Very bad day

[Ijustrealised]

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[mario]

Very bad day

ijr you have to hang in there,lots of people here have/are going through the same emotions/feelings so you are not alone,Remorse and guilt are two big withdrawal symptoms and triggers.Even though you are sincere now about stopping drinking other people who are close to you might not think you are maybe they seen it all before ?.keep posting and reading here,there are other people just starting out like you,see if you can link up with them,good luck hope you stick around as it is well worth the effort.

[JackieClaire]

Very bad day

Hi Ijr,

Hang in there. You can't undo the past,I'm afraid,but you can now look forward to the future.

Write down what you want to do, what you think you can acheive. Take it One Day at a time.

You logged on here instead of disappearing into the bottom of a bottle,that's great.

Sending you a :l

Don't give up on giving up.

J x

[UrbanFool]

Very bad day

This is where AA can really be a help. You can talk to people face to face who have been there, done that, and been through the legal mess.

I'm not a huge AA evangelist, but honestly --they can help you sort it all out.

[Ijustrealised]

Very bad day

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[mario]

Very bad day

Just Realized;772329 wrote: Thanks Mario, JC and Urban, ok feeling better, read some more posts and realised there is no point trying to get my old life back but should work on sorting out myself now, to do this for myself, not to burden others with my depressing moments, I will try to post happy posts from now on, I am sure the last thing some people want to see is some suicidal message, the scared moment has passed but will return I am certain, I will return to this forum and read more posts when this happens.

I will look into AA this afternoon, thanks Urban.

ijr you can post whatever feeling you like here,thats whats so good about mwo,and you are not burdening anyone,get it out of you,and as far as i have read not many posts here are happy ones,just ordinary people with the same problems trying to deal with it.

[Tulipe]

Very bad day

ijr,
I can feel all the pain in your post. And I totally agree with Jackie that you have done so well to come here instead of turning to AL.
I hope you find people in your area with whom you can talk. Otherwise, please don't feel like you can only post happy thoughts here. We have all been through tough times, and have our scars and beasts to bear. It's ok to be honest here. It's a good thing to talk about how you feel. If you keep it all inside you might be more likely to seek a source of numbness.
Just keep on going.

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Very bad day

Hi, I agree it is scary to read about thoughts like that and in all honesty if you are feeling suicidal you should speak to someone who can help. I know here in Ireland there are help lines available to call, I assume the same is where you are.
Please dont think I am criticising you, I am not and I know the people here will help in any way we can. Many of us have suffered very dark thoughts and felt in the bottom of a very dark hole at times. However if we could see things from a different perspective we would realise that things are seldom as bad as they sometimes seem and that we have people who love and care very much about us. I hope you continue to post here no matter what way you are feeling, I find it helps just knowing that there are people here I can talk to who know exactly what it is like to be in the grip of AL and depression.
Keep safe
KTAB

[greeneyes]

Very bad day

You've gotten good feedback from the kind folks here. I don't have much to add. Try to keep busy with small productive projects that will give you some sense of accomplishment. Treat yourself well, focus on today. :l

[startingover]

Very bad day

Hi there IJR, I feel for you I really do. That feeling of doom is all consuming I know.
The thing is it doesnt last forever, I have recently felt similar and the support I have had and still have from the people here is doing more for me than I could have realised.
The trick is to let people in and allow folk to hold you up when you need it.
I thought I always had to be strong, I dont and I am not and its OK.
Big hugs you will get through this.

[tawnywitch]

Very bad day

just to say coming here and reading and posting really does help, we all ramble on sometimes and that helps too, going to chat usually cheers me up, everyone here has a great sense of humour, quite dark sometimes but still funny, stay strong, love and hugs Tawnywitch

[crown86]

Very bad day

Man did that pain hit home hard. I am only a few weeks out of hell but God I pray I never go back. As far as posting it post away my friend. I know it made me feel a hell of a lot better to get it out in writing. Like Mario said the remorese and guilt of drinking incedences are HUGE triggers. Me, I would get drunk have an incedent with Fiance or a close friend or relative then feel EXTREME guilt and remorse like yourself, then I would proceed to just pummell myself with booze almost like a punishment. It never made anything any better. It never dulled the pain it made it a thousand times worse. When drunk I would get suicidal thoughts and then after the drinking session the depression would linger for days after. Then I would binge again and start the cycle all over again.

No one deserves to feel this hell no matter what you did. Would you do these things sober? I bet not. I know for me I would never do them sober. I acted so out of character when drunk. I recently got to a place in my mind where the cycle has to end. If everyone was sick of my empty promises in regards to alcohol so be it. If things and relationships with people around me are unrepairable so be it. I can't turn back the hands of time as much as I would like to. Plus without all the shit that has happened I am not so sure I would have recogonized I had a problem with alcohol and had to do something about it.

I am sure everyone one of had a better quality of life prior to going off the deep end with booze, I know I did. I kind of look at it like I might not get my old life back but I know without being dead drunk I will get a hell of a lot better quality of life then I have now.

My advice do whatever you have to do to get off the bottle and let things sort themselves out.

Good Luck

[Tulipe]

Very bad day

Crown, thank you for your post. I am happy for you in the progress you have made and the determination you now have.

[Hartley]

Very bad day

IJR

I feel for you, I really do. There are many on here, me included, with the exact same story - plus all sorts other horrific baggage that comes with being an alcoholic. But however bleak it seems, there is hope and it starts with being AF.

What the last two years of being in and out of detox etc. has taught me is that it does get better as you realize that alcohol is the root of all the problems. I've had long periods of sobriety over the years and returned to the bottle for "inexplicable" reasons - except they're totally "explicable." I had not fully embraced and accepted the plain truth that I am an alcoholic and drinking is not an option.

Get yourself to an AA meet - it's not for everyone, but it may well be for you. If it's not, do not despair. There are myriad groups and methods that genuinely understand and want to help, such as on here.

All IMHO, of course.

Take care of yourself and best of luck.

[Ijustrealised]

Very bad day

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