selfish

[xspets40]

I've never posted to any forum befor, this is new. im not sure if im even in the right place. my husband has a drinking problem. i knew this since we first met. i thought it was a situational problem, that it would get better. i thought that a better life and better love would make him happy and not need to drink so much. so much for thinking. i need more from him, have needed for over 3 years. i thought it was my fault, tried doing better, tried suicide, now on meds but dr wont increase dose anymore. i dont know how to help him, cant seem to help myself either. i feel, well just really bad. then i see people at church with really bad medical problems, i feel so selfish to dwell on all my problems. what next?

[planetjanet]

selfish

Welcome Xspets40,

Thank you for sharing your story and so sorry to hear that you having such a hard time. Maybe you can suggest this site to your husband. I think the one thing you should do is take care of your well being right now. I know it's difficult to see someone you love self destruct but unless he is willing to TRY to get some help, well you are just asking for more drunken episodes.

Well, keep us posted and again I am sure you will get some great advice and support from this site. I really hope it works out and you are not being selfish at all.
Lots of hugs,
Janet

[Gold]

selfish

Hello xspets40,

I agree with pj, you are not being selfish at all. It certainly sounds as though a priority is to take care of yourself, and who knows perhaps when your husband sees you doing that he will see his own situation needs to change.

Perhaps you could start with some small things for yourself. It almost sounds as though you have forgotten who you are, writing your feelings about things and rediscovering what you used to enjoy and could again might help.

Maybe talk to a counsellor, it sounds as though you keep things to yourself and sharing your feelings with an objective listener could be a help.

Keep coming here and let us know how you are.

[nancy]

selfish

Don't feel selfish. Alcoholism can cause devastating effects to families.

Your problem isn't any less than the people you see in church. But there is one key difference for you in terms of your predicament. You can leave. And it sounds like for the sake of your mental health, considering suicide and on high doses of anti-depressants, you need to consider leaving this guy.

At the very least you need to be in psychotherapy. Maybe Alanon could help. Some things you can't change.

And for your husband, he needs to want this for himself. There are many options. He could go to AA. Or consider medication. One thing that has been very encouraging lately is that a lot of people on this site are having a lot of success with a drug called baclofen. Naltrexone is another option.

Nancy

[xspets40]

selfish

thanks, really. if things were only that simple. i help take care of his parents and their home and yardwork. we also have a farm. ive been trying to place some of the animals but not much luck so far. i dont mind loosing my home, but have so many responsibilities to others i have to consider...

[Lo0p]

selfish

I sent you a private message xpets. You can access it from the 'Private Messages' link in the top right corner of the page.

[planetjanet]

selfish

I understand when you say that it's not that simple, so just try to do whatever you can to help yourself, it's a tough thing but if you take the steps in wanting to help yourself, even if it's "baby steps". It looks bad now however if you at least try to help yourself, it will turn around.....it's up to you.

Keep us posted and please don't give up, it will get better...you are in my prayers.

Lots of hugs,
janet

[xspets40]

selfish

thank you to all responders... thanksgiving weekend my husband saw my post. i noticed a change in him, thought it was because of something that may have happened while he was out of town. i didnt find out about him seeing this site on my pc for almost 2 weeks. we talked about his problem, and mine too. i quit the antidepressents. i decided i dont want to have to be medicated to be able to deal with our life together. he decided he could do without some of the drinking. he still drinks, but consumption is way way down! we are spending more quality time tohgether, things are definitely improving! please continue to keep us in your prayers, as you all remain in mine... thanks and God bless!

[stirly-girly]

selfish

Hi - just now came across your thread. Glad to hear things are looking up. It's a New Year, maybe a new start for you both. Be strong, take care,
Stirly:l