I am so sad...

[brittzak]

I am so sad...

Crybaby,
You will find that with sobriety a lot of the depression will deminish. The anxiety will go away as well. What is it you fear as far as the medication? I have taken the supplements and antabuse and topamax. Many here could give you advise on some of the other medications if you are interested. Trust me...these medications will do FAR LESS DAMAGE than the alcohol is doing and you will be repairing the relationships with your children. You can turn this around. Right now, this minute, I know it does not feel that way, but you can. And, no you aren't hiding anything. I thought I hid it too. Funny, my kids even knew where I hid my bottles. My daughter told me just this past weekend that she knew all my hiding spots. SAD!

[crybaby]

I am so sad...

Thank you to everyone. I am feeling better now, and my kids were indeed far easier to apologize (yet again!) to. They love me, and I adore them. My husband drinks too, and I think we're both going to just have to STOP for at least awhile. I know that I've got to work on myself, and I'm seeing a counselor on Friday. I've got the Kudzu, the MWO book, and it sounds like I need the L-Glut. too???
I'm making us a nice dinner now, and it will be even lovlier w/out the wine!
Thank you again to all; this board is a lifesaver (truly).

[blondechick]

I am so sad...

Glad are feeling better, Cry. Keep talking to us.

[cacky]

I am so sad...

Cry, i have 10 year old twins. Believe me the further you get away from each instance the better things are going to get My kids have forgiven me. I still drink but i havent drank in front of my kids for over 6 months. They love you and will forgive you. I couldnt believe it was true 6 months ago but today they feel like it has been "50 years" since i drank. kids can be so forgiving.

[42cat]

I am so sad...

Cry, glad to hear you sounding positive. The more you 'positives' you manage to get in each day, the better things will start to feel for you, and for everyone. As others have mentioned, kids can be very forgiving. They love you so much.

In fact, as your kids watch you take steps to 'get better', it will be such a feeling of security and happiness to them, whether they say so or not ... and those feelings will spill over to their own feelings of self-worth too, and they'll also learn from you and know that change is possible when things are not quite 'right' .. And, of course, that great feeling of 'family' ... feels so good -- at least that's how it all felt for me when I was a kid and my own parents (father especially) were struggling to make changes.

Keep on talking here. Every time you try, even if it doesn't work, you take something away from it and can use it to be stronger when you try again. A good, happy life is right there waiting for you, and your kids ... Don't let AL take that away from you. It's not his .. it's yours .. Take it!

~Cat

[rubywillow]

I am so sad...

Cry, I did so much of the same, felt so much the same,.....the point is, your not alone, but your the only one in YOUR spot right now. Remember that many times when people hurt themselves they are drunk or drinking. What that does is pass our guilt on to our family members, because they will spend the rest of their lives tormented over what they could have done to help us, to save us, thus even our last act is selfish punishment for them. Your here, your trying, and you recognize its important to make a change. You've got a lot of great folks here to call on!

[justinc]

I am so sad...

Cry,

Totally understand the drinking until passing out, I am very good at that. Hang in there you can turn it around. happy thoughts for you

[dlw]

I am so sad...

Crybaby, we are a mirror of each other - but about 20 years back for me. In those 20 years, I had peaks and valleys- I hit rock bottom about 8 months ago, It was quit or loose my family, I chose Sobriety. And I can tell you that it was HARD, but the best decision that I made- again I said I as in "ME" I was the one that had to make the decision, thank GOD I chose the correct one. You can to
Take it one hour at a time, and then I day, think of your kids, as I have, I don't want my kids to remember me as an AL
Good Luck on your journey

[cacky]

I am so sad...

Cry, Im hoping that my kids will grow with them overcoming my problems with me. Im still drinking but i have been able to keep it away from my kids (i do live separately from my husband and only have my kids part time). Anyway, what's that saying "what doesnt kill us makes us stronger". Dont let the AL kill you. I almost did because i couldnt face the guilt of what i was doing to my kids

[crybaby]

I am so sad...

Today is Day 3 AF...both me and hubby

Hi All. What a difference a day or two can make. I feel stronger, and currently don't plan to drink today. The one thing I'm wondering is, how do you go about making new friends? It sounds so dumb, but all our real "friends" were the big boozers who didn't mind seeing us get sloppy...

Also, I feel guilty asking my husband to stop drinking with me. It's been so much a part of our lives for so long, it's hard to know how to fill the void. Any ideas?

[Lynnie]

I am so sad...

Cry - I'm in the same boat with the husband situation. Mine does too but doesn't go through the same guilty feelings as I and usually knows when to quit and heads to bed. I'm certain that since it's a "sport" we have engaged in together then our good examples can only be positive ones with great outcomes!

[42cat]

I am so sad...

Cry, great to hear things are going well. Congrats on Day 3 - to both you and your hub. I don't have any advice re. friends.. I don't really have any, drinkers or otherwise. (Ha - that sounds pathetic, but it's not really. I have aquaintences, neighbours, and work friends .. just not friend-friends .. if that makes any sense.)

I think what I might try, in your situation, is maybe doing some different things ... going out to different places that you might not usually go to (museum, movie theatre, walks in the park, long drive, bowling, etc.) .. ease a few different activities into your days or evenings and see where that takes you.

Oh, and I wouldn't feel guilty about asking hubby to stop drinking with you ... not at all ... It's a healthy thing .. and maybe he's actually relieved that the drinking is stopping and you're heading into a new realm of your lives together ... and that he didn't have to be the one to take the first step.

It's great that you're doing this together ... You're twice as strong that way!

[crybaby]

I am so sad...

Lynnie,

It's funny, my husband feels none of my guilt OR self loathing. I don't think he ever really gets the desolation I go through. I'm sure that if I told him to buy a bottle of wine for tonight w/ dinner (this is after my suicidal ideation just 48 hours ago!) he WOULD w/ no hesitation. I love him, and I hope we really can make this all work. I am highly doubtful, though. I still can't imagine my life w/out AL. I know I'm not supposed to even look so far ahead, but it's hard not to...

[CS04]

I am so sad...

Crybaby and Lynnie, read the Spouses Who Drink thread (I just bumped it for you). My hubby drinks too, and really balked when I asked him to have some AF days now and then with me. I finally asked him to go just one week with me last summer, which he did, but grudgingly. It does make it much harder.