Husband wants divorce

[Guest]

Husband wants divorce

Marshy,
Oh thank you for your kind thoughts. I want to wait till the last moment to tell them.
He has done this before to me, I packed to leave and he changed his mind.The boxes are still here, packed a year later.
I can't put them through it till the last moment when I really leave.
I hate to say this about him, but he has been really cruel to me, my kids can't take it, it hurts them too much.
I can't do this to them.
I hate to admit, I'm so down after years with him, I've lost my self confidence and courage. It hurts my kids too much. My daughter whom I was close too, can hardly talk with me anymore. I think they worry about me. I haven't seen her and her children in three years. It breaks my heart. I'm afraid to see her, I can't handle it. I would never stop crying. I know she is afraid to see me. I know she cannot stand to see me living in this pain.
They will be thankful if it is over, even though they know I want it to work.
I can't explain.
I love him, but he is cruel. But he is loving. Make any sense? I am turning 60, he is a handsome man, he will be the last man I will ever be with. I wanted my marriage to work.. I wanted to make everything good. It hasn't worked yet.
Oh I know I sound so pathetic, but I have been a good wife to him, I've worked so hard at this. I have nothing else. He doesn't share. I pay my own way, I am broke. I am afraid. I got old and afraid.
See how crazy that sounds to my kids.
OK, I need some sleep.
I'm saying things here I don't want to know. I hate to admit.
Please don't anyone put me down now, I'm too vulnerable to handle it right now.
Thank you all.

[Guest]

Husband wants divorce

PS. I don't see my kids because they live 16-18 hours away. I would see them if they lived closer. It is not we avoid each other. Please don't think that.
My husband has offered to fly me home to see my daughter and her family, I just can't do it. I know I would fall all to pieces if I saw her and my dear grandchildren. I can't do that and this too. And I have felt I had to do this to survive. I don't know if this makes any sense to anyone, probably not. If I read it , it wouldn't. This is as my Mother used to say, I made my bed, now I have to lay in it. But now it 's gone...See how screwed up I am at the moment. I gave up so much for this, now this.......

[Marshy]

Husband wants divorce

Oh dear, it sounds like a complicated situation for everyone involved.

Yes, try to get some sleep. The morning might bring some clarity...

[Guest]

Husband wants divorce

Thank you dear Mashy

[Guest]

Husband wants divorce

Marshy! Sorry

[Popeye]

Husband wants divorce

Dear Grace,
I'm really sorry that you're hurting so badly.
There's not much I can say, except that I know that this kind of rejection is horrible.
Things will work out as they will, and whatever position you find yourself in at the end of it, you can still live a good life.
You know you can talk to us if you feel the need.

[MissMerlot]

Husband wants divorce

Dearest Grace,
I am so sorry you are feeling so much pain right now.Divorce is never easy.
You will get through this pain...Trust me...i did...
and i never thought it was possible.

My thoughts and prayers are with you....

annie
x

[hippie37]

Husband wants divorce

Grace.

You deserve so much more than this man can offer you. That mentality of sex, drugs and rock n roll is OK when we are young, footloose and fancy free. His 'straying' you should never have had to put up with and for him to think otherwise is immature, self centered and manipulating. I can be all these things too Grace underneath and make out I'm the perfect lovable 90's new-age man in touch with his feelings etc etc. Just as long as everybody loves me I'll be OK kind of attitude. If he wants to live his life the way he does then to be perfectly honest you have no control over that and rightly so. We can't change other people but we can change how we view ourselves. Don't be putting yourself down, like you're over the hill here Grace! It's time to be a strong independent woman and who knows what may happen in the future. Learn to be gentle with yourself and love yourself for who YOU are (warts and all!) When we can do that it is surprising how much confidence we gain.

I have been through a number of relationships myself in the past and I have been YOUR husband in most of them. (even down to the fact that I am a musician too!). I guess my reasons stem from my addiction that lead me into using alcohol and drugs. I am fortunate to have had the opportunity to look more deeply at that. For whatever reasons your husband has, he is less fortunate and will stay blinkered through life always looking for the next 'big' thing and always remaining truly unsatisfied. You have a chance and the opportunity to change and maybe this divorce is God's way of saying that you deserve a better life. It may not seem that way right now as I'm sure you're feeling really hurt right now and of course you are going to feel a real sense of loss. I would too.

Just remember drink is NOT the solution to this problem Grace. It will only escalate your feelings to a level of un-manageability and you will only feel more self-loathing, self-pity and lack of self worth.

My heart goes out to you. Be strong and let them tears do the talking for you. Sometimes I just don't know how to explain how I'm feeling at times and It can be so relieving just to have a good cry and let it out without any need for analyzing it or questioning WHY?

Love and Light
Phil
xx

[greeneyes]

Husband wants divorce

What hippie said.

And.... I am close to your age. My divorce hearing is Friday. I deserve respect honesty and fidelity. I will not settle for less. I'd rather be alone than have the lack of the above whittle down my self esteem. My friends and family are actually happy to see this end. They have actualy said Oh thank God "you're" back. I work for him too. So shortly I will be a middle aged unemployed divorcee. Technically. But in actuality I will be a free spirit and only good things will come my way. Once Jerry Osteen said when someone leaves your life it is for a reason and to wave goodbye, not cling to what is over. Your new life is about to begin. I'll support you any way I can. :l

[work in progress]

Husband wants divorce

Grace, I really feel for you. I know that this has got to be unbelievably rough. You sound like you've given your husband everything including your self worth just to not be alone. I love greeneyes post, I'd go back to it and read it over and over.... you are worth while, you are wonderful, you can be alone and look at this as an opportunity to be free and start over. 60 isn't that old. I am also so proud of you for not going to the liquor store.

You are just as important a human being as he is. You have the right to be angry and indignant at him! Think of how he would act if some woman treated him the way you've been treated. He wouldn't stand for it.

I know it's easier said than done and right now it's a shock. Take time to vent right now. If your login keeps timing out, maybe you can type in microsoft word and then copy and paste.

When the shock wears off, we'll be here to listen and help you as much as we can to move forward.

[ChickenNumber3]

Husband wants divorce

Saving!
Promised I would check up on you! Glad to see so many of the good folks here have stepped in.Sorry I had to leave in a hurry too. Well it is almost bed time for me too, so right now I am just hoping that you are getting some sleep and that things will be better in the morning!
Thinking of you
Chicken

[Heavenly]

Husband wants divorce

greeneyes;735221 wrote: What hippie said.

And.... I am close to your age. My divorce hearing is Friday. I deserve respect honesty and fidelity. I will not settle for less. I'd rather be alone than have the lack of the above whittle down my self esteem. My friends and family are actually happy to see this end. They have actualy said Oh thank God "you're" back. I work for him too. So shortly I will be a middle aged unemployed divorcee. Technically. But in actuality I will be a free spirit and only good things will come my way. Once Jerry Osteen said when someone leaves your life it is for a reason and to wave goodbye, not cling to what is over. Your new life is about to begin. I'll support you any way I can. :l

I agree with hippie and greeneyes ... if this isn't the first time he has done this ... nor the second or third, then I would say try and be strong and tell HIM you are going, even if he changes his mind - so what !!! -

what does he give you except heartache and grief, and maybe one day a killer dsease ??

Be strong (yep it hurts) but get those packed boxes still there from a year ago and leave FIRST.

WHY give him a second chance ... YOU are more important than that, YOU are worth something .... :l

[greeneyes]

Husband wants divorce

And one more little thing. Sometime when we mourn or grieve the loss, it's only the memory of what once was - not what is. Know the difference and leave "what is" because "what was" is long gone. :l

[Heavenly]

Husband wants divorce

greeneyes;735297 wrote: And one more little thing. Sometime when we mourn or grieve the loss, it's only the memory of what once was - not what is. Know the difference and leave "what is" because "what was" is long gone. :l

That's exactly true ... and can never be retrieved by one person struggling alone to mend a marriage .....

[KateH1]

Husband wants divorce

Good morning Grace,

I just want to lend my support as well. I agree with both Heavenly and Greenie. You deserve way better than you have been getting....least of all, peace of mind. I would ask....Are you morning a "Happy Marriage"....or What you dream it could have been. Sounds like the latter to me.

You deserve to have peace of mind and happiness. How can that happen when he is running around with other women? I am sure that your children must feel helpless to help you as long as you are in this situation....thus, the distance. Once you have begun to move forward I am sure your children will reach out to you. It is painful to see somone you love hurting and be powerless to do something.

Just one more thought......how about him moving out? I would pack his stuff and put it in the garage for him!

Wishing you Peace and Light,
Kate