Any partners of AA who can help me??

[dizzle]

Hi, I am hoping there are partners of alcoholics etc who can talk to me. I intend to direct my husband to this site and I really hope it will make a difference like it has for so many of you. I need to talk to partners of members to see how they have coped with things. I lived with this for many years and it was not a good place for our 4 children. Eventually I left him and it took a lot of courage to leave him, and we all did so well without him. But when he stopped drinking and got his life back on track, I naively believed he had changed and would never drink again (!) and took him back. He did so well for 7 months and only lapsed once or twice. But now he is outright lying to my face about his drinking, and thinks I am THAT stupid, that I can't tell he is drunk. I am tired of being a welcome mat for his lies and am at such a cross-roads again. I didn't want to be in this situation again feel so bad for my kids as I have allowed us to get back into a situation that is potentially going to back fire on us. Please help, I am desperate.

[peacenik]

Any partners of AA who can help me??

hello!
go to the "family members affected by drinking" section, you will find kindred spirits there!

[dizzle]

Any partners of AA who can help me??

Thank you peacenik, will go there tomorrow, have dinner to cook now...

[nancy]

Any partners of AA who can help me??

Hi Dizzle

It may be you are not really in the right place to get support. Try family section thread here, but that is pretty dead to be honest, or go to Alanon meetings. But you can learn a lot about alcoholism in a non-dogmatic way here. You can learn about new treatments and point your partner here.

Truth is, a lot of people here will understand and relate to why he is lying. He wants the sober part to be true and can't imagine a life without drinking. It's a huge struggle.

You have a choice as to whether you put up with it or leave, whether you love him enough to see him through this. or whether the harm he does to you does not justify that. These are really personal decisions and I wonder if you are in therapy.

There are some great older posts from partners. A guy named Determinator is now sober and his partner, I believe named DeterminatrX, posted a lot here in the past. Would be worth looking up their old journey for sure. His partner posted a lot through the journey with him getting sober then going off then getting back on. Great history.


By the way, I just realized that kids are involved. I think you need some professional help and support from your family.

[gyco]

Any partners of AA who can help me??

hi diz,no matter where you go on this site your welcom,one of the best things you learn from people with Alcohol problems is there great liars,i cant talk for we,i was one of the best,still am ? i tht i was protecting my family,from the truth, ?,he has to want his sobriety as much as he wants to drink,knowing my self,i dont no if i could put up with what my wife and children put up with,at one time i believed it was my rite to drink the way i did,he mite think in his head he ll do it for his family,never works,it will eventually be the foundation of his life,even his soul,i was very fortunate,ive had the opportunity to have treatment in a great facility,i have lapsed several times,there is a difference between a lapse and a relapse,but they gave me better knowledge to understand what i was doing to myself,matter a fact,i started checking my calender off a while ago,oct26/07 to present i have more check marks then x s ,my new way of saying ive bettered myself,for some its not stopping thats the problem,its staying stopped and wanting to,the old saying,whatever works,i do wish you and your family well gyco

[Popeye]

Any partners of AA who can help me??

Hi dizzle,
One of the biggest problems I had was that when I told myself and my family that I wanted to stop, I really meant it. It wasn't a lie, but sooner or later I found ways to make myself believe that I was OK and that drinking was OK. Many people here have managed to cut right down and are happy with their level of drinking and others have managed to stop all together.
Your husband knows how you feel about it, as you left him before, so he knows what's at stake. Hiding it doesn't work, though at the time we can think it does.
I hope you find what you need.

[dizzle]

Any partners of AA who can help me??

Again, thank you all of you who took the time to reply. He lapsed big time yesterday. Afterwork before I picked him up, he went to the shop, bought 2 bottles of wine, took them back to his work (!!??) then drank them in the toilet. He drank one bottle, then vomitted, then proceeded to drink the other bottle. He denied he had been drinking (again), so I just went to bed. In the morning, he came into our room and sat down and sobbed. This is so hard for our family. He hates himself, as I am sure all of you will relate to. I am going to help him as best I can. He starts on the pills again today, so here's hoping...

[MyHeartIsDrenchedInWine]

Any partners of AA who can help me??

Wow, Dizzle,

Sounds like he is fed up with drinking and that is a GREAT thing! I wish you all success!!!

Luvya,

Myheart

[Popeye]

Any partners of AA who can help me??

I think he should maybe bite the bullet and go and see his doctor.
There is a lot of help available. I don't know how it works in NZ but accepting any help available is helping me on to the straight and narrow. It can be a dent to your pride, knowing that you can't handle life and drink at the same time, and having other people know this too, but there is more at stake than a little pride.
Did you tell him about MWO? He'll be welcome here with open arms. It really can be a great place to come for help, both practical and spiritual. Tell him I said "Hi".

Good luck to you both

[~iirene~]

Any partners of AA who can help me??

Hello Diz, you have begun the process. help is everywhere, you must want to also help yourself.

AA will condition your thinking towards a more loving way of life.
Its a wonderful program with open arms, hugs and concern for anyone wanting to rid alcohol as a way of living.

Today i have more 'sincere' friends from AA who are TRUE friends.
We all share that common issue, alcohol, that has screwed our minds, lives and family UP.

take care and learn here. you will see a difference.

[~iirene~]

Any partners of AA who can help me??

dizzle, how are you doing?
i'm an AA member. we are always hear to listen.
hope all is well with you and your family.
desperate to hear how things are goin for ya.

:l

[dizzle]

Any partners of AA who can help me??

Hi again, he started on the tablets again, but as yet it is not working, and I am very sorry to say that. He even risked drinking whilst on the Antabuse tablets, and he was a little dizzy, but thats it, he was fine and I was so hoping he would be HORRIBLY HORRIBLY sick (sad but true...). But he wasn't. So we have talked again, and he agrees he just can't have any money, so that he can't buy it. Although, to be honest, that worries me as then he might beg, borrow or steal to drink?? He used to steal off us and we got into $$$$$$ of debt because of it and 4 years later we are still paying it off. I believe I have one more chance to give him as it has happened about 4 times in the past few weeks, and I am running on empty. I hate being such a door mat.

[hippie37]

Any partners of AA who can help me??

dizzle, I think quite a few of us here have had to reach that point where we were mentally, physically and spiritually broken people before we did anything. Rock bottom is not a place I went to physically I would say. (homeless, debts, prison etc) but mentally and spiritually I would so most definitely. You are in fact enabling him to continue what he's doing by metaphorically speaking putting a band aid over a gaping wound. It may stop the bleeding temporarily but it will not heal. contact your local Al-anon please for your own sake and your kids because this illness effects everyone concerned not just him. They will be able to explain just how his behaviour is keeping you feeling this way. He won't even recognise what it is he is doing but having been though treatment myself for addiction it is manipulating and controlling. When you learn to see this you will be able to support your husband in a much better way if he is willing to look more deeply at his issues around alcohol.

Peace and Love
Phil
xx

[InnerStrength]

Any partners of AA who can help me??

Dizzle, has he gone to AA?