backslide and remorse

[workinprogress]

Over the weekend I didn't drink, and also didn't take any supplements, or listen to the cds, except for the sleep learning one, so started thinking maybe I didn't need them. It was a really busy weekend and I didn't take any time for myself. Then, yesterday when I was doing errands (too many, again not taking time to reflect, etc) I got a 6 pack of beer, intending for it to last a couple of days or so, I guess. Over the course of the day I finished it, and sneaked out to the corner store and got another 6 pack and drank about 3 of them. My 5 year old daughter noticed that I had slipped out. Not cool. Bad mommy. In my mind I thought it was better than driving with her with me, and it only took 3 minutes, etc, but not good. So, that won't be happening again.

This probably seems like twisted thinking, but sometimes I wonder if from a harm reduction standpoint it might be better to have more available so I don't feel like going out and getting more? On the other hand, maybe if I don't have any for a week I won't come up with these crazy ideas.

I have abstained in the past, but always gotten bored and wanted to try moderating, and it has always escalated. I wonder if having one week AF a month would help or something.

It was interesting to read the post that mod is easier after getting alcohol out of the system, which takes a week. I didn't know that. I was resisting the AF part, but apparently it's important...I guess I was feeling like all the stuff wasn't making much difference, but maybe it was if without it I failed so miserably.

I have been sort of doing the program for about 3 or 4 weeks but maybe it would help if I was more consistent. Some days it is hard to listen to the cds, especially with houseguests around...the in-laws visit every 3 weeks or so, which is another story, full of triggers...

Any suggestions would be appreciated...

[Angelcakes]

backslide and remorse

Hi WIP, I've resisted the AF thing for a long time too...no al forever?? and ever ever??? couldn't do it. So I'm breaking it down - went for 30 days, got 10 & now going until the end of October AF. Makes it much more manageable and it's true that after about Day 4 things really start to look up...so maybe a goal of 7 days is manageable for you??
The idea of having booze in the house so you won't slip out is the al brain talking...I'd say a better idea is just not to start in the firstplace, then you won't get yourself into that situation - easier said than done sometimes I know.
And you've learnt that the combo of supps, cds, time for you works - knowledge is power so work it.

xo

[savon19]

backslide and remorse

Hi WIP -

Pretty much every time I see someone post about wanting to mod, people say it's best to be AF for a min. of 30 days (not a week)... It's not just about getting the AL out of your system, it's about changing your routine and whole way of thinking about booze. One week wouldn't do that...

And if you're thinking you want more in the house so you won't be tempted to go out (maybe after drinking) to get more... that doesn't sound like you're really in control.

(BTW - this is not a criticism... just an observation. And I Know I can't mod!!)

Like you and many others, modding quickly escalates for me, too.

Why not join the 7-day thread on the Just Starting forum? (I started it - so I'm prejudiced... but it seems to have attracted some COOL people who are very supportive!) I think there's also a 30 day thread.

I am planning to go at least 30 days. I know it takes that long to change habits and start feeling like life is good Without AL! After 9 days, it already seems to be getting better.

(I know I can slip at any moment, though. Have to be VERY careful not to get cocky or complacent... I could be back to drinking every day or so in a flash!)

Also, I don't do the "program", so I can't address that, but I certainly wouldn't let it become a stumbling block. What I mean by that is, you said it's sometimes hard to follow what you're supposed to do... just don't use that to say, OH wellll, might as well drink since I can't find time to listen to CD's, etc.!

[workinprogress]

backslide and remorse

Thanks for your kind responses! I'll work on it...

[Qwerty]

backslide and remorse

workinprogress;735471 wrote: This probably seems like twisted thinking, but sometimes I wonder if from a harm reduction standpoint it might be better to have more available so I don't feel like going out and getting more? On the other hand, maybe if I don't have any for a week I won't come up with these crazy ideas.

Oh boy, I can really relate to this way of thinking. I used to drink a bottle of wine, then drive to the supermarket to get more. The next morning I'd think, "Wow, that wasn't cool. Today I'd better get 2 bottles so I won't have to drive drunk."
I can't believe I used to think like this. Obviously both scenarios are just plain dumb. Staying sober is the best option (for me anyway).
~Q

[mario]

backslide and remorse

I would ditto everything savon 19 has said