Undeserving

[Guest]

Undeserving

Thanks greeneyes! And Amelia you hit the nail on the head I think. Self esteem...been working on that all my life but am getting nowhere...obviously huh! I've been to pyschiatrists, pyschologists, you name it...but maybe I just haven't found the right one? Or maybe there is just so much more work to be done...Sharing has helped...I sometimes say I don't fit anywhere in this world...but I read other's posts and feel that I have come to the right place. Emotionally right now I am a mess. I live in Canada and this weekend is our Thanksgiving. I have so much to be thankful for...hate myself for risking it all with every drink.

[JackieClaire]

Undeserving

Hi Shaefer,

I'm so pleased to see that you keep coming back.

Mr JC once said to me he'd never met any one with such low self esteem. Mine was mother/daughter issues.

I've just come out of a long period of counselling about it.

Giving up alcohol has helped hugely. I'm getting there with the self esteem issues. Wish me luck.

Love Jackie xxx

AF since 7/7/2009

[Guest]

Undeserving

Thank you Jackie! I'm finding that no matter how bad things get it is comforting to come here. I so relate to your self esteem issues...I sometimes think mine come from having a very beautiful sister who so unlike me in a lot of ways. We are close...but it's hard. When I was pregnant with my first child my grandmother said at a family dinner that if it was a boy she hoped he would look like my husband...and if it was a girl like my sister. I applaud you giving up alcohol...so wonderful! And I do wish you luck on the road to loving yourself...I know how hard it is. You give me hope that maybe I can change things. Take care and stay strong!!

[JackieClaire]

Undeserving

Hi Shaefer,

As one low self esteemer to another you'll understand when I say thank you for saying thank you.

And I bet you're gorgeous as well.

So pleased you keep coming back.

Love Jackie xxx

AF since 7/7/2009

[universal]

Undeserving

schaefer - hello from a fellow canuck. And happy thanksgiving!

I can so relate - OMG - I started drinking heavily at 27 when my mom passed away and my husband had an affair. I did some horrible things while drinking - had men over while my daughter was sleeping and so on. I am just now learning to let go of some of these things and it's hard and I still cringe when I think of it. I still to this day think that maybe I'm a bad person when I think of those things. And then I remember I'm not - it was just the AL. It made me do stupid things because I was lonely and I was hurting.

I also went through multiple therapists - I have finally found one who works for me (after honeslty going through about 4). she has been a godsend in my life.


Remember this weekend what you are thankful for. I am thankful for my beautiful daughter, my life and my MWO friends. Becasue honestly 5 years ago I wasn't even sure if I was going to make it. So I'm very thankful.

Keep posting, stay with us. You will make it, I have faith in you.

Have a great thanksgiving and if you need to chat, pm me anytime.

Love and hugs and welcome!
Uni

[Guest]

Undeserving

Thankful

Jackie...I do understand...and thank you!! Sheri...I know you are right...it's hard to make that shift...from hating myself to hating the alcohol...but when you put it like that I really want to. Self-loathing is an incredibly strong thing in it's own right...in my case it's kind of like the which came first...chicken /egg debate...but in the end it doesn"t matter...I just need help! And to Universal...Happy Thanskgiving to you! I am thinking maybe I will try again and serach for a new therapist...it's not that I've ever had awful ones...except for the psychiatrist I went to for my first visit...I told her I had an intense, irrational fear of being raped...she told me if you are you going to be raped you should lie back and enjoy it. I was so upset... and so young at the time that I said or did nothing. But I think of her words often...what kind of doctor says that!? I am thankful for many things...and I'm not going to lie and say that I haven't drank this weekend. But I truly am thankful for finding the courage to post a message...for everyone who has taken the time to respond...for all the non-judgement...means so much. I wish you all the best. :

[Guest]

Undeserving

Falling apart

I'm a mess...I feel as if I don't drink I will crawl right out of my skin...so I do...I can't stand myself drinking or sober.

[beagle]

Undeserving

Hang in there Schaeffer28....imagine that if you're in a well ( a deep,dark bitch of a one like we all know) that you are clinging on with 1 finger,then you make it to 2 fingers,soon 1 hand is securely holding you up outta that well depths...that's all it takes to hang in there - just 1 hand holding tight.We can reach down & grab you & pull you up if you just hang on.
Do yourself a favour,buy the Clearing cd from this sight.It is absolutely the best thing I've come across....as a person who was very negative about self & with very low self esteem....can you get hold of it?

[ChickenNumber3]

Undeserving

Schaefer28!

Right now you feel like cr#$!@!

It's okay though, cause we are here beside you! We are either going through the same thing or have just managed to come out the other side, or may even not even be there yet (see you are ahead here)!

But know this, we have all been there or are there!

Schaefer! Right now I am modding! It is hard and a trial every day, but you can do it!
Going back to your original posts though:
Firstly I just want to say that it is SO unfair that there is no term for a male 'whore'! But should there be at all? Because a camp-follower was once a wife or lover who followed her man out of love and honour! She endured hardship and suffering to be with him in many ways! She gave him solace when there was nothing other than pain & war to greet him each day! She gave him comfort and empathy and affection when he could have it no other way!

Going back further however:

Many cultures had their origins in a matriarchal society, bloodlines were through the mother, what need to query a child's heritage when it comes from 'between your legs'?
A woman could bed anyone she wished to in the firm knowledge that she was her own mistress and also sure of the bloodlines she carried!

I have nothing against men, they suffer alot actually nowadays, including PND, but no woman is a whore! She is but the author of her own story!

Chook

[Guest]

Undeserving

Beagle, thank you...I am so far down in that well right now. Woke up this morning remembering about half of the night before...saw on my computer the log of a very flirtacious converstaion with a guy I hardly know...HATE myself. And Chook...thank you...it helps so much to have this support system. I so want to do better!!

[RedThread12]

Undeserving

Well said, Chick 3!!!!

[santybury]

Undeserving

Hi Kimmie
Aw, I feel for you I really do. I only came on here today after yet another drunken night which I cant remember. Have fallen out with a good friend and cant even tell you what happened, im feeling pretty ashamed yet again. Like you, when im drunk i become a preditory female. Usually my make up has slid off and I look a mess, a drunk mess. My counsellor always says that i crave male attention because my father left when i was 13 leaving me to a crazy mother. Whatever the reason is, its not a good trait and the shame I feel the next day is too much to bare at times. Alcohol has taken my dignity and there are so many places I wont go because I have made a total prat of myself in the past. I cannot begin to tell you about the terrible things I have done whilst drinking and the pain I have caused my family and my 2 daughters in particular. I realise today that I cant go on like this, and like you want to make changes in my life. I guess, that being an alcoholic doesnt make you a bad person, it can make you act like one at times though. I hope you forgive yourself and move forward to a life without drink. Your not a whore either, dont beat yourself up, your not alone and I imagine thewre are so many people who have read your post who have done the same and worse still as you, (and I!)
Good luck in finding sobriety x