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[Guest]

I joined this site a few weeks ago, and the support and encouragement I received amazed me. Thanks again to everyone who reached out to me...and a huge thanks to LJ!! I managed to get seven days AF...it felt so good...to be able to read a book without the words blurring...to wake up not shaking...to hear my husband say on day 4 that he was proud of me, even though I hadn't told him what I was doing...he noticed. And when I reached that one week mark there was that voice saying you should celebrate...you deserve a drink. And things with my 19 year old son were coming to a head. He graduated high school in June of 08. He went over a year before he got a job...worked about a month and missed so much time that he lost his job. His father and I kept giving him more time until finally we gave him an ultimatum...you have a month to get a job or else ...and he still didn't do anything...it's been almost a year and a half of him doing nothing...he owes his uncle $1500 and me well over $1000. So we told him he had to leave our home until he got a job. It broke my heart...I felt like I had failed my child. So I felt like I needed a drink...and also I realized that I was punishing myself...I knew I'd hate myself in the morning for blowing a week of sobriety...and I drank. The next day I learned that my son had reached out to his uncle, he admitted he is addicted to pills.....oxycotin and dilaudid. How could I have not known? I knew that over a year ago he was doing pills, but he told me he was done, and I guess he was for a month, but then went back. All the days he missed work throwing up...I should have known...I asked him but he said no, he was off the pills. I feel that I have failed him...drinking everyday myself. No doubt in many ways I have contributed to his addiction. He has been put on a waiting list for a methadone program. I went to detox last summer...put my family through hell...and ended up drinking about two weeks after I came back. What kind of example am I? I'm sorry this is so long...I could really use some advice...I know MWO is about alcohol...but if anyone has any thing to share about my son's addiction I would so appreciate it. :thanks::h

[mentathaloner]

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So sorry to hear about your struggles...I am no expert....but all I know is that we all have to look after ourselves first!! If we are not stable, healthy etc, then how can we possibly be a model for anyone else....and I don't know that "blaming" yourself can come to any good...I think addiction is addiction, whether it is alcohol, pills, food,,,,whatever...any action of behavior that is self destructive cannot be good....anyway.,,,I guess I don't feel very comfortable giving advice as I surely don't have the answers....I hope you can find yours and your son will find his....

[mentathaloner]

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Also, I am here to share with if you would like

[Guest]

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Thank you so much mentathaloner...I notice that your mood is sober...good for you! I know you are right, about having to look after ourselves first...it's hard admitting that for most of my son and daughter's lives I have not been the mom they deserve because I put alcohol first.

[planetjanet]

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Hi Schaefer28,

Try to be very supportive to your son and please don't once again don't beat yourself up. Wow, you made one week that's awesome, so now you know you can do it again. Stay positive, it will help and start with your AF count, things will start to get somewhat easier. I mean, at least your son is going to get help and you are at least TRYING, just don't give up. Most importantly, don't give up on yourself, this is hard thing to beat but I see it as if you are trying to fix it, you are well on your way to beating it.

Hope this helps, keep us posted.

Big hugs,
Janet

[Guest]

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Thank you Janet...your message does help and means so much!! I know that the only reason I got through those seven days was because of MYO. Just reading about others who are walking the same path...and those who are where I want to be...I think about you all from the moment I wake up...and I thank you!

[mentathaloner]

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I can't remember how to change my mood....although sober icon feeling quite lonely....have been alone for 2 whole days now,,,don't know why I don't call friends but just don't have the energy.....My sister is experiencing the same as you...her daughter 19 has appeared to have inherited the wonderful "alcohol" gene....and has no direction in her life.....I also just got news last week that my brother overdosed (but lived) on pills and alcohol.....You know when I was 19, my mother and brother began dealing with their addictions, joined AA and soon took me under their wings...i guess because I liked the change I saw in them I tried to follow them....and life with alcohol, pills etc...lasted for at least 15 years for all of us...my mom never drank again, but transferred addiction tofood,,,my brother was good for 17 years....but then turned to gambling...me I was good for 14 years then returned to alcohol.....I know from my education that addiction is definitely a result of family history......genes, environment, learning etc.....I think if you make the healthy choices your son will turn to you eventually.....don't get me wrong...I don't want to pressure on you saying that you have to change "for your son", but if you choose health and he witnesses it, he will have exposure to another way as well......

[lodestar]

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Hi Schaefer,

I was wondering how you were doing (you replied to one of my posts and I yours a couple weeks ago). So glad you popped in and congratulations on your week AF! That is an awesome accomplishment and, dare I say, bears repeating?

I am terribly sorry that you and your son are struggling right now. I don't have anything to offer except my support. Please take good care and let us know how you're doing.

All kind wishes to you and your family,
Lode

[mentathaloner]

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Hey lode, how are you?

[Zeppie2]

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Hi Schaefer, sorry to hear about your son and his addiction. And congrats to you for your week AF (and the 14 years before it). You have done it once so you know you can do it again. It's good he has reached out to his uncle. Perhaps you can quit together.

Take care of yourself and things will fall into place

[Emmy]

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Just a quick hello to everyone , I wanted to drop off weekend HUGSSSSSSSS :l

Wishing everyone a safe, happy weekend :h Em

[daddynotcool]

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hi Schaeffer ive been in ur sons position ...i have different opinion in sending ur son out for not trying to hold on to a job...do stay in touch with him...years to come, these r the times he would remember u as how good a mother u were....i remember spending years inside a room able to do nothing...to go back to that place again i would rather get slapped by my boss infront of the whole office....thats how tough it was...i would recommend more patience ...more tolerance...he is gonna be alright....

[brightlite]

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Hi Shaeff,

Hugs to you and good job on the 7 days...see how strong you are!! I guess its called "Tough Love" but I don't think I would send him out without trying to also get him help. Or, if he stays he has to agree to get help. Stay the course...fight the fight....never surrender! My best to you and your family.

[planetjanet]

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Congrats on 7 days and I knew you could do it..stay strong and I hope the situation with your son sorts itself out. I think it will, once you start focusing on helping yourself and days become weeks, for some odd reason it really does all work out. Stay on track, keep yourself busy, love yourself and don't beat yourself up for any reason. You are a wonderful soul and thank you for keeping us updated on your progress.

Lots of hugs,
Janet

[Guest]

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Hanging in/on

Just a most sincere thanks to everyone who responded to my post...your kind words and thoughts have sustained me through this trying time. Sheri thank you for that link...wonderful site. It's been a hard week but also a good one in many ways. We talked as a family and told our son that we are here for him no matter what. He is back home. His whole family is behind him and we will do whatever it takes. In saying that I know that part of whatever it takes is me quitting drinking. I'm scared...the pressure is on...I would die for my son...so pathetic that I'm scared I can't quit drinking for him. I need to be a good example for once in my life! Best wishes to you all. :thanks: