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[startingover]

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Great stuff IJR.

[Doggygirl]

Very bad day

Hi IJR. Just wanted to say hello and join the group in offering you support and encouragement. I agree with all who said "post what you feel!" If we can't be honest with each other here, where CAN we be??? Well, I have found that I can also be honest at AA just like here too. Like others have said, it may or may not be helpful to you, but what do you have to lose?

I really like what Crown had to say. I agree with Crown's bottom line, that we might not be able to get our old lives back, but we don't have to keep living at the bottom of the pit either. (hope I paraphrased that in the spirit of what you said, Crown).

There IS life after booze, and it is so much better than the suicidally depressed life I lived at the end of my drinking days. If I can do it, so can you.

Strength and hope,

DG

[stirly-girly]

Very bad day

Hope you got through the night

Hi again IJR.
Stirly here.
Sounds like your road got some bumpy yesterday. I just now read your new thread. It's just so amazing how much support there is for us new folks here at MWO. Hope you will take the wonderful advice given above and that you can get things back on track. A new life, a sober life, a life that you deserve that includes your child. From what I've read, you've got a tough road ahead of you but one minute at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time, you can do it. JackieClaire suggested the following on another thread...

How about a plan. You could post it here or do it in a note pad.
My alcohol counsellor used to make me write a list of

1. What I like about drinking.
2. What I hated about drinking.

I could fill 2 pages with what I hated about drinking and about 1 line on what I liked.

I think her advice sounds great. I had my little say on the same thread as well and these are my thoughts ...

JC's plan sounds so right. You have to write it down and have it there in your face. And be honest about what you are writing. This is a place where we can hide our faces behind our computer screens but we can also bare our souls to both ourselves and others who have or are going through basically the same process, of not letting AL control our lives.
I personally can think of tens of reasons why I want to stay AF but not one damn reason why I should pick up that cursed bottle again. And you have to remember what you're like when your drinking. Obnoxious?JRude?Verbally abusive? Physically abusive? Behave in front of your kids in a way that you would never do if you were sober? We have all had a few drinks and been a cheerful drunk, but some of us get past that cheeriness and end up being one or all of the above. Hurting our loved ones in ways we never would have done if we had been AF. I'm not saying that you are like that but I'm sure there have been many moments when you have been drinking that you regretted afterwards. (And I won't even mention the moments we don't remember due to blackouts and that others have told us about after all - oh the humiliation!!)
Just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and are among one of your supporters. You can get through this. We all can. We just have to believe it and trust in the hands that are leading us down the AF path.
DoggieGirl and Hartley both suggested AA. Might be good to give it a thought.
Take care. Thinking of you
Stirly
:hug:
P.S. In re-reading this at a later time and after re-reading your starting post, I see that you have already started to make a list as JC suggested. Also, I seem to have come on a little strong about verbal abuse, behavior, etc. I didn't mean to. Mainly I'm just remembering things that I have done under the influence of AL hoping that you will see what I mean and try not to make the same mistake or a different one in the future. All is said for one purpose - to help get you on the AF path so that you can have a healthy, happy life. St...

[jessie]

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IJR, those feelings are so familiar that I have come to fear that I might really just give up one day. I'm going to print out Dr Kirkpatrics 13 steps in Women for Sobriety, but I don't know why you shouldn't also benefit from it. It addresses low self esteem which is often one of the roots of the problem. I know in my case it is.
All the best.

[crown86]

Very bad day

DG

Yep you paraphrased me perfectly. I was at point with drinking where I did not want to see tommrrow. I wanted to die. Lol being the good catholic boy I am suicide was not going to happen. However, I was worried the nights I was in a black-out lord only knows what I might do. One day I looked at this depression and not wanting to live and thought to myself well if your ready to just give up and die what the hell, why not try something different, it really doesn't matter and all you can do is go up from where you are. The proverbial "bottom" I suppose. Sure I would like my old life back prior to booze. The difference I figured out about my old life versus my drinking life was without being a drunk there was no hell..DUH. So based on history, without alcohol dominating my life I know my "new" life will be just as good as the old, mabey just different. Besides life is ever constantly changing and a lot of the circumustances are beyond our control.

DG you are so right. We DON'T have to have to stay in a bottomless pit of depression. I also beleive the old saying, that which doesn't kill us just makes us stronger. Also, how many people can truly say they have been to the "edge" and walked away...LOL not like I ever want to do it again.

[Ijustrealised]

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.

[jessie]

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Good for you:goodjob:

[Wagoneer]

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IJR - such awesome news. You are on the right path. I have come and gone here many time. Embarrsed about it too. This time I need to stay. You are strong and you can do this - WE can do this - for us, and for our KIDS. I wish you all the luck in the world. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Kat

[Pan]

Very bad day

First, stop doing what you were doing that caused all this pain. Then start to forgive yourself, but never forget. The dark, lonely path will begin to widen and get brighter as the days go on. It might be a little dim for a while, but it will get brighter.

You might have done some loser type things. Doesn't mean you are one. Learn from what you've done and move on. If you improve yourself your wife will see the difference.

[Pan]

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Sorry, I posted without reading the whole post. You sound great! I'm so happy for you.

[Ijustrealised]

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[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

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Glad to hear you are doing so well IJR, well done, keep up the good work.