My heart is breaking, father going down the road I fear for myself...

[Liath]

God help me if I end up like this one day.

My dad has lost his job. He has stopped eating and everything else. He drinks all day, sleeps, and vomits. My mom is going to try and get him into rehab tomorrow. I am worried that we are going to lose him. This is my dad and I can't do anything except support my mom as she goes through this hell.

I need some advice. What will happen to him? They are going for an appointment/ assessment. How does this work?

[UrbanFool]

My heart is breaking, father going down the road I fear for myself...

My dad had great woodworking talent, owned his own SCUBA shop, and could do just about anything electrically. He died last year, jobless and everything. Although he died of viral pneumonia, I have no doubt it was exacerbated by his heavy drinking.

And, I've lost my job and have gone far enough down the path that it scared the hell out of me.

[Liath]

My heart is breaking, father going down the road I fear for myself...

I am so sorry for your loss. I really understand since I am so close to losing my own father. My dad to has great talent but the auto industry crash and his drinking has ruined him. I hope that this treatment thing goes through otherwise he will most certainly die. His whole side of the family has this issue and I have it too. I am afraid for him, myself, and my family.

If anyone knows what happens when you go to treatment, I'd like to know. He is worried about dying of seizures from withdrawls. God help us.

[UrbanFool]

My heart is breaking, father going down the road I fear for myself...

That is why you go to treatment --so when they detox you, you don't have seizures and all of that. If need be, they give you medications to help control it. What is your dad going for exactly? I didn't go through a detox, but I've been through a 30 day program.

[MF]

My heart is breaking, father going down the road I fear for myself...

Hi Liath,

I had detox; it's the safe way to get the alcohol out of the system. If they do recommend it, your dad will have to stay in for a few days; they'll give him any medication he needs to control any side effects.

Good luck; I'll be thinking of you and your Dad.

[libits]

My heart is breaking, father going down the road I fear for myself...

Liath, I believe we're from the same city based on an earlier email exchange between us.

My ex-husband (we were married at the time) went for a consultation/assessment at a group called New Start. They set a date in the future for him to enter detox. (It was a future date because we had a business and it had to be sold before he could enter treatment.)

On the chosen date I took him to the hospital (Meriter) and we went through the usual check-in process and he was shown to his room. It was at this stage that it all hit home for him. I was willing to stay with him for a bit but he said he wanted to be alone.

Later that day the detoxing started and they gave him plenty of medication to help him be somewhat comfortable. However, at the level he was consuming alcohol per day (1 liter of brandy per day) they could only administrer so much medication and the rest he had to suffer through. The meds did not keep away the DTs but it kept away the seizures. It's ugly.

Two-three days later he was so heavily medicated that he didn't remember me or our kids visiting him. I was going to the spouse part of New Start and part of that program was to make him face the problems his drinking created. On the 2nd-3rd day?? In hindsight, I see what an error this was. They told me to be honest; I was pissed and told him off, using massive amounts of my energy to do so. I found out much later that he didn't remember one thing about that day or that confrontation because he was so heavily medicated. By that time my anger had dissipated and I couldn't remember 1/4 of what I said to him. Dang it....it was good, too.

He entered the hospital on a Monday morning and was finally discharged (from detoxing) the following Saturday morning. His brain was still mush from either the meds or the brandy--I'm not sure which. Instead of calling me to pick him up, his thinking was so heavily clouded he began to walk the 23 mile journey home. As luck would have it, a neighbor saw him barely a mile into his journey and brought him home.

After detox it's rehab so they know how to stay sober. I could go on and on about what it was like watching him try rehab but I don't want to bore anyone. Suffice to say, we're divorced (but good friends).

Detox is tough but it's necessary--not only from a medical point of view but from an emotional one, as well. My ex has not relapsed in 13 years and he always said it's because he never wants to go through detox again.

I hope I didn't scare you or anyone else. I just wanted to give a perfectly candid answer.

WHATEVER HAPPENS DO NOT LET HIM DETOX AT HOME AND/OR ALONE!!!

[Liath]

My heart is breaking, father going down the road I fear for myself...

Ok. Thank you Lilbits. This is a lot to take in. I hope it happens tomorrow because I want him to get it over with. We will talk again I hope.

[dexterhead]

My heart is breaking, father going down the road I fear for myself...

Hi liath, I am so sorry for what you are going through. I'm not sure what I have to offer, only my bro-in-law's story. Two years ago, he had a seizure and subsequently was in the hospital for nearly a month. His liver had almost ceased functioning, and he was given only a 50/50 chance of living. After many, many days of not knowing, he began to come around .. was told that if he ever had another drink, he'd be dead. He lost some motor functions from the seizure, and has to take a ton of meds, but today he is basically healthy. The human body can bounce back from a lot. hope that helps just a bit .. hugs:l:l:l

[dexterhead]

My heart is breaking, father going down the road I fear for myself...

PS: I am in Madison, sounds like you two might be as well?

[libits]

My heart is breaking, father going down the road I fear for myself...

Yes, I'm in a small suburb just a tad south of Madison.

[savon19]

My heart is breaking, father going down the road I fear for myself...

Liath - I've never been thru rehab personally, but it sounds like this is the best thing for your father. I hope he Wants to go... That will make success much more likely.

God bless.

[Tulipe]

My heart is breaking, father going down the road I fear for myself...

My dad was in hospital/rehab for a month earlier this year. He nearly died before he was put in. Once in, he had dt's, severe ones, thinking that bugs were crawling on his feet, and seizures despite the oodles of ativan they were feeding him. He tried to get up and leave, but if he had he would have fallen, so they had to restrain him. He also said the meanest nastiest things to my mom, that he was going to beat her senseless once he got out. He was so mad for losing his access to AL. I mean, really really furious at her for calling the ambulance to save his life. But basically he's an ass anyway, but an ass with a sweet side to everyone but my mom. I bet he's never said thank you to her for saving his life. OOH I'm getting angry writing this.
Now he's better, but only he knows for sure. He is existing, although he could never do something like take out the garbage or clean up the sink. He's just not physically capable, and doesn't seem to have the will to work to make himself stronger. Pathetic, really. Not a good example. But he's not as volatile and is a bit nicer to my mom now.
I wish the best for your dad. Sounds like he has some detoxing to do, and if it's against his will it's likely to be unpleasant. Even with his assent it could be rough. All we can do is be hopeful for them, and try to make them as comfortable as we can, sort of like a disabled child.
(Sorry if I've offended anyone - just writing my own opinions which are colored because I'm talking about my dad).
Take a deep breath and take care of yourself, my dear.