What now?!?

[lifeisgood]

Hi,
I need advice in a big way because I am lost and I feel like I'm wandering and getting nowhere. I have chosen to deal with my stress by drinking it and now it's become a habit. And it feels great when I'm in the moment having a drink. I don't want the feelings to end and most of the time drink too much and talk too much etc, but it's just nice to feel "numb". The worst though is now the day after I have these incredible feelings of guilt and am super depressed. I never had that when I was younger but I guess that's a middle aged treat. I don't even know what to do anymore. It's like a vicious cycle. It's like I know I have this wonderful life but I can see myself throwing it away because I can't deal with my stress any other way. But how am I going to deal with things if I don't have this crutch??

[JackieClaire]

What now?!?

:welcome:
HI Lifeisgood,

Well you've wandered into a good place here.

Just a quick bit of advice. Nice safe place with good kind people here. Keep reading the posts.

Try the Newbies Nest to start.

Get a feel of the site, you'll soon find the names getting more familiar.

SHOUT if you need help.

Wishing you lots of luck in the world.

This place has been a godsend for me.

Love and hugs Jackie xxx

AF(alcohol free) since 7/7/2009

[LVT25]

What now?!?

Hi life and :welcome:

I know it's hard to believe now, but a person can deal with stress without alcohol. I know what you mean about the guilt and depression that comes with "middle age". It is a vicious cycle, and it CAN be broken. And honestly, once you give it a chance, you will find you have less stress to deal with in the first place, and it is EASIER to deal with if you stay sober.

The place to start is with the Book-My Way Out. Stick around here and read some posts, especially in the monthly and long-term abstinence section.

I think if we can break the Al habit, we realize we just don't need it anymore!

Best wishes!

[Winefree]

What now?!?

hi Lifeisgood, yes, the stress and the habit, I can so relate. I too didn't think I could handle it without AL. Well AL is causing you some of the stress and I also believe anxiety that keeps us in that vicious cycle, thinking only the drink will help.
What I found out, is once off the drink, the stress and anxiety are a lot less. No, it didn;t happen overnight. It took a month or two to work through getting AL off my back, but now
LIFEISBETTER and that could be your new name if you can do it.

Read the book and the posts as others have said. Get the supps and give it a whirl.
You can do it if I could.

Winefree

[lifeisgood]

What now?!?

Thanks. I really liked the life is better comment. I chose the life is good name because I know I have a wonderful life, and I need to take control of it before I lose it all through stupidity. Where does all the next day guilt come from? Is that a side effect of the alcohol and if so how come I never experienced that when I was younger? I would love to change my consumption levels to special occasions or work functions. But I tell ya, after a stressful day it's just sooooo relaxing to poor that drink and "not think". What do I replace that with??

[Winefree]

What now?!?

Exercise at the gym(I never thought I would enjoy it, but I do). Going to AA meetings.
Drinking herbal teas with relaxing properties such as chamomile. Taking the calms forte or gaba mentioned in the MWO book. They have all been working for me. Also, now that I am off the booze for 4 months, I am not as stressed as I was prior to AL becoming a problem.
It sounds to me like you may have gone from your younger days of AL not being a problem and now to that turning point where it is. No one seems to know how that happens, but with continued use, it just seems to. We lose control and the alcohol controls us. Not where I want to be anymore.

Winefree

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

What now?!?

lifeisgood;705146 wrote: Hi,
I need advice in a big way because I am lost and I feel like I'm wandering and getting nowhere. I have chosen to deal with my stress by drinking it and now it's become a habit. And it feels great when I'm in the moment having a drink. I don't want the feelings to end and most of the time drink too much and talk too much etc, but it's just nice to feel "numb". The worst though is now the day after I have these incredible feelings of guilt and am super depressed. I never had that when I was younger but I guess that's a middle aged treat. I don't even know what to do anymore. It's like a vicious cycle. It's like I know I have this wonderful life but I can see myself throwing it away because I can't deal with my stress any other way. But how am I going to deal with things if I don't have this crutch??

Hello Lifeisgood, in answer to your last question, it is a crutch and I used it as one too. However once I finally decided enough was enough and got some AF time under my belt I saw it for what it was. I personally find it easier to face life head on and deal with my feelings than continue on that never ending merry-go-round from hell. Daily drinking, waking up with a hangover, feeling and looking crap most days and seeing the world through a haze, not to mention the guilt and shame that goes with it. I took a couple of weeks for that mist to lift and with eating healthy, taking the supliments, posting here daily I started to feel human again. I started to exercise for the first time in years and not only is my body so much healthier so is my mind.
Alcohol is a depressant that is why you feel no better afterwards.
Is living your life " just nice to feel "numb" really experiencing every precious moment of this wonderfull life?
Only you can decide to break this "vicious cycle" and I hope you do. There is a huge amount of support here all you have to do is decide.
Keep safe
KTAB

[lifeisgood]

What now?!?

No, it's not. It's wasting my life and the numbness is because I'm sick of being stressed all the time. I feel like I'm on a merry go round and I can't get off and like I'm not even me anymore. I just want to be "normal" and have that casual drink with a co-worker or on a special occassion and just leave it at that. I just want to not have to feel like I have the weight of the world on my shoulders because no one appreciates everything I'm holding together. High pressure job, teenagers. I want to be able to say/think yeah, I've got alot on my plate but I'm not going to have that drink. I can't beleive that I've gotten to this point where I have let it become this big of a problem. I feel like such a loser and I wish I could rewind my life and make different choices. I'm really terrified right now that I am not going to be able to pull this off. It's going to suck me in and I'm not going to be able to deal with my life without it and my life is going to continue to get worse and then I'm going to start losing the things I've somehow managed to hang onto thus far.

[warrior22]

What now?!?

Life is good,
I read your posts, and i feel it it could have been me writing those 2 weeks ago. I'd been drinking every evening for years and years, and I couldn't imagine getting through a night without a few drinks. I was terrified to stop--and yet I couldn't figure out exactly what I was so scared of! Maybe I thought the stress I was numbing with the drink would explode and I'd hurt myself or someone else! Maybe I thought I'd find I truly COULD NOT get through a night without a drink, and then I'd simply give up hope altogether. Maybe I was afraid that I'd find out I hated my life and my family when I wasn't drinking. All I knew was that I was scared to death to stop.

But 11 days ago, I DID stop. And it turned out I had nothing to be afraid of! In fact, it has been wonderful! I had the encouragement of folks here, and of a counselor I"d begun to see, and I was taking the supplements recommended in the MWO book and listening to the hypno CD's. Somehow it's worked, so far.

For me the FIRST night of not drinking was the hardest by far. Once I realized I could actually get through a night without a drink, and it was not only possible but pleasant, I felt like it has opened up a whole new world. I'm still learning and exploring what this AF life is like. It sounds like you have so many reasons to get control of your drinking, and you sound like a person who can do it. Let the folks here help you!

[lifeisgood]

What now?!?

I want and need to do it. I'm scared that I can't.

[redhibiscus]

What now?!?

It is really hard at first. I have just tried to get more AF days strung together as I usually drank most nights after work, passed out, woke up feeling anxious, heart pounding, sweating, shamed, upset, tossing and turning. Then the lovely day at work trying to act like I'm great. MOst of my life felt stressful and sick due to this cycle of drink, hangover, drink, hangover.

So, what can you do the first night? Cook dinner, clean up, read, take a walk, take a bath, talk on the phone, make a list of things you used to do or want to do, or maybe just go to bed early. I loved reading the my way out book in the beginning and the hypnotherapy and the supplements. Anything to keep busy and get through those first couple of days. You can do it...keep coming to this site for support. We are all on this journey together.

[bear73]

What now?!?

hi there i'm 36 and 16 days af/sf - i used booze as stress mgmt - it makes it worse - i too found the emotional hangovers too hard to take- worsened my depression which is why i drank. i felt i needed to get off before it got much worse - my mum drinks VERY heavily.

i find taking it an hour at a time,doing something different - have a massage - bubble bath- yoga - walk with music on i pod - breathe - list all good things you have - and have kept.

Avoid the booze situations for a while - meet a non drinking friend for food/cook at yours/cinema - monthly abstinence is a great place for me lot of experience there- daily thread. i hope this helps, keep coming back.

[namaste]

What now?!?

Lots of good advice here Life. I would add, try to get out into nature. It seems to be that little extra thing that gets me out of myself. Maybe it's because I typically drink in my home, in my 'cave'. Getting myself out of that familiar place and out into nature gives me a bigger, more beautiful perspective on things.

Keep coming back. Sounds like you are doing well!

[Doggygirl]

What now?!?

Hi lifeisgood. Oh I can so relate to the desire to somehow change things so I could drink like a "normie." I think I was initially attracted to MWO because of that "hope" I could find a way to moderate my out of control drinking, even though in my heart I knew I couldn't. I know that desparate feeling, that's for sure. I don't have kids but have done the career ladder/pressure thing, the keep up with the Joneses thing, and all of that "stuff" that I thought was stressful.

It took some doing but when I finally accepted that I'm an alcoholic, and if I want to lead a healthy and happy and sane life, I can't drink - things started getting better. Here are some things that are true for me:

Alcohol does not relieve stress. Alcohol causes stress. (i.e. I would worry endlessly over things while drinking, but never actually DO anything about them to ACTUALLY relieve the stress)

Alcohol does not solve depression. Alcohol causes depression. (i.e. I regularly considered suicide during my final drinking years. Today, I can't believe that was actually me. And for me, it did not take any medications for that change to occur - thankfully getting rid of the booze was all it took)

Alcohol does not solve problems. Alcohol causes problems. (need I say more about such things as irrational arguments with spouse, friends, family, etc.?)

Alcohol is not "fun." Drinking stopped being "fun" for me so many years ago I can't even remember when that happened.

For me, it has been worth doing WHATEVER IT TAKES to get free. I am a grateful, happy and FREE person today.

Strength and hope. Never give up. The prize is worth everything you have to change in order to get it.

DG