Undeserving

[Guest]

This is incredibly hard to put out there...but I've reached the point where the shame is just too much...not just the shame of being an alcoholic...but how I act when I drink....to be blunt I am a whore...need male attention...I am married with two beautiful teenagers. My husband loves me...so what is wrong with me... if anyone else relates I would really appreciate hearing from you. I'm a mess...no question...

[beagle]

Undeserving

hey! firstly welcome to here - a great place to be. An incredible amount of fantastic people on here who know exactly how to help.
I can say Schaefer that I am overwhelming flirt when I drink excessively,in fact my husband gets ashamed of me,but not as much as I get ashamed at myself.We are alwasy our worst enemies I reckon.
A few weeks ago I was about ready to knock myself off but coming on here with these people who knew me not from a grain of salt passed no judgement & helped me through that.
No-one judges you here.No-one blames you or faults you.
There is a thread Ruby posted called The Awakening which is a great read - I've printed it off for myself.
Also the cd's from this site are truly amazing.The Clearing cd help to flush negativity from your mind.
Learning to like yourself Schaefer is probably one of your first steps. But you're on here & that's great.Just keep coming back & post your thoughts & all you'll get from here is good things.Serious.
Worth more than anything.

[schafer51397]

Undeserving

I feel your pain....I am divorced b/c of my drinking. I made changes - I was a tolerable social drinker...couple drinks at hour with co-workers. Then once I decided it was time to start going out & dating.....next thing you know I was drinking like a fish....had an awesome boyfriend during this time also. Well thanks to my drinking - I become a mean drunk, fall down, pass out Bitch....this all took place this past Saturday....we are no longer a couple. In fact we were scheduled to go on a cruise Oct 22. Well that ain't happening...I am back to where I was. No better off, did not learn my lesson apparently.

I am back off the bottle, I have ordered the CD's & Vitamin Packs....I am determined to not let my drinking ruin any more realationships or friendships.

I am very hopeful this time around. Hang in there & know you are not alone.

[beagle]

Undeserving

Hey Schafer5 - sounds like a good decision you've made.
Those cd's are great.
Good luck on your journey too.

[RedThread12]

Undeserving

Ooooh . . . my heart goes out to you for how you are hurting. I'm a middle-aged, divorced, childless woman who has had lots of lovers, many of whom are still powerful, positive associations in my life.

So, even though your drinking may be a serious problem, and is definitely contributing to your suffering, I just have to point out that the whole idea of "whore" is a fabrication of our Puritan culture and you should GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK about sexual feelings and associations coming up when and wherever they do. I feel very strongly about this dysfunction in our cultural perception that results in so many women suffering so much.

Think about it, although there is a word that describes the male version of a nymphomaniac - NO ONE knows it. (Well, okay, maybe a few people do - it's "satyr.") And it's clearly not because there are no "hypersexual" men! There's really not even an adequate word for whorish behavior by men. So what's up with THAT and why should we women be judged so harshly for behavior that is completely accepted among men. The current Letterman situation is a perfect example. Is anyone calling him a whore? A satyr? I think not.

So, as Beagle suggests, letting go of your self-judgment is a good place to start. It isn't just a good idea, it's in keeping with reality. I think some of us drink because reality gets so distorted that it becomes the only way to try to make things seem sane and reasonable.

There's a fabulous opportunity for you here and I send you lots of strength to 1) put aside the self-judgment and 2) take the steps you need to take in order to find a strong sobriety and a strong trust in your own path to your own "way out."

There's so much information and wisdom and support and knowledge on these boards. Make use of it all. You'll be amazed before you're half-way through (ooops, I think I stole that from the Big Book of AA!). Best to you. You can get well, and more.

[mario]

Undeserving

just like to say hi & :welcome: schafer,There are no judgements here,just advice and help and friends ,we all here have a past in which drinking has played a huge part,log in everyday to this community and join us :goodjob:

[JackieClaire]

Undeserving

:colorwelcome:

Shaefer and Shafer,

You've found a good safe place here where NO-ONE passes judgement.

Keep reading,keep posting.

We're all in this together.

SHOUT when you're struggling.

Stay close and let us know how you're getting on.

Wishing you all the luck in the world.

Love Jackie xxx

AF since 7/7/2009

[savon19]

Undeserving

Shaefer - it sounds like you are ready for some changes. I would venture to say that it is the Rare person who drinks to excess who Hasn't done/said things they are ashamed of.

I recently scared off a nice guy that I had just started to date... by getting drunk and acting like an idiot! And nice (available!) guys in my age group are few and far between. That could very well have been my last hoorah!

Hold your loving family CLOSE. While everyone says we have to get sober for ourselves (and that's true), you have other reasons...

Please throw away that word you called yourself. That is not the REAL you.

Good luck - and stay in the present with one eye on a future full of hope.

PS - Seee, I have a hard time not calling myself names, too! Called myself an Idiot, as you can see... So do as I Say, not as I DO.

[Guest]

Undeserving

Thank you

It is hard to describe how grateful I am to each of you who has responded to my post. A counsellor once told me that I was heading for a train wreck with my drinking...and she was right. I have been unfaithful to my husband...one night stands (most of which I don't remember...but the parts I do recall make my skin crawl)...emotional affairs...but for the grace of God I have not destroyed my family. I wonder why what I have isn't enough. I feel as if I have this huge hole inside of me that nothing will ever fill. I thank you all for your wonderful advice and sharing your stories.

[AAthlete]

Undeserving

Schaefer, if you're like me you were using sex to fill a void in your life; trying to make yourself feel better. Alcohol over time depresses us and makes us feel pretty low. It also lowers our inhibitions, so I could become the outgoing and happy person that I wanted to be. Of course EVERY girl wanted to be we with that kind of person, or at least that's what my mind told me. :no:

I had to learn how to be happy with myself and accept me just the way that I am. Certainly not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I no longer gauge my self-worth by the opposite-sex company that I keep, either.

Hang around, read some posts (and of course the book), and jump in head first. There is a wonderful life waiting for you if you are ready to do a little work. Welcome to MWO, btw....

[Guest]

Undeserving

Thanks!

Thank you AAthlete. I'm sure you're right...I am trying to fill a void...I just hate myself for stupidly doing it over and over...to what end...It's not like I enjoyed...or even remembered it...each stupid choice is a part of me forever. I'm happy to hear that you were able to learn to accept yourself...sometimes I feel as if I will never get there. But just taking this step...of reaching out...has helped me so much. I do feel hopeful that perhaps one day I will be the one answering someone's post...having been there and made it through. I really hope and pray that it is true. I so appreciate you taking the time to reply to my post and welcome me. Means so much...I will stick around and can't wait to do lots of reading!

[Emmy]

Undeserving

Schaefer .. Keep coming back here , these ppl are amazing , including myself ( haha)

[Guest]

Undeserving



Thank you Emmy...you are all awesome! I know everybody has done things they regret while drinking...just feel like I am one of the worst case studies! But even if I am I still feel like I have come to the right place...for once in my life!:thanks:

[greeneyes]

Undeserving

You WILL get there!!!! I believe in you.

[AMELIA]

Undeserving

Hi Shaefer,
Hello from me too! I know when I love male attention (drinking or not drinking) and I believe it is all down to low self esteem. Work on doing things to make yourself feel good about yourself and you may not need the attention of other men.
Are you able to go to a counsellor to talk through this (confidentially of course) so that you gain extra support? As you have probably found with this thread, sharing your problems with others (and not being judged) really does help us to feel better about ourselves.
Wishing you and your family all the best.