutamate (not glutamine) to counteract the sedating effect of other neurotransmitters (such as serotonin) produced from digesting the alcohol. After the al is gone, the glutamate is still in effect for many hours making you 'amped' and for most people (myself included) it makes them jittery, anxious, shakey and uncomfortable.

keep up the great work being AF and seek some help from a specialist and don't stop until you get relief!

ps....exercise has been a HUGE part of my recovery. it's not just something to do to be healthy, it's amazing what it does for my mental state.

[jacksoncage]

I am at the end of my rope!

To Determinator

I would love to get back to working out but my energy level is so low i feel it would not be a good thing to do. Thats what is so frustrating. There are so many things I am into doing but have no energy to do them when i get sober. I mean when I drink it's pretty much a steady everyday thing so my body must be so used to the alcohol that it takes me alot longer then some other people to feel right. Am I on the right track here? also the Glumate is interesting. Have to do some research on that.

[CS04]

I am at the end of my rope!

Jackson, even just take a walk in the sunshine -- that will make you feel better. Exercise has been proven to help with depression. I hate it too, but when I do I feel better (not that I hate walking in sunshine, but it takes effort to get out there and do it.) SOunds silly, but take baby steps.

[Boss.man]

I am at the end of my rope!

Jackson- Keep it up. You're way past the bad part now. Try caffeine in the morning for a pickup. Also be sure to exercise whether you like it or not. That helps sleep. For mood I use L-Theanine. It's expensive but one pill and 30 minutes later your mood lifts a bit. Think about how you were once a little kid that ran all day, and jumped into bed tired, and that was fine. Be that little kid again. I'm rooting for you!

BTW - depending on how long a habit, how much you drank, and how your biology got used to it, 1-3 months to a year for your body to resume full function but it retains the dependence. I've read that after 5 years your some people's bodies can "forget" it's dependence. I think more importantly, by that time it won't really matter because your focus will shift to other things anyway.

[Skinned Knees]

I am at the end of my rope!

First, good job on the 3 weeks. I suffer from severe depression, general anxiety disorder, panic attacks, and am bipolar. When I quit drinking 5 months ago, I did feel pretty much the same way that you are feeling -- lousy. I didn't have the energy to do anything nor did I have an interest in doing anything.

I have been under the care of a psych for the last 4 years. It took up until about 2 months ago, and several medication adjustments, before I started feeling better. I no longer have the highs and lows and I am incredibly energized and feeling 1,000 times better. I want to do so many things that there isn't enough hours in the day!

It sounds like you are self-medicating, and it really does screw up the brain chemicals even more. Believe me, I know this from my own experience.

I agree with Deter in that you really should seek the advice of a psych. I played around with different MD's for years, and they didn't do much for me because they really don't understand brain chemicals the way a psych does.

I really wanted to get better, and I was willing to do ANYTHING to get there. By constantly trying, I was able to quit drinking. My medication now works because I'm no longer sabotaging my efforts to get well.

Jackson, it's not an easy road to travel, but it is well worth it to get your life back. I didn't want to take meds, but I realized that they could get me better. Besides that, I was damaging my body so much by drinking that taking meds couldn't be any worse. And I really did get tired of making an ass of myself when drunk.

If you would like, feel free to pm me. I'd be more than happy to help you in any way that I can.

SK

[stepintime]

I am at the end of my rope!

Jackson, listen. I so envy you right now, for your 21 days. It really is a great accomplishment.
....Even more so, because like me, you suffer prolonged withdrawal's.
Quitting drinking is hard. Hard for all of us. But to have to endure dreadful emotional torment, that stretches day after day, week after week with no let up, is emotional torture.
I am always reading, how people say they start to feel better, after about the first 5 days of going AF. And then, about the 30 day 'turning point'. Sadly for me, it's not like that. For me it took 2 and a half months before I finally started to feel better, stronger, and more emotionally stable.
Then, after 3 months, I drank again.
So Jacks, all I can say, is that I hope you can hold out, and keep going... and maybe in another week or so, it will start to get easier.
I'm a fine one to say any of this really, but it would just be such a shame, to give in now, when you may be so close to feeling better.

Oh, and check out this website. Someone here, sent it to me a while back.

Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome (PAWS): An Easy To Understand Explanation

BTW, you were never comfy living where you did, so maybe being back to where you are now, will help. Hold out for just a bit longer. If you can.