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Last drink 23 June!

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    Last drink 23 June!

    :new:

    Hello all, I have been battling with the demon drink for a long time. I would say it all started in my early 20's when I started drinking a little more and then it gradually increased over time. In 1996 I ended up getting chronic jaw/facial pain after dental treatment. My use of alcohol increased dramatically at that time. I also used other substances as well as a means of escaping from the pain. However using alcohol suddenly became quite pleasurable for a time until bad things started happening for example accidents and more recently feelings of anger and expressing than after having a few drinks. I don't like how I feel when I drink sometimes now. I start feeling very sad when drunk and end up in tears or drink so much with people that I black out and don't remember the night or what happened? Its scary especially when you wake up with blood all over the bed and ripped clothes after falling over and losing belongings. That was last year and although nothing like that happened this year its only a matter of time in my opinion before there is a big drunken night out and the blackout happens and god knows what will happen to me and I'm afraid of what damage I'm doing to my body!? That is something that plays on my mind a lot. There is so much publicity in the UK now about the number of units that are safe. I've counted up that on an average week I would drink 48 to 50 units!! One day last weekend before last a friend came to dinner and he is a big drinker as well. We drank 3 bottles of wine over lunch between us and then went for 2 pints of beer each on the way to the station. And on the way back I ended up getting 6 beers from the shop. I didn't drink them because I blacked out and don't remember anything of the evening at all.
    Is this the sum of my life now? Getting hammered and blacking out. No longer is my drinking the pleasurable pastime that it used to be when I first started out and was able to have 1 or 2 a week. I don't believe in the "once an alcoholic always an alcoholic" or "born an alcoholic" theories. I don't believe in the disease theory and I don't like AA or its way of operating. Thats fine if it works for people that go but it isn't for me. I stopped once for 8 months without any support group or meetings and it was the most joyous 8 months of my life. I also went on holiday to Florida for 17 Days two weeks after stopping and was with a drinking buddy. I drove all over Florida whilst he drank in the evenings and I had soft drink. I also never thought it was possible to fly, especially long distance, without drinking. Actually it was a much more enjoyable experience because I was awake and aware and not dehydrating.
    I'm glad this site is here and I assumed it was mostly not based around AA but probably accepted anyones way of getting sober.
    Good luck everyone.

    #2
    Last drink 23 June!

    Hi Stephen,

    Welcome, glad you found us!

    There are lots of people here for lots of different reasons! You will find plenty of companionship & encouragement here. Please keep reading & posting. If you haven't already, be sure to download & read the MWO book. It's full of useful info to help you make a plan for yourself, suited to your needs. We are all different and have different learning methods. I understand your feelings about AA, not everyone can be comfortable there.

    Please stay close, let us know how you are getting along.
    Wishing you the best.

    Lavande
    AF since 03/26/09
    NF since 05/19/09
    Success comes one day at a time :thumbs:

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      #3
      Last drink 23 June!

      Stephen, I love your honesty. I wish you look. The best thing about this site is that everyone is so accepting about everything you do. Please post often and honestyly and readl, read, read everyone elses posts. You will get so much out of it. I do go to AA. I participate in AA activities. The program saved my life 8 months ago. Now I use them for what i want. I take what i want and leave what i dont. I still drink (right now) but am considering starting a 30 day AF beginning tomorrow. I dont tell my AA friends taht i drink. What i like about AA is there are very stiff reminders about why not to drink and drive as well as some face to face friendships with people who struggle just like me. Anyway, i am also taking baclofen and a ton of supplements (against AA priniciples). Im finding that i am not drinking as much with that drug but i am sleeping alot. i hear that it will get better and i wont be as sleepy. Anyway good luck

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        #4
        Last drink 23 June!

        Hi Stephen! And Welcome!!

        I often hear about this "unit" thing - exactly how much is that?

        I would say that the vast majority of people on this site (I've been around for probably a year...) are not into "AA". Not that there's anything wrong with AA. It's not for me, but I appreciate that it's helped a lot of people.

        It's kind of ironic that blackouts are often the "wake up" call!! I had first one in a while last week. Discovered inexplicable bruises - 1 on tailbone, 1 on thigh... but have NO clue how they got there!!! Pretty deep bruises that surely must've hurt when they happened...

        Yet... I still drink. I've had a couple of 30 day periods with no AL this past year... a few 7 day periods. But I'm now back to my usual routine. OK, not every day (that's supposed to make me feel better??). But when I drink, I drink for the buzz, plain & simple. And the more buzz, the better! (:eeks

        This is a very complex addiction (or whatever you want to call it), I'm learning. I'm thinking that in my case, at least, there's an "obsessive-compulsive" element to it.

        Glad you're here - and good luck!
        Sometimes you have to take the leap and build your wings on the way down... Anais Nin

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          #5
          Last drink 23 June!

          Yes, drinking is definitely an obsession, which is why it is so difficult to stop. It has the control in your mind and you have to take it over or it just won't stop, until it stops you.

          Why don't blackouts scare the sh----- out of us? I had my first one last fall. Somehow kicked in the bottom of the kitchen cabinet and my arm got caught underneath. I had bruises on my arm and couldn't figure it out until I saw the damage to the cabinet.
          Why didn't that stop me in my tracks?
          We have NO control over it, it has control over us and WE MUST break the cycle if we are to survive.

          Winefree

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            #6
            Last drink 23 June!

            hi stephen youve picked a great place to come to and yes it is not based on AA i beleive thats why many come here,its an allternative to AA i thinkwe have to lern to live in today yesterday is over and tomorrow reall y never comes yes gyco as i say to many i wish you well

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              #7
              Last drink 23 June!

              Units to ounces

              From the information I was able to find...One British Unit equals approxiamately 8 ounces of average strength lager beer (4%) or one glass of wine.

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