I can't do this...

[Guest]

I'm sorry that every thread I start is negative...I hope someday that won't be the case. I feeling like I'm having a minor breakdown...crying all the time...lashing out at my husband..I want nothing to do with the holidays...my house is a disaster...I just want to take some sleeping pills and go to bed...it's not even 5 o'clock. I took an antabuse pill on Thursday and am hating myself for doing that...tring to find out how soon I can drink again. :upset:

[startingover]

I can't do this...

Hi there Schaefer, please dont worry about asking for help, we all have to do that sometimes.
Coping with an addiction is huge, it is probably one of the hardest things you will ever do.
Its natural to want to resist the discomfort that goes with it.
Are you trying to do too much all at once?
Deep breaths Schaefer...

[Popeye]

I can't do this...

There is nothing negative about trying to improve yourself Schaefer.
What is negative is the belief that you can't.
You can..and you will...
Don't stop trying.
:l

[irish eyes]

I can't do this...

Schaefer, you are giving up your best friend (or what u regard as such), only natural to cry and be angry, there is a better way of living and you have just begun. Be patient and gentle with yourself.:l

[tiptronic_ct]

I can't do this...

Schaefer,

I can't add much to what the others have said, but you'll be in my thoughts. This is a very personal hell we have to emerge from.

[greeneyes]

I can't do this...

Yes it is a personal hell. I too have felt that anger that turned to bitter tears. To leave it behind for the peace and joy that is on the other side is worth the fight. You can get through it!

[Lavande]

I can't do this...

Please hang in there Schaefer! Yes, you can do this - it's very hard but you can do it. Just don't give up. Take care of yourself tonight. Listen to the Clearing CD, it's very helpful!

[mel09]

I can't do this...

If you feel like crying or venting it here, that can be a good way of releasing it. I know in the beginning, it can all seem unmanageable and like a big mountain to climb. Remember the 'one day at a time', it may seem overused but can take some of the stress out. Sometimes it may be one hour at a time, or the next few minutes. It's an adjustment. Take care of yourself the best that you can, take deep breaths, the important thing is that you keep the goal and don't give up.

[startingover]

I can't do this...

How are you feeling today Schaefer?

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

I can't do this...

Wow Schaefer you have a lot of people here who care about you, may I add my name to that list. Dont worry about posting negative thoughts, that is when we need support the most and we have all been there.
You can do this.

[mario]

I can't do this...

hi schaefer, this is the place to get it all out,we all have been there ,you are not alone,we are all here for you.

[savon19]

I can't do this...

Schaefer - I'm sorry you're going through such a hard time.

Too bad there's not some sort of "fast forward" button we could push to get us past the first few days AF...

But if you could hold your breath, stand on your head, whatever it takes - to just be AF for a few days, I really believe you would start feeling better emotionally.

I was in pretty dark funk during my last drinking session(s)... until I somehow got through the first few days not drinking. It was almost magical how the black cloud lifted.

I really began to think before that that I was becoming Clinically depressed - but I now see that it was alcohol-induced.

I am hanging on to this reality as long as I can!! I know I can't say I'll Never drink again... but feeling that depression is SO not worth it.

[lilmea]

I can't do this...

Yes it is a personal hell. I too have felt that anger that turned to bitter tears. To leave it behind for the peace and joy that is on the other side is worth the fight. You can get through it!

Schaefer-We have all been where you are right now. Hang in there, you can get through this. And it really is so worth it.

[Doggygirl]

I can't do this...

Hi Shaefer. Just want to add in more words of support and understanding for the hell you are going through right now. Alcohol was like a ball and chain for me in the end - I couldn't live with it and I felt like I couldn't live without it. The pain and misery of letting go of alcohol was worth it! Fight hard to get to the other side, then you never have to look back unless you want to.

Strength and hope to you,

DG

[stirly-girly]

I can't do this...

Hi Schaef. Stirly again.
I have copied these words from a couple of your recent posts.
I hate all these thoughts in my head...that it is stupid to try to quit the week before Christmas...that maybe I should just avoid everyone over the holidays because my whole family drinks. But I also tell myself that it will be so much better for everyone if I don't drink again. And at another point you say I'm having a very hard time thinking I can get through the holidays without drinking...but no doubt if I do drink I will hurt those I love and not remember most of it.
I know you're going through a really rough time right now trying to be AF and it is especially difficult to do during the holiday season when everyone is partying and drinking. And all that holiday cheer is probably making you feel even more miserable. If you can manage to stay AF for a few days, believe me you will start to feel better at some point. You just have to try to get through the first few days. (by the way, I read somewhere that you shouldn't drink for two weeks after taking Antabuse and that the effects of drinking can be horrendous) Try to keep focused on thoughts like the ones you voiced earlier. That your holiday season will be better if you don't drink. I know it's very difficult for you right now but you yourself said, and you know it's true, that it is much better for you to fight against drinking no matter how hard it is, than to give in and ruin these festive days for yourself and your family. You can do it. You have it in you. I remember you told me that you had been AF for 7 days in November. You did it then, you can do it again. Please try. For yourself. You deserve a better life. Make this holiday season one that you will be happy to remember rather than one you wish you could forget.
Stirly