Born to be bad. . --HeLLo I am NeW--

[karma702]

Hi my name is Elise, I just joined the MWO forum today after I was just released from the hospital from suicide watch. aAfter 7 beers my girlfriend and I got in an argeument and I was so depressed I locked the door and cut my arm with a knife. About 40 times "superficial" cuts they called them. I am not suicidal, but more destructive and "addictive personality" ... and now the more it happens I become haunted by it as some sort of emotional blackmail powered by my own selfish fears and insecurities. Every time I get on the right track, I lose focus and then crash. I have just recently become aware to the fact that I have a problem, which my girlfriend has helped me to discover and has been very supportive in the matter, more than anyone deserves.:h I want to stop letting her down. I let down myself as well. I want to get better now .. I am so tired of being depressed. She means so much to me and I don't want to lose her. She is an amazing person in every way.

First of all I want to set the goal of sobriety for 2 months. I want to work out and eat good. While trying to regain my strength for life and love. It's really time to focus because time is running out. I need help tho. I really do. I always try to fly solo but I could really use some support. I am looking forward to exploring the forum and making new friends as well as getting some useful tips and helpful advice.

I am 22 years old and my life so far would make for a great book and movie. I am an artist and a writer, they say we are crazy and abstract. Young, exotic dancer, lesbian, born and raised in Las Vegas, SIN CITY, sex drugs and rock and roll. I've got action, drama, comedy, horror, and romance. I am really a good person. I am usually positive, spiritual, creative, and determined. Sometimes I just feel like I am slipping. Like im too busy worrying about bullshit instead of being greatful for what I have. Thanks for listening and feel free to reply. I will really appreciate it.

Elise

[Cathy40]

Born to be bad. . --HeLLo I am NeW--

Welcome Karma, you have found a good place here with lots of good folks.its great to see you recognising you have a problem at such a young age.....you have a lot of life ahead of you. Hang around, read, post, pop into chat, lurk, do whatever it takes. And Good Luck on your journey

[42cat]

Born to be bad. . --HeLLo I am NeW--

Hey there ... You sound like a smart, amazing, beautiful, caring person .... And I think/hope you know that you are all of those things, which is great.

I, too, have an 'addictive personality' ... Which sucks .. but I also think it means I care ... and that I'm trying to help myself somehow; trying to get by or to quiet the raging thoughts in my head; or simply trying to be happy ... I don't know .... I am a writer ... and am artistic in other ways (crafty, I mean). Funny how addictions like alcohol affect artsy people ... I know they affect other types as well .. but you do hear it a lot with regard to artsy types.

Welcome to the site. Hang in there and read around the boards as much as you can. This is a wonderful place. We are NOT alone in our fight - and that feels great in itself.

[karma702]

Born to be bad. . --HeLLo I am NeW--

That is great thank you cathy and cat. I love your avatars too. I am going to stop by often to chat and stay updated on the regular.

[My New Beginning]

Born to be bad. . --HeLLo I am NeW--

Welcome Karma
So glad to see you here and I think it's great that you have recognized your problem and want help. You are so young. You have everything ahead of you. Stick around here and read and post if you want to. There are many great people here to listen and be supportive.
Wishing you the best!

[brightlite]

Born to be bad. . --HeLLo I am NeW--

Karma,

One of my sayings below is "Everything I need is within me". That is true for you. Reading your post, you tell me that you are a wonderful, sensitive, creative, intuitive, intelligent person. You are young and have many years to "find yourself" but don't fight it...go with the flow! You will be amazed at what you can do if you put your mind to it. Stay close here, read the boards and keep posting.

[karma702]

Born to be bad. . --HeLLo I am NeW--

What is a good way to start? make a goal chart or something... put my goals in writing...?

[Angelcakes]

Born to be bad. . --HeLLo I am NeW--

Hey Karma, well it sounds like you have the determination & the goal...now all you need is a plan to help you get there. Good diet & exercise is a great start...you could also consider supplements (booze makes us deficient in a lot of vitamins/minerals)hypnotherapy & some people use meds as well (toppamax, baclofen, naltrexone) and the information you get here is invaluable.
So get reading & get a plan together...I look forward to seeing you around more & getting to know you.

xo

[karma702]

Born to be bad. . --HeLLo I am NeW--

Hi angelcakes... Thank you for the advice... I am going to start working out tomorrow. Unfortunately I am low on cash right now so I wont be able to get any supplements yet, But I do eat good I cook everyday, and It will only take me three weeks to get back in shape.. I have only fell off for a couple months. I guess I am ahead of the game since I am starting at a young age, everyone here is reminding me how lucky I am to have discovered the problem so soon instead of 30 years of drinking later. Alcohol really is no bueno to me. I started getting shit faced on my own in my room with grandmas black velvet when I was 13 ... And last year I was drinking a bottle of brandy a night. I use to drink bacardi straight in a cup with a straw... and in highschool I started bringing vodka in a fiji bottle so I could be drunk in class... I guess its not as bad as my mom who had been doing acid since she was 13. I am very determined this time and I am going to do it for myself first, as well as my family and my great girlfriend who I love sooo much. and for all of you new friends who believe in me too.

[Angelcakes]

Born to be bad. . --HeLLo I am NeW--

Hey you have a major advantage in that you can start your new life now before too much damage is done. Alcoholism is a disease or illness or whatever you want to call it, and like any illness left untreated it will get worse & make you sicker. So stick with it now...and you have to do it for you, your girl will reap the benefits as well but you're No.1 in this...I have my son in my avatar as he's a major motivator for me.
So if you have any more questions try posting them in the general section - there's a wealth of knowledge out there.
I gotta go shower, been to the gym myself this morning.
Lata.

xo

[brightlite]

Born to be bad. . --HeLLo I am NeW--

Awww Girl! You have some things to work through. Think about it though...what do you want for your life??? Do you want to be a 30 year old drunk...or a 40 year old drunk....no I don't think so! Please find your creativity and focus on that! The past is the past...you are who you are...you can take that knowledge and continue down a road of destruction or change your thinking...change your thoughts. Believe me, I'm older but still working through my own issues from younger days, but look at it like a Kaliedescope, just a simple shift in thinking and look at all the beautiful colors and things that may occur. Just some stuff to think about. It's all in your mind...change your thoughts and you will find more peace.

[karma702]

Born to be bad. . --HeLLo I am NeW--

Thanks Brightlite... That is very true and I have been doing my best today. Your comments are helping me very much to be inspired about tomorrow and my future, how ever it may turn out.

[Change]

Born to be bad. . --HeLLo I am NeW--

karma702;741831 wrote: I am 22 years old and my life so far would make for a great book and movie. I am an artist and a writer, they say we are crazy and abstract. Young, exotic dancer, lesbian, born and raised in Las Vegas, SIN CITY, sex drugs and rock and roll. I've got action, drama, comedy, horror, and romance.

I used to think all those things were cool as well, but now (i've just turned 40) i know they're not. Did the whole sex, drugs and rock n roll. In fact, i worked in the music industry and considered myself cool!

Well, you know what? It's not cool. If i had my time again, i would have made different choices. If i were you, i would reject the decadent lifestyle, it gets you nowhere. I know people in their 40s still living this, it is sad. Good on you for making a plan though

[tawnywitch]

Born to be bad. . --HeLLo I am NeW--

Hi, Karma, you sound very sensible for your age, if you want to do this you will, everyone here has so much to offer, try going to chat soon, it's so good to talk to people who truly understand, love and hug's Tawnywitch

[shirazgirl]

Born to be bad. . --HeLLo I am NeW--

Wecome,
Growing up in Sin City must have been challenging. I go to Vegas every February and only allow myself 4 days there. To much stimulation! Last time I was there, I got so schnockered on Champagne I had to go to the front desk and ask them where my room was (what a jackass). So, it seems you want to get sober and live a better life. It starts w/ you. Reaching out for help is a very important step. There is power in numbers and this site is a very supportive place to be. I hang on to the words of all of those who have had success, ask questions and be patient. This does not happen overnight.
I am grateful for every day I am sober....