Hi all, advice please?

[LozzyJane]

Hi all, advice please?

Thanks Jandal and and Space
So nice to have some people out there who totally understand.
I'm stuffing up all the time, but at least I'm aware and wanting to give up. My husband hates me and we are barely speaking. He wrote me a two page letter saying that he's about to give up, and he mentioned several times that he hates the stench of the alcohol. We aren't intimate very often (every few months) and now that he's said that it's made me feel even worse. Don't want to approach him at all for fear of rejection - again!
I'm wishing for the magic pill/miracle as well - I come from a long line of alcoholics and also fear that I'm going to pass it on to my children.
Do you think that we drink because we are unhappy or are we unhappy because we drink? Probably a very common question and maybe a "duh" answer, but I truly can't figure that one out. If my partner was supportive and loving, and respected me, would I feel less of a need to drink? Or am I drinking because I just feel so crappy about myself, and even if I had a totally wonderful, supportive, almost perfect partner, would I still drink?

[TakeHeart]

Hi all, advice please?

Hi Lozzy...

Ahh....the old chicken and egg thing...

I never thought about it, but very interesting.

For me, I have a wonderful BF that couldn't be more supportive. So I can't blame that for my drinking.

HOWEVER, I am really unhappy in my job (sales) which is 100% commission based. Not only do I not like my job, but have been making next to nothing, which has put a severe financial burden on me.

So....do I drink because I am totally unfufilled in my career OR is my work floundering because I drink?
If I loved my job and got paid for my efforts, would I not drink..or atleast as much???

I'll have to run that around the mental playground.

None the less...Best wishes and Good Luck!!!

[LozzyJane]

Hi all, advice please?

Dear TakeHeart
Thanks so much. Knew it was the old chicken/egg thingy - but darn it, I thought someone would have THE ANSWER!
I think we drink because we drink and always have done (in my case at least).
Why do we choose partners that enable us? My ex-partner was alcohol dependent so I learned a lot from him. My husband has been smoking dope for over 35 years (softly), but I am the worst person in the world because I am such a heavy drinker, and he is the victim of my alcohol dependence. He hates me. But he loves our children, obviously, and we have a lot of financial stuff to sort out, kind of like a business arrangement really, rather than a marriage.
Should I stay or should I go?
L x

[dancelot]

Hi all, advice please?

Hi, LozzyJane-

There's a website DrugDigest where you can check and crosscheck any combination of prescription and OTC drugs as well as supplements.

I use only kudzu , L-glute, and SAM-e, which all help. Also eat a balanced diet.

I can definitely relate to your marriage woes. Sounds exactly like my ex (who's my "roommate" now, but that's another story). I do find the more sober days I have, it's less likely that he can push my buttons, and I can clearly see when he's just messing with my head, rather than feeling so beaten down emotionally or guilty and thinking I caused whatever his problem of the day is.
I hope as I get stronger, I can resolve this once and for all, and not by getting involved with another guy who's just the same tiger with different stripes.

Anyway, hang in there, try different things (including check with your doctor about all the meds), and keep coming here for support. You're pointed in the right direction, that's a start.

Much love to you - Dance