LOSING IT BIG TIME

[Kayla]

I've been here before, over a year or so ago. Really needing support right now. Living in Australia - just back from 3 mths in London - visiting my mum there, in the later stages OF MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS - having to get her out of her flat and into hospital (and leave her there) with a grade 4 sacral sore, lower body paralysis and pain. I had my 10 yr old daughter w/me in a council flat w/no money. The whole thing was just one big nightmare. Where do you start.

I'm now back. Drinking again, daily, as I did to get me through 10 hr days in the most awful NHS hospitals in London, while my daughter was looked after by friends. My mum has no other children - is only 67, yet so ill - and has only two other living relatives, both in their mid-eighties. Basically she's alone.

I really am having trouble dealing with this. And I'm worried I'm going over the edge again. Been in detox 3 times, not willing to do that again. Need Stilnox to sleep and ok w/getting that for now. But not able to do a day w/out drinking at this stage, and am well aware that this is so adding to my general decline and depression. Even I, with all my experience of recovery,rehab, relapsing, 12 steps, you name it, am worried.

Need a raft to hang onto at this point
There's so much more I could say but that's enough for now
Kayla

[Evie.Lou]

LOSING IT BIG TIME

Welcome back Kayla, NOW........DEEP BREATH......release and relax !!!
We are here for you !!!
Step 1. Where to start ??? Can you start today to drink water in between AL drinks ???

[time2change]

LOSING IT BIG TIME

Kayla
Welcome back. I am so sorry that you are feeling so down. It sounds like you are in a very difficult situation which is made even more stressful by being a distance away from your Mom. However, you also know that you are headed in the wrong direction and need to get help. That is good. We are here for you and will help to support you. Please remember you have a daughter that needs her Mom too. She is also going through a difficult situation. Please make a plan and start to help yourself so you can be there to help your Mom and your daughter.

[cacky]

LOSING IT BIG TIME

Kayla, welcome back. It sounds like you are having a rough time. Stick with us babe we can help. there are alot of resources on this site so keep posting and asking for help.:welcome:

[greeneyes]

LOSING IT BIG TIME

Kayla, I'm sorry for the situation and send prayers for you and your mom. Taking action will ease the worry. I agree with time2. Make a plan and stay on track!

[Winefree]

LOSING IT BIG TIME

Kayla, welcome back. Good for you realizing you needed to come back here for help and support. How sad for all of you about your Mom. Remember the drink will NOT make it better and only complicate things. Take a deep breath like EvieLou suggests. I know you don't want to put your daughter in this same situation.

Winefree

[spedteach]

LOSING IT BIG TIME

Kayla,
so sorry about your mom, and you're right she is so very young to be so sick. Winefree said it for me. Alcohol only complicates things, especially with a 10 year old around.
Be careful with detoxing. I had a pretty scary experience doing it by myself recently. Alternating water with your al drinks seems like a good starting place.
Take care.
sped

[Kayla]

LOSING IT BIG TIME

Thank you all for being there so quickly. I remember the vibrancy of help at this site. Water is good, and I'll try to start there. I just need to find a way to get through each day at this point x

[Boss.man]

LOSING IT BIG TIME

Kayla welcome back! AL can numb you, but it introduces a new set of problems, and in the end will leave you less secure. Evie is right, the best thing to do is to take a big breath, then relax. Really! More than that, take time to sit in a comfortable chair, and spend five minutes breathing slowly, and relaxing each part of your body. Do this 2-3 times a day. Also do it when you feel tension like in traffic.

This will cause your body to slow down a bit, your heartbeat and blood pressure will decrease a bit, and it will lower your level of anxiety. That's the goal, is to allow your anxiety to drop lower and lower.

Get good sleep, eat right, don't drink (or don't drink a lot at least). This will all help you cope with tough situations better than just getting numb drinking something sweet. Say that to yourself: Relax, Sleep, Eat, then Cope!

[mooderator]

LOSING IT BIG TIME

Hi Kayla

Already much good advise above. You have obviously been through the mill before and know the various options open to you in terms of stopping drinking. Much easier said than done obviously. It seems what you need more than anything is some support in your life at this time. It is pretty dreadful a situation. But, after you have started with the, breathe, relax...tell yourself "I can handle this" whatever it is "you can handle it". We are all here to help you cope. I understand what you mean about London and its awful hospitals. I really do.

If I can be of any support let me know.....PM or posts whatever you need

Good luck

Love Moo

[Lavande]

LOSING IT BIG TIME

Hi Kayla,

You probably already know that this is a good place, we will be as supportive as possible.
You do have a lot on your plate right now, but you will get through.
Please be kind & take care of yourself. You need the strength for your daughter & Mom.
My thoughts & prayers are with you,
Lavande

[lucky 2.0]

LOSING IT BIG TIME

Kayla,

Glad you are here. Just wanted to send you some more love, strength and peace.

[Kayla]

LOSING IT BIG TIME

I appreciate all your good suggestions - breathing to calm anxiety, water, making a plan ... and one thing I have learnt about recovery is the importance of support. Thanks to all of you who've taken the time to offer this.

Lots of fall-out from a bad evening, trying to justify my handling of my mum's situation with two relatives (both in their 80's), lots of grief, and watching it affect my daughter esp. I got hammered last night and decided that enough is enough.

Tonight I have to talk to social services in London and sign off on the disability home that mum is due to go into this week. She's been in hospital nine weeks - and up until now has managed in her own flat for 21 years with MS. It's going to be a huge transition, and a process of massive acceptance for us both. Making the decision to bring closure to my mother's independence is weighing heavily on me.

Plans ... getting through today without increasing my sense of hopelessness. Have moved around as much as poss, put the radio on to quell the silence; I've drunk lots of water (no AL), camomile tea, and made a big veggie soup for husb, my son (7) and my daughter (10) to come home to. Now just trying to hang in without going to the bottle shop. I know I just a need a day - somewhere to start.

Determined to do this though. Worried about my health, and watching the bottles of wine move from one to two a day is scary - tolerance going up - not good. I know this is a lot. And it doesn't mix well with anti-depressants - and that it leaves them ineffective, all the while increasing the strain on my liver.

Like you say Moo, have been using the "I can do this" mantra a lot today - and I think your allusions to bringing the anxiety levels down, Boss man, are right on the money. That's always why I start drinking.

I am concerned about detoxing though, and don't feel able to face asking for help - yet again. Found some Kudzu in the cupboard so have taken some of that.

Thanks for being there guys. Helps a lot x

[DriftyAlison0]

LOSING IT BIG TIME

You probably already knew this but the first step is admitting that you have a problem. The second step is to do something about it. We can do this together.

[colbe]

LOSING IT BIG TIME

HI Kayla...hang in there! Lots of people here for you!