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[Heavenly]

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Janice;617767 wrote: No Evie, this is something I have control over. And I'm just not getting my act together. This is a choice. Its down to me. I know I can choose to drink or not drink. I can choose to put the kettle on or open the bottle. This is my problem, I need to sort myself out.

Janice, sorry to hear you have been struggling ... and I agree with your statement above .... when it comes down to basics it is all up to ourselves ....

good luck

[nancy]

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Hi Janice

Sorry things are not going so well for you.

You say you have such a great life and shouldn't be feeling like this or doing this, but didn't you have a lot of depression issues before and a death in the family? Are you still on anti-depressants?

My advice is, stop being self-critical. It's not to say you don't need improve but definitely don't get on this 'mad at myself' bent. This is a part of you, maybe a part you don't like, but something you have to deal with. I think ironically that once you accept this part of yourself it might be easier not to open the bottle. But this secret part of you that dwells outside your happy home life, it's something that can't be swept under the carpet or be tamed with a lecture. Have you tried meditation? The book Mindful Way out of Depression, with CDs is great.

Someone has told me that it's much better to envision a more positive you, how you want your life to be, than to dwell on the negatives. That makes sense to me. Did you get the MWO CDs? I am only using the hyno CD now, track 2 for positive visualization.

Nancy

By the way, I agree that meds are worth a try if you find the problem is bad enough to warrant the side effects.

[bloggy]

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When I first started the naltrexone like many others have experienced the side effects were quite bad, mainly nausea, but after a week or two they subside, now I don't have any at all- that is not to say of course that any med is putting extra strain on the liver etc. But I am sure 25mg of naltrexone is better than drinking 8 strong beers every single night...

I think Baclofen has very few side effects if any. I have only taken a low dose twice, but I did not notice anything negative- just a kind of mellow feeling.

I could not take the topa because of side effects, but that seems to vary for the individual.

[savon19]

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I Wish it were so easy as to just "decide" not to drink! The strange thing is that for years I never attempted to stop, mainly because I didn't feel like I was addicted or had a problem... (Typical!) It was only when I attempted stopping that I realized it wasn't as simple as deciding not to drink.

That may work for a while (for me, longest has been a month AF), but I'm seeing that it's a lot more complex. As Boss said, it's a "brain thing"! While we may decide on one level not to drink, there are chemical things going on that we can't "decide" not to experience.

I find I can't even get to the point where I want to quit... Forever. Yet, that's what I should probably do. (See! I had to add in that "probably"!!!)

I hate to ask myself the question, how much Shame/Disgust do I have to feel in order to really admit I can't drink??

And (speaking for myself) it's scary how I can be AF for a chunk of time, then decide to drink... and I'm really back to square one. It doesn't seem like the accumulation of AF days does much if I go back to drinking. It's like I never "quit" at all! Dive right back - and, if anything, I'm almost beginning to feel that each time I go back, the "hold" that AL has becomes even stronger.

(Sorry for the dismal post - I'm just exploring some thoughts...)

[Evie.Lou]

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I just have to wonder how much it was really "ME" back then that would make the decision to take a drink ??? Maybe I took the first drink, THEN THE DRINK TOOK ME !!!!
When I had Baclofen in my body, I wouldn't make the same choices, as when I didn't have it in my body. Without that pill (in the early days of AF) I didn't have the control over the impulse to say NO !!!
After several months, I no longer needed the med. to back me up., but even now if I had something very stressful happen ................I'd go back on as a safe guard.
Baclofen has very little if any side effects and has been widely prescribed for years.
If anyone is interested in learning more then I recommend the book by Dr. Oliver Ameisen called "End of my Addiction". I know that I will always be an ALCOHOLIC but I don't think that I will ever drink again.