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    #1

    Needing Hugs

    Hey Friends,
    I haven't been on the boards for a little while. I'm very down today. My husband and I are not getting along, and it's extra painful on Christmas Eve. I'm anxious because my mother's coming to visit, and she has a way of criticizing me and my family that I dread. She will bring wine. I don't want to drink to excess tonight, and I know I'm in a place where it will be tempting.

    All I really want is for my three little boys to have a wonderful Christmas, and to find some joy in it myself. My husband's cold and distant stance is breaking my heart, and I don't know how to get through to him. I could really use your good wishes and kindness.

    Best to all,
    Sara
    "When she enjoyed her drinking she couldn't control it, and when she controlled it, she couldn't enjoy it." (from The Big Book)
    Tags: None
    #2
    Needing Hugs

    Oh Sara,

    I don't really know what to say,but here's a :l from across the pond.

    J x
    It could be worse, I could be filing.
    AF since 7/7/2009

    Comment

      #3
      Needing Hugs

      :l hi sarahsmiles sending you biggest Irish hugs i have :l:l:l:l


      :congratulatory: Clean & Sober since 13/01/2009 :congratulatory:

      Until one is committed there is always hesitant thoughts.
      I know enough to know that I don't know enough.

      This signature has been typed in front of a live studio audience.

      Comment

        #4
        Needing Hugs

        Dear Sara,
        I'm so sorry you are feeling this way today. I can sure relate. Last year, hubby and I got into a huge fight the night before Christmas Eve and pretty much ruined everything for me. He was drunk so he just went to bed and went to sleep right away, but I was awake all night crying. Funny though, I don't even remember what the fight was about. I was on edge last night, I guess because I didn't want something like that to happen again--which it didn't thank God.
        My best advice is to do something nice for yourself today. Take a few minutes if that's all you can spare and do some aromatherapy, a bath, a walk, some meditation, read.....and try to focus on your children after that. Let your mom's comments roll off your back like water off a duck. Talk to hubby if you can and ask if couldn't you put your differences aside for Christmas for the kid's sake? They deserve happy memories. If you can't talk to him, then join in their fun and if he won't join in that's HIS problem!
        I'll say some prayers for you. Another thought is to get everyone involved in doing something nice for someone that is underprivaleged. Sometimes it helps to get out of ourselves once in awhile. Also a good old fashioned Christmas eve service to remind us what Christmas is really about never hurts.
        Hang in there girlfriend, the wine won't really help you. :l
        _______________
        NF since June 1, 2008
        AF since September 28, 2008
        DrunkFree since June 1, 2008
        _____________
        :wings: In memory of MDbiker aka Bear.
        5/4/2010 In loving memory of MaryAnne. I pray you've found peace my friend.
        _______________
        The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.ray:

        Comment

          #5
          Needing Hugs

          Dear Sara,

          My heart goes out to you love, it is indeed difficult to be happy and jolly in an atmosphere like that...

          The only thing I can say to you is IGNORE his Bah Humbug face and concentrate on yourself and your children, once you stop trying to change your husband you will find time in your heart and your head to look after yourself and the little ones...

          Leave him to stew....if he wants to be like that..it's his choice...but you have the choice to either let him pull you down with him or to look to your kids and see thats where Christmas is.......you are a wonderful Mum and I know you will get through this time with a smile on your face and love in your heart, because thats what us Mum's do. Chin up Darlin....build some special memories for the boys because God Knows, we won't get this time back.


          Cheer up Sarasmiles,
          For Christmas is today,
          Your little boys are waiting,
          To see what Santa brings their way,
          You have something precious,
          That money just can't buy,
          Those eager little faces,
          Looking for Santa in the sky!
          And so I'm sending you Christmas Cheer,
          From across the miles,
          If anyone deserves the best today,
          It is Sarasmiles!!


          Marry Christmas honey......have a wonderful day with the little ones and don't listen to yer Mammy....you are the best Mom in the world!

          Love,

          Oney xx
          "It's not your job to like me, it's mine!"

          AF 10th May 2010
          NF 12th May 2010

          Comment

            #6
            Needing Hugs

            Here you go Sara :l:l:l:l
            I really hope things go better than you anticipate.
            Living now and not just existing since 9th July 2008
            Nicotine Free since 6th February 2009

            Comment

              #7
              Needing Hugs

              hey sara, oney sums it all up, wish i had a way with words like that but i don't, so all i can do is send you a BIG, BIG hug
              xx draggy
              life is simple its just not easy

              Comment

                #8
                Needing Hugs

                Sara.
                I, too am so sorry that you have to put up with such worries at Christmas. I had a similar situation last Christmas but was lucky in that Hubs went to visit relatives for a week at Christmas and left us to our peace.
                I can't add much to the wise comments above except to say this... your children are the most important thing. Give as much attention as you can to them and as little as you can to Scrooge-hubby and Scrooge-mother. And pamper yourself with a little treat if you can, even if it's just a nice bubble bath with some candles burning. Ignore hubby and he'll probably come around a bit. As for your mother, let what she says go in one ear and out the other. Make this Christmas as special as you can for you and your kids. And if you can, don't drink at all. Then no one will have yet another thing to fault you for. Hit the fizzy water, herbal tea, whatever it takes. I like to make my own "Champagne" for Christmas dinner. I mix soda water with a fizzy lemon drink and I drink it out of one of my Grandmother's antique wine glasses. No one gets to drink out of them but me. And no one gets to drink my "Champagne" except me.
                A big, big hug from me too, and I hope you can manage to enjoy your Christmas with your children, and let the others wallow in their own misery...
                Stirly
                :huggy:huggy:huggy
                For every 60 seconds that you are angry, you lose a minute of happiness.
                AF since 10/10/2015:yay:

                Comment

                  #9
                  Needing Hugs

                  Hi Sara - I don't know what's going on with your husband, but I'd bet you getting drunk won't help anything!!

                  As for your mother... if she criticizes, DON'T BITE!! Just smile, say nothing (if you can) and turn your attention to your kids - or excuse yourself to the bathroom where you can let her have "what for" in Private! Who knows, maybe she'll be in the Spirit!

                  Hope it turns out to be a Merry Christmas for you!

                  And here's another hug: :l
                  Sometimes you have to take the leap and build your wings on the way down... Anais Nin

                  Comment

                    #10
                    Needing Hugs

                    Thank you, Thank you, Thank you All !!! I'm so grateful for the words of encouragement and sage advice. Just what I needed.
                    xo
                    Sara
                    "When she enjoyed her drinking she couldn't control it, and when she controlled it, she couldn't enjoy it." (from The Big Book)

                    Comment

                      #11
                      Needing Hugs

                      Hi Sara

                      Big hugs to you for Christmas. We always had huge arguments in our family on Christmas, I guess that's what happens when you stick loved ones together and fill them up with alcohol.

                      Please don't let the pressure get to you and get drunk, you know that only makes matters worse.

                      Take care
                      Love Zeppie
                      It's time I put my big girl pants on. :grannypants: I hope they fit.

                      Comment

                        #12
                        Needing Hugs

                        Sending you some :l:l:l:l:l:l Sara. This too shall pass...

                        DG
                        Sobriety Date = 5/22/08
                        Nicotine Free Date = 2/27/07

                        One day at a time.

                        Comment

                          #13
                          Needing Hugs

                          Here is a :l from me to you.
                          I quit drinking on March 8, 2020. Taking it One Day At A Time and no more taking my quit for granted.

                          Also doing it for me. I got to stay sober for me.

                          Just consecrate on today and do what you can to remain sober for today and worry about staying sober tomorrow, tomorrow.

                          Comment

                            #14
                            Needing Hugs

                            Thanks again, everyone. My evening improved...Focused on the kids, made a wonderful dinner, gave Hubby hugs he ultimately warmed to. I had two glasses of wine and stopped. Now the stockings are full, the presents are under the tree, and three little boys are nestled safely in their beds, a sober mom having tucked them in. Tomorrow I will wake without a hangover, and cherish my Christmas morning.

                            It helped so much to come here today, and I want to find my way back here again.

                            Happy Christmas to all and to all a good night.
                            "When she enjoyed her drinking she couldn't control it, and when she controlled it, she couldn't enjoy it." (from The Big Book)

                            Comment

                              #15
                              Needing Hugs

                              _______________
                              NF since June 1, 2008
                              AF since September 28, 2008
                              DrunkFree since June 1, 2008
                              _____________
                              :wings: In memory of MDbiker aka Bear.
                              5/4/2010 In loving memory of MaryAnne. I pray you've found peace my friend.
                              _______________
                              The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will not protect you.ray:

                              Comment

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