Enough is enough

[Time_To_Stop]

:new:

I am so miserable and can't seem to get out of this endless downward spiral. I have been drinking around a bottle of vodka a day for the last 8 years or so and have been drinking pretty heavily for the last 14. I was always been able to get my work done and keep up appearances but over the last two years that has been less and less the case. Hangovers are killing me now and I feel very anxious until I have the first drink.

I am at the end of my rope and I need to get a grip of myself. I have been reading the thread about tapering and think that I need to try it. I can't afford to go to rehab and can't have alcoholism on my insurance record for reasons I can't go into.

I haven't had a drink today. I plan on starting the beer an hour or so taper I read about until the symptons go away. Hopefully it won't be too bad. My heart is already beating a little faster and I am starting to get anxious as I had my last drink about 14 hours ago.

Well here goes. Please wish me luck.

[choppersmom]

Enough is enough

Hey Time! Welcome aboard :welcome: I am proud of you for taking this first step. There is a lot of support and encouragement here for you. Have you downloaded RJ's book? I can't offer advice on the tapering, but am glad to hear you have a starting point. That is fantastic. Find the way that works for you. You can do this. Stay close, keep posting, and keep reading. I look forward to hearing from you.

[Time_To_Stop]

Enough is enough

Thank you both for the inspiration

It was that article you linked to that got me seriously thinking I could finally quit. I just found this site when I searched again looking for the original article. It isn't going to be easy but I think I can do it. I will keep reading the posts here and will go get some more supplements tomorrow. I have a few of those suggested already.

[Rags]

Enough is enough

Hi Time,
Be patient with yourself, give yourself achievable drinking (or non drinking) goals, take a look at what Zen posted, and maybe take yourself to your doctor and have a chat.
It can be an arduous journey. But gee it is so good getting a few days AF... That proves to yourself you can do it. Makes it easier and easier to wean yourself off it.

[42cat]

Enough is enough

Welcome, Time... (*warning: my posts tend to be long-winded .. apologies .. lol)

You've found a wonderful site. Nice to meet you. I was drinking almost exactly as you have described... a fifth (750 ml) of rum or vodka per day, every day, morning to night. I'd been drinking for years, but the last several months had become not-so-good, and I'd been drinking simply to keep the anxiety and shakes at bay. It certainly wasn't fun anymore.

Anyway, I switched to beer and went through tapering and withdrawals. Took about 5 days to a week for me. Not sure if that was too quickly or not, but I must say that coming out the other side after the withdrawals feels so wonderful. I posted a thread on it, as someone mentioned. If you think it might help you to read about how it went for me those first few days, here's a link:
https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...ggy-34156.html

A recent thread that I found really helpful was posted by Puddytat ... There lots of great posts in it that really make you think. Here's a link:
https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...ght-34493.html

But there are so many other great threads on the go, all full of so much information, thought, insight, things to learn about, etc.

Consider using supplements as well. They can only help ... B vitamins, Vitamin C, L-glut (GREAT for cravings) or Kudzu, Milk Thistle for your liver, lots of water with lemon (also helps with the detox) .. I'm also taking St. John's Wort (supposed to help with anxiety) and have been enjoying chamomile tea with a squirt of lemon (supposed to have relaxing and healing qualities) ... Tackling it from all angles. I didn't do meds, but a lot of people have and they've helped a lot too.

Whatever you do, don't give up trying. If something doesn't work, change it up, change your routine, just make a change .. and try again.

You are here - which is step 1, meaning that you WANT to make a change in your life .. out of this phase and onto the next phase - working on your happiness. Don't let ALcohol take your happiness away. He's ruined enough of your/our life/lives so far .. Time for him to go. He is an evil, sneaky b@stard .. but you CAN beat him.

(( hugs )) ... Keep on posting, and read and learn as much as you can. Be strong. You're going to do this.

[DriftyAlison0]

Enough is enough

Welcome to this forum and Congrats for taking the first step.

The important thing here is to be here when you need to, and to try the book, or message boards. We are a friendly group of people.

[Time_To_Stop]

Enough is enough

Thanks again everyone and hello Cat42 your posts kind of inspired me to finally do this.

Well onto day two. Had 7 beers over 7 hours last night and then tried to sleep. Didn't get much and had some really bizarre dreams when I actually did drift off. I got up covered in sweat when I finally gave up at 8am.

I am going to try 6 beers tonight and then take some valerian root and maybe that will help. I have been taking vitamin B as well and am heading to the health food store to see if they have kudzu or l-glutamine.

I feel pretty anxious and nauseous with a kind of acid reflux I think but so far no major shakes or heart palpitations beyond what comes with the anxiety. I usually start drinking after 6pm and then drink my bottle to about 1 or 2am every night and nearly always black out and then pass out.

My last beer was 14 hours ago and I think I can hold out for another few hours at least. I am going to go have a huge drink of water with emergen-c and lemon right now and try to eat some soup and toast.

I will keep up with how it's going and thanks again everyone.

[LilBit]

Enough is enough

Hey Time,

The anxiety and weird dreams are "par for the course." They will subside, as will the sweats. We're all rooting for you. Hang with it.

Hugs,

LilBit

[DoDoHead]

Enough is enough

Hey Time: congrats on trying. Every effort counts! Don't give up! I admire the folks who are AF: I'm not there, yet, but I've cut way back and am inspired by the folks here. I find the drinktracker to be helpful, as it shows my progress. What used to be 7-9's are now replaced with 1-3's (#drinks). And it took a while to get there! The kudzu and L-glutamine are so helpful for the cravings. Making myself do a project when I get a craving is very helpful---geez, practically had to change all my habits that were associated with sitting down with a drink. You will find a way!

[Time_To_Stop]

Enough is enough

Thanks Lilbit and DoDoHead. It is not going to be easy and I am dreading "sleeping" tonight but I am going to just suck it up and deal with it. I need to get my health and time back. My family needs me as well.

I have only had 3 beers this last 24 hours so far and will probably drink 2-3 more and take some valerian as I said earlier. Tomorrow I will try 4-5 beers and more valerian at night.

All the living men in my family are current or former alcoholics as well. My brother quit cold turkey and got his Medi MJ card and he is so much healthier now. He smokes but hasn't gotten into a fight or woken up in jail on a drunk and disorderly charge in over 2 years now.

I can't go that route and don't want to be hazy all the time. Main thing is getting through this week and then getting 30 days AF. I will then assess the situation there. I just never want to get back to this point again where I have to drink to be able to get to sleep and where I can't remember the whole evening before. Quitting forever seems daunting as well given that my wife drinks, my inlaws who we live near all drink and most of my friends drink. Not that it should matter. Anyway just venting here. Thanks again everyone.

[Time_To_Stop]

Enough is enough

Geez I realize I am already trying to convince myself that if I can quit for 30 days I can test if I can drink again safely. I know some people can but I think I need a lot longer to get back in shape and deal with all the stuff I have been neglecting before even contemplating that possibly.

On my 4th beer over 6 hours now and I am surprisingly not in that bad shape. Two nights ago I would have been on the second half of a bottle of Smirnoff at this time. I am not sure why I am not feeling much worse. Of course tonight sleeping will be hell again I am sure.

Just read one of Cat42's posts on liver damage and yeesh. I did have elevated liver levels last time I was at a doctor over a year ago and I drank very hard this last year so they might be the same but probably are worse.

[Rags]

Enough is enough

Hi Time,
Hey,
4 beers over 6 hours is terrific slow pacing.
I am not sure why I am not feeling much worse. Of course tonight sleeping will be hell again I am sure.
Self talk can be very destructive. Try turning around what you are thinking to something along the lines of ...
"Wow, I'm feeling pretty good. I should be able to get a better night's sleep tonight"
Our subconscious is not selective. It does what you tell it to do, and runs with the thoughts you place there, so if you can just turn the negatives around, it will be the most powerful aid you have in getting over this.
Liver damage is insidious because a liver function test will still read fine even when there is only 8% of your liver functioning. That is what really scared me. That poor organ is battling to keep us going and we are doing our damndest to destroy it.
So, have a great night's sleep, and catch you tomorrow.
Be gentle with yourself. Be kind to yourself.

[Time_To_Stop]

Enough is enough

Thanks Rags for the positivity. I tend to be pretty negative lately it seems but given the situation it could be a lot worse.

Made it through last night and it was bad but not as bad as I thought it would be. Made it 17 hours till my first beer from my last today and while I felt pretty crappy the last 2 hours or so I am proud of myself. Had 6 total last night over 7-8 hours or so. Will drink 5 beers over 5-6 hours tonight and try and go to sleep. Tomorrow 4 and so on I think. Had a hard time eating again but that's not very unusual for me and I forced myself.

Gonna try making smoothies tomorrow for breakfast. Having this site has helped a lot as I can't really talk to anyone abiut this but my wife and while she is supportive I don't think she really understands fully even though she drinks although not excessively.

[Rags]

Enough is enough

Hi Time,
Hey, you are really making good headway. See, last night ended up not being as bad as you thought it would be... so another milestone for you. Yeah, what I found was when I was counting the hours till my first drink of the day, that built up a lot of tension, and I was thinking of nothing for hours except that first drink. Which when Iwas trying to break a habit, I was thinking about it all the time, but WORSE... I was actually rewarding myself at the end of the day with alcohol! Now just how silly was that.
You have lots to be proud of. Keep it uip. If you've read RJ's book I love the paragraph where she says to treat alcohol like butter. We don't think all day about butter. We don't even give it a second thought. That's what we want to achieve with alcohol.. So bloody simple! Oh... and though it takes time, it works. defuse the power we attach to it in our minds. That's all about re-thinking, putting a different spin on our -ve thoughts. Another trick I learned from when I was stopping (not giving up, but stopping) smoking was to smoke really yukky ciggies. I did the same with alcohol.... great aversion therapy. May not work for you, but if you like x beer try drinking a brand you hate the taste of. May help. Geez, I've rabbited on for long enough. Have a beaut day, and a restful night's sleep.

Be patient with yourself.

[Time_To_Stop]

Enough is enough

Hi Rags,

I feel better but still a bit sick. For the last ten years I have been drinking mostly vodka but sometimes scotch or bourbon. So beer is pretty much like water with just enough booze to keep the worst at bay for me. Not to say that I haven't drunk a case of beer in a sitting without provocation.

I have decided to do exactly what you suggested and switched to lite beer today. I am drinking it in a huge glass with ice so it lasts longer and have been nursing a 12 ouncer for an hour plus. Almost done with the second to last beer and once done with the 5th and last I will try and sleep.

I haven't read the book as I actually just came upon this site this Sunday after being hungover all Father's Day after drinking even more than usual and was simply sick of myself. My wife took our son out for a day in the sun, while I recovered and felt depressed and horrible which led me here after googling a bit. I have almost done this many times but chickened out when the discomfort and anxiety got too bad and always tried to taper using vodka which often led to me getting drunk all over again.

Thanks again. Will be back tomorrow.