42yr old perth australia needs help

[saintpaddy19]

im not winning i think i am pretty close to being evicted.
i did rehab 10 years ago had a couple of years sobriety busted and have not stopped since
the last month i have had a falling out with my family my gf dropped me there is a situation at work that i am under pressure
i took 2 weeks holiday to escape
i have drunk a carton of beer a day for those 2 weeks
my head is a continual migraine my stomach aches stuff just pours out of me on the toilet
but i still cant stop i hardly eat
i am drinking now i dont know what to do i am killing myself i know it
but i cant stop
i asked the doctor a couple of months ago for antabuse i think its called but he said i had to be sure
i dont know what to do

[Waving_not_drowning]

42yr old perth australia needs help

Mate, I have no advise.. but I am here if you want to talk...

I find my thinking has more to do with anything than my drinking...

Are you depressed or anxious?

David

[Waving_not_drowning]

42yr old perth australia needs help

Go back to your Dr and tell him honestly where you are at and ask for help...

You might be suprised....

Valium (Diazepam) to make withdrawal easy, antabuse or Campral to help you stayed stopped and support groups...Like this one (almost everyone doesn't want to do AA)

Just an opinion..

[Cathy40]

42yr old perth australia needs help

hi Saintpaddy and welcome! I would do what waving says...go back to your doctor, let him know exactly what you have said in your post, and ask him for help. There is no point in taking antabuse if you are not serious about your ability to stay off al, as it can be dangerous to take it and drink. start thinking of inpatient detox, stay on here chatting or posting....but stop drinking....just for now.

[Waving_not_drowning]

42yr old perth australia needs help

..

[RedThread12]

42yr old perth australia needs help

Hi Paddy: Welcome to MWO and having the courage to post your situation. I believe, and it has been my experience, that being honest with our condition is the first step toward healing. That said, I completely relate to your story and just NOT being able to stop.

I had to tell a lot of people and get help from a friend of mine who is a psych and can write scripts for me in order to even get close to stopping. I made a plan, with the help of my friends and the meds, and even then it only got me started toward stopping. The doc prescribed Campral, which I happened to have really bad side-effects from, so my first plan didn't work at all. But at least it got me slowed down (suicidally depressed, but not drinking as much!!) and I was able to utilize this forum extensively to figure out what I needed and also what I realistically could do in order to keep from continuing to spiral out of control.

It's not easy . . . it hasn't been for any of us, but read, read, read all the medical and personal information on these boards. Your way out will be YOUR way out, but I KNOW you can find it and you've come to a great place to get honest, helpful information and support. Hang in there, do whatever you can and ask for help whenever you feel the need.

[hippie37]

42yr old perth australia needs help

I believe, and it has been my experience, that being honest with our condition is the first step toward healing. That said, I completely relate to your story and just NOT being able to stop.

I'm with Red on this one Paddy. You have to be completely honest with yourself first and foremost though. My kind of honesty was one that was manipulating because although I told the truth outwardly it was in a way to ease my own conscience or to relieve me of the burden of some guilt or shame I was feeling. I was still not ready to accept I was an alcoholic/addict. So all the promises in the world, that I was going to change, never materialised because I had not accepted this. In the back of my mind, even my subconscious mind, I was always at some point going to have another drink.

I tried Antabuse and I'll be honest with you, at the time it served a purpose in that it stopped me drinking. But that was all it did. Every time I stopped taking them I would relapse because I remained in the problem trying to talk my way out of my alcoholism. That's what I did best, was talk and analyze and philosophize because deep down that was what kept me safe (for a while) but still in denial of my alcoholism. I ended up accidentally drinking on Antabuse and it was one of the most horrendous experiences I've had. Not a nice place to be I can tell ya!!. The purpose of Antabuse is that it will give you some respite while you can deal with the problems going on in your life that have caused you to use alcohol.

I am not long out of treatment myself where I spent 12 weeks looking at my own addiction through the 12 step philosophy. I fucking hated AA with a vengeance. I had read so much stuff on the internet and my feelings where that it was a cult and I didn't need brainwashing. Getting into fellowship though was probably the best thing I've ever done because believe me after going through treatment I could see just how badly my brain was in need of a wash. I could see how controlling I had been, how manipulative I had been and I had rationalized AND justified my drinking on many occasions. My behaviour was terrible at an emotional level. Yet outwardly I would come across as Mr. Nice Guy. I don't feel uncomfortable saying that, today I am a nice guy with good intentions that come from a place of love and compassion and not from a needy self centered place. It was ALL about me. Feeling sorry for myself and not taking responsibility for my actions. The sooner I accepted that the world doesn't owe me a living and that I truly was an alcoholic (and I mean from a gut level not just my head) then I was able to move forward into recovery. Sometimes we have to loose everything before we get that, including our sanity. Rock bottom is a state of mind my friend not a destination. I was physically, mentally and spiritually dead inside before I woke up and smelled the roses (I'd say coffee, but I don't drink the stuff!).

Maybe that's a point you are reaching yourself right now Paddy. It's never too late to reach out for help and this is as good a place as any to do that. Just don't think this is going to be an easy ride! I still live my life through the principal of a day at a time and YES I am still in fellowship. I know it's not for everyone, but it is the ONLY solution I have found that works for me, having tried everything else BUT a 12 step approach.

Welcome and I hope you too find your own way out.

Love and Light
Phil
xx

[JackieClaire]

42yr old perth australia needs help

Hells Bells Hippie,

Powerful stuff there and so true. Thankyou.

Welcome Paddy.

Not much to add to what's already been written. But PLEASE take the time to read it.

Love Jackie xxx

AF since 7/7/2009

[Angelcakes]

42yr old perth australia needs help

:l Mate...
What the others said + this is a whole programme with lots of tools to help you stop/slow down your drinking. It involves diet, exercise, hypnotherapy/meditation, vitamin supplements, medication (if you choose) and the community here - you can use any or all of these tools to help you. It's a bugger of a thing this not being able to control how much you drink - and everyone here has been or is in the situation. You're not alone friend.
Keep reading & posting, try to formulate a plan as to how you're gonna tackle the problem, make another appt. with your Doc and tell him you ARE sure you need meds if that's what you decide.
Hang around Paddy, I look forward to getting to know you.

xo

[saintpaddy19]

42yr old perth australia needs help

has a person shit on a mates stairs and not known it when his mate has turned up at work the next day and hit him and not known what for that was 20 years ago and i have only just realised im still doing the same thing. my best mate told me tonight on phone from townsville that i would have no clue what i have ever done to others and that is on top of what i know i have done to others. i know im rambling. u people seem like the type that will listen to my rambling at least for a little bit. not many others have. thanks for that,

[mario]

42yr old perth australia needs help

:welcome: and hi paddy everyone of us here have a past,and most likly not a good one,keep posting and reading,you have taken a great step already :goodjob:

[JackieClaire]

42yr old perth australia needs help

Hi Paddy,

So pleased you came back.

Keep reading ,keep posting.

We're glad you're here.

Love Jackie xxx

:l

[Guitarista]

42yr old perth australia needs help

G'day Paddy, and welcome.
The grog's not doing you any favour's, and it never will. Sounds like you need to take action now. Be proud of yourself for taking the step to be here, and to also post, and talk about your situation. You've got to take charge of you, and get a grip, my friend, and right now. Read, read, and read everything here, think, reflect, then do, and get yourself a plan of attack. Do whatever it takes. See a doctor. If you need medication to get you through, do it, but under medical supervision. You would know about de-toxing, and the danger's there. Do it under, or with medical supervision. For me, setting a date to stop helped, as i gave myself time to get a solid plan and support together. Drinking as you are doing, is a slow suicide. Get a plan, and get cracking friend.

Best wishes on your journey, and come and say hello on the 'Next day thread' if you feel comfortable, and think it might help. Lot's of Aussies, and good folk/support in your time zone.

[savon19]

42yr old perth australia needs help

Keep ramblin', Paddy. Let us know how you're doing.

We're pulling for you. We're all pulling for each other!!

[saintpaddy19]

42yr old perth australia needs help

you know that feeling when u wake up next day and realise how sick u feel. u cant lie in bed because it might become my tomb. so i pace i cant drink coffee cause it makes my heart race even more. i drink water and hope the hours go quick so i can feel a little better. u wonder if today is the day the body is going to say enough and pack it in. i dont want to die i am scared i am sick. i only have my cat to hug.physically i feel pretty bad this morning tingles in my arms chest tight i dont want to feel like this i am scared i am not going to drink today.