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[cacky]

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Lush, drinking is awful isnt it. I know hopefully you can figure it out. Stick around here and you will learn how to get some AF time. AA is a good option but not the only option. im not consistent enough on the meds to be able to tell you if they work. please dont hurt yourself..your family will hurt forever after that

[Lush]

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Hi Cacky. I'm not going to hurt myself any more than I have done. On the subject of suicide though. it is awful for the people left, but I think to myself well, they are not hurting any more at least. If you haven't read my first post, then I might as well confess I have been having quite 'spiritual' thoughts about getting to the next stage (whatever it is).

[Boss.man]

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I hate to add a downer post, but there are 6 billion people on this earth speaking 200 languages, and I found find it statistically insignificant if people of just one small town practicing one small faith, attain a significantly different "next stage" than anyone else.

Worldwide the basic choices for "next step" are buried, burned, thrown in the river, or simply left where you die. Any other talk is Easter bunny Santa Clause talk to get children not to worry at night.

The next stage that is attainable, is what we are doing here on the forum. We're recovering the time lost to AL, to make our own lives better, and the lives of all those around us. We could touch one person, they could change forever, and maybe cure cancer or find world peace, or make a song you can listen to all day without getting sick of it.

I hate to be down on religion, but in traveling the world (I've been to Bath and it is indeed lovely) I find that the common threads between all world religions are quite solid for honesty and integrity. But they aren't so lucid when it comes to elements that cannot be seen or proven. Some say it's the meaning of "Faith" is to believe in something that can't be known. I'd say that's gullibility. Faith is the belief that people of all types working together can solve every problem for humankind, and can make life better for every single person.

My opinion.

[Lush]

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I agree Boss Man. I am not 'signed up' to any particular relgion, and then of course look at what is done in the name of religion - except I do have this feeling there'something' more. I am not relying on it. Its like still believing in elves and fairies, the real ones, I just think there has to be something in the myths and legends.

When were you in Bath? Glad you liked it. Lots of building going on at the moment. Traffic a continual problem.

I feel a lot better since reading the posts on here. I am going to have a bath and go back to bed with my book.

[brightlite]

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Lush,

Please don't speak of suicide. I know those thoughts come into your head post drinking. Do you have any other activities that you can concentrate on?

Boss I know what you mean about being excited about the new day and the possibilities of what it may bring. For you it is your exotic flowers. I love exercise (yoga) and researching various subjects.

Lush is there something that you can cultivate instead of turning to the bottle?

[Lush]

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Dear All. I don't drink constantly, and I do have good things in my life, it is just that I find it difficult when it all piles up. I know I will die if I ever have another session like the one that has led me here. I am trying to be positive and forward thinking but I have this pain at the moment, and I know at some point my partner or family are going to start on the 'what are you going to do to make sure you stop?' refrain and I have been trying for years and years. I'm going to get some Kudzu and will stick with the counselling (although it is taking ages to come through) and keep looking at this site. I sound such a self centred person. I even think if I said to my partner ' I think I am in danger of going to get some drink' he would go off on a rant, when what I want and need is for him to say 'come on, you don't really want it and lets do - go to bed / watch a film / have a day off together - something else'. Even when I suggest something he says 'we will see, you know you can't be trusted'. I have wasted hundreds of pounds on theatre, concert and hotel bookings.

[nancy]

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Well I am sure you know that drinking makes depression worse and explains why you are having suicidal thoughts. IF you get it out of your system you should start to feel better.

I think you need therapy to learn how to deal with problems better instead of resorting to booze. Therapy can really help with that. Until you learn how to deal with problems instead of getting drunk, it's going to be hard for you to make progress.

Also, I would advise you look into medications. They seem to be helping a lot of people. Abstinence is the ideal option but if you want to lessen your drinking, topamax is the one used in this program and seems to work. It has some bad side effects but you can minimize those by using a low dose. Campral and naltrexone also seem to be working for people. Look in the medication section.

As My Way Out advises, your program needs to incorporate different things: nutrition, exercise, medication is optional but probably will help, relaxation, visualization.

I have read stories by a lot of people here who were desperate, even worse situations than you because they have kids (you didn't mention kids) and they came out of it. There definitely is hope.

AA can help with getting a social network of people who are sober though I don't believe in their philosophy at all.

I think the first step for recovery is admitting you do have power. You do have power to change this. Low self-esteem and depression make you think otherwise, but you absolutely do have power to change.

[brightlite]

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We all possess the power to change....so true Nancy. When we do the same thing over and over and over, we cement those memories/feelings in our brain. It's more than just memories though, it is an actual wired connection. What needs to happen to break those connections is a different behavior and outcome from the previous behavior that we always do. Upon breaking the connections, it becomes easier to make the changes and then you build on that.

I remember a "Seinfeld" episode where George Constanza did the opposite of what he normally does, and his whole life did a 180 degree about-face. (Anyone else remember that?) He was successful and everything was going his way.....I know its just a funny show, but the idea is the same.

[Doggygirl]

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Hi Lush and welcome. I'm glad you came through your surely frightening hospital experience in one piece. In the past when I was actively drinking, I would conveniently forget - at least temporarily - that giving up alcohol is not strictly about a "bad habit" that is annoying to ourselves and others. It can be deadly to our health on the inside, and deadly to ourselves and others "outside" of our own bodies.

I don't think it matters much whether I was a binge drinker or daily sipper (I happened to be the daily type). What mattered was that one drink, and I was out of control on some level. I don't ever recall having just one drink on any given day...ever. Alcohol became an all consuming problem in my life.

I will be sober 1 year on May 22. I think we all have to find what works for us. Here's what works for me:

My Way Out: I followed the program as outlined in the book to the letter, with the exception of not taking any prescription drugs. With my addictive personality, I've always been leery of taking any prescription medication if I could get by without it. (and this was LONG LONG LONG before I confessed my alcoholism to anyone other than maybe a teeny weeny part inside of me that *knew*. I was also a smoker until just over 2 years ago)

I visit this forum often, and especially if I'm having a rough patch. Thankfully that seems less often these days.

I did several of the written exercises and lots of reading at SMART Recovery? | Help with Alcohol, Drug, and Other Addictions including the CBA (cost benefit analysis) which I found particularly helpful. I also find it changes for me - I try to revisit it at least once per month.

After years and years of saying to myself "AA is not for me!! NO WAY!!" I started seeing some posts that I thought were very thought provoking and inspiring by AAthlete here. Not always specifically about alcohol either. Just what I thought was a mature view of situations. He credited AA for helping him not only give up alcohol but find a better way to live. I realized that I had never even given AA a chance. I reached a point a few months ago where I was sober, and my life had changed quite a lot - and all for the better. But I still had a fear of relapse that was nagging me. I know I have to ALWAYS respect the power that AL has over me if I were ever to drink just one drink. But I don't want fear to be big in my life either. So I finally decided to go see what the AA love and hate was all about - for myself. I'm really glad I went. The biggest benefit to me is just being around and talking with so many LONG term sober people day in and day out. Yes, spirituality is a part of the AA program, but that's not the same as religion. I was and still am spiritually confused. While they are not the majority, there ARE agnostics and atheists at the club where I go. And one guy I really like who is Native American and follows the spiritual practices of his ancestors. Anyway...that was a huge barrier in my head for a long time. All I can say is that I'm getting a lot out of it and wish I had gone sooner. Of course that is only my personal experience.

I really think truth is that my addicted mind is and always has been looking for a way to get a fix. Because AA is overtly a program of abstinence, I think it was convenient for me to say to myself "I can't handle that religious stuff" when the truth was "AL in my head doesn't want to face the fact that the party is over."

Anyway...I wish you strength in your healing from this incident and also strength in finding sobriety. I think it's out there for each of us if we make it our #1 priority to find.

DG

[Lush]

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Dear DG

Thanks for the link to SMART Recovery. I also agree with you about AA, I am not knocking it at all, but I find that 1 to 1 or small groups work best for me. It already seems an age since I put my first message on here. What resounded in you message was the need for contnual vigilance. Drink has made me ill many times not just talking about hangovers) and for a while jus remembering that seemd t put me off, and then I got hardened / immune to that resolve, as I had always been able to get through it by sleep / water / generally being sick and getting rid of the toxins tha way. The SMART steps seem to make more sense than the 12 step programme. Thank you everyone who replied, I do feel more positive about things, but trying to be realistic too.:thanks:

[Doggygirl]

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Lush, I'm glad you find the SMART recovery info of interest. Personally I'm now willing to be quite adventurous and check out any and all tools that might help me stay sober for the long haul. What combinations of things works for me might not work exactly for you or anyone else. But the sharing of what is working for a variety of individuals here is what can lead us to the unique program that DOES work for you.

Strength to you!

DG