Help in AZ

[azmarktb68]

I really need someone CLOSE TO ME to meet up with and talk with....... but if not, this will do. Bear with me here.

I am in love with my best friend. She is wonderful and we have a wondeful time together. It kills me to be away from her. My heart literally cries when I am apart. The problem you ask? She's married and I THINK she only thinks of me as a friend. But with women, who knows. ))

I lie awake crying, drinking enough to get me sleepy, then wake up and have coffee and then a short time later start with the beers. I have to work here in a few hours and I've already downed 9 and had a short nap. I want to continue drinking so I get tired and don't think about her. God, I hate being in love!!

Mark

[drylifeahead]

Help in AZ

azmarketb68

You've come to the right place in terms of support if you are asking to help you stop drinking.
All the tools are here, in the tool box, and many suggestions given to other members who
are struggling as well. You can also get help by getting the supplements suggested.

As for your friend, she is married, and therefore out of reach. In your words 'I THINK she only thinks
of me as a friend', so go with that. You'd know if she thought differently I believe.

Tackle the drinking issue first.

This of course is MHO.

DLA

[penelope pit stop]

Help in AZ

Hi AZMARKETB68
I'm with drylifeahead. tackle your drinking first. Do realize that this girl is out of your reach. Take one day at a time
"Whatever your mind believes becomes reality, whether it is reality or not" Lame Yeshe
Best Wishes
PPS

[Guitarista]

Help in AZ

Hi Mark, and welcome!
You've just got to get off the booze mate. It cloud's our thinking, and it can cause us to focus on what we want to think is real, rather than what IS actually real, and happening, or not happening. Who want's to start a relationship with someone who has a drinking problem? Not many. Get yourself a plan of attack for your drinking, and give the booze a long break. Once you have a clear head, and you must stop drinking for this to happen, you'll be in a better position to see what's going on here. If you are so close to this woman, why not tell her how you feel? Just remember, you mightn't get the answer you are hoping for. For me, i'd either bring your feeling's for her out into the open, or move on. But while you are still drinking, believe me, you will just be going around in circles, torturing yourself, and things could head further downhill, very, very quickly.
Take care of you, my friend, and get yourself a plan for the booze.

Best wishes on your journey.

[Starlight Impress Forever]

Help in AZ

Hi Mark and welcome.

I think you need to identify what your real problem is........surely that`s the booze? Booze robs so many of us alcoholics of our self esteem, often rendering us very needy and yes, sometimes even lonely. No offence, but your posts to date make it seem like you are almost desperate for company, as you`re seeking another member or two who are local to you.

I think you`ll find that with any online forum, such meetings take time to come about as people learn to trust one another. You may well develop strong friendships here, given time, but I think for now, you should take advantage of the opportunity you have here to engage with fellow-members on the MWO forum and perhaps via email.

The journey into sobriety can often seem very solitary, as indeed it is in so many ways, but rest assured there are loads of people here who understand exactly where you`re coming from. There is no need to feel alone.......we all have common ground here, in that we are all alcoholics and given that members are spread throughout the world, you will always find someone here with whom you can chat, nomatter the time of day or night.

I think your life will open up the further down the road into sobriety you venture........that`s my experience anyway.........as the drunken stupors became history, so too did the neediness and the loneliness........I am most content these days.

I also think that perhaps you are not REALLY in love with your married best friend, although you may well feel that you are. I think it`s more likely that you`re passively dependent on her.........it`s sometimes only too easy to want and pursue what/who we can`t have to somehow commensurate for all that is `missing` in our lives. Even if you could have her..........would it truly make you happy, knowing that you had caused another guy`s heart to be broken?...........I think not.

I think for now, you should concentrate on you and how you`re planning on tackling your alcohol abuse. There is a whole new, sober life awaiting you and I think you`ll begin to feel a whole lot happier once you set off down that road.

Wishing you love and strength for your way forward,

Star x

[ijustwantcontrol]

Help in AZ

Sorry, can't post under that name. Yes, I recognize my codependency and I just started reading Dance of the Wounded Souls, which portrays me to the tee. I drink primarily when I am alone and yes, I get very emotional at times. LOL. Actually, its funny at a times. Here's a grown man, very muscular and strong man, in tears over a Kenny Chesney song. You have to laugh at yourself sometimes.

I recognize this other woman is out of reach, but it doesn't make it any easier. Howeveer, you guys/gals are right in that the alcohol certainly doesn't help my mindset. You have no idea what goes thru my mind at times. ))

I don't why I drink excessively to be honest. I think it reinforces my shitty opinion of myself. I drink, I get depressed, I feel sorry for myself, its like a huge comfort zone. Can you imagine someone being comfortable in such a bad place? I can't imagine it, but yet I am that person. LOL. A part of me LIKES being there. I drink, I cry.. I go to sleep. Its a pattern.

Oh well..... things will get better. I will keep you posted. Thanks for the support. I just might start posting daily.

M.

[Gold]

Help in AZ

ijustwantcontrol;751505 wrote: Sorry, can't post under that name. Yes, I recognize my codependency and I just started reading Dance of the Wounded Souls, which portrays me to the tee. I drink primarily when I am alone and yes, I get very emotional at times. LOL. Actually, its funny at a times. Here's a grown man, very muscular and strong man, in tears over a Kenny Chesney song. You have to laugh at yourself sometimes.

I recognize this other woman is out of reach, but it doesn't make it any easier. Howeveer, you guys/gals are right in that the alcohol certainly doesn't help my mindset. You have no idea what goes thru my mind at times. ))

I don't why I drink excessively to be honest. I think it reinforces my shitty opinion of myself. I drink, I get depressed, I feel sorry for myself, its like a huge comfort zone. Can you imagine someone being comfortable in such a bad place? I can't imagine it, but yet I am that person. LOL. A part of me LIKES being there. I drink, I cry.. I go to sleep. Its a pattern.

Oh well..... things will get better. I will keep you posted. Thanks for the support. I just might start posting daily.

M.

It sounds as though you have some good insight into yourself. I can understand about the comfort zone, and part of me/you liking to be there, when we've been stuck in a pattern for some time it does become a comfort no matter how bad it is because of the familiarity. It takes courage and honesty to change and you will be surprised at what new insights and opportunities will come to you without the alcohol, and being open to life.

Sounds a good idea to post daily, it doesn't help to isolate yourself, I know from experience.

Good luck to you.

[peacenik]

Help in AZ

yes, we can imagine being in that 'comfortable place '...that's why we're here, we don't like it either...it's no way to live.

[believer]

Help in AZ

OMG Peacenik! It took me a while to realize that that was a dog in your avatar!!! I thought it was a pink towel! Too funny (love a laugh on a Friday).

Be well!

B

[lodestar]

Help in AZ

:welcome: M and sorry you're struggling with loneliness and the bottle! Been there, and not long ago. This site is a godsend to combat both, in my limited experience. Hope you stick around. Joining a thread and using the chat has helped me get to know people. There is always someone here to help!

On a side note, I saw your post to another new member about people not being supportive here. As a new person myself, I know that a response like that really would have scared me. It is so hard to ask for help, let alone on the internet from a group of "strangers." Just a little food for thought...

Hope to see more of you and wishing you much strength on your journey!

[KateH1]

Help in AZ

I agree that getting sober should be your #1 priorty. As for your infatuation with your married friend...bottom line, she IS MARRIED. I do not believe that it is anyone's right to attempt to come between married partners. This is also not a healthy situation for you. No doubt the drinking is greatly contributing to your sadness and confusion.....drinking does that to us!

As for not receiving the "support" that you desire. Support comes in all sorts of ways. If you are looking for pity and agreement( not saying that you are!) here, you will not always receive that, not here and not in life. But, consider all comments and opinions as just that. You have a perfect right to accept the advice as just another's opinion and nothing more!

Best of Luck!

[Emmy]

Help in AZ

believer;751791 wrote: OMG Peacenik! It took me a while to realize that that was a dog in your avatar!!! I thought it was a pink towel! Too funny (love a laugh on a Friday).

Be well!

B

HOLY CRAP, I had to take a second look , I thought it was a towel too:H

[Emmy]

Help in AZ

Ditto to everything Kate said:l

KateH1;751825 wrote: I agree that getting sober should be your #1 priorty. As for your infatuation with your married friend...bottom line, she IS MARRIED. I do not believe that it is anyone's right to attempt to come between married partners. This is also not a healthy situation for you. No doubt the drinking is greatly contributing to your sadness and confusion.....drinking does that to us!

As for not receiving the "support" that you desire. Support comes in all sorts of ways. If you are looking for pity and agreement( not saying that you are!) here, you will not always receive that, not here and not in life. But, consider all comments and opinions as just that. You have a perfect right to accept the advice as just another's opinion and nothing more!

Best of Luck!

[Gearhead]

Help in AZ

Emmy;751926 wrote: Ditto to everything Kate said:l

AND, having fullfilled both roles (being the married guy who gets cheated on and being infactuated with my best friends wife), I can tell you from experience and those of others I know, that 9 times out of 10 it does not end well. Its human nature to want what we can't have, but some things are best left unsaid. Put yourself in that mans shoes for just a moment. When my ex cheated on me 3 years ago it destroyed a family and changed my life forever.
And I live in Phoenix. I'd be happy to chat about booze or conflicted relationships, PM me.