help 16 yr old and pot

[akgirl]

help 16 yr old and pot

crown86;794355 wrote: I remember when I was your son's age my mother caught me with a nickle bag..LOL I am 42 now..nickle bag for those who remember 1 finger across a baggy for $5.00 of columbian gold..LOL

My mother had a friend who was a policeman unknown to me. Boy did that visit scare the crap out of me. He came over the house and was telling me he was going to have my bag tested and I was going to jail etc..never took me anywhere or anything just threatened and lectured me. I can honestly say I didn't smoke pot again till after college.

Even smoking pot after college it was very rare...it's fun and all but if I smoke more than 3 times a year..thats a lot.

Good Luck

I think that was a great tactic.....scared straight!

[hippie37]

help 16 yr old and pot

There are many different varieties of pot on the market these days and some I consider personally to be quite harmful. The likes of the super skunks are genetically modified to produce higher THC content and so get you more 'stoned'. These can lead to psychosis, paranoia and depression. What dealers tend to do to gain more profit is to crush glass into the buds so under a microscope it looks like THC crystals. They do this to add weight to the buds to gain more profit. I'm not saying all dealers do this as a lot of people who smoke and sell dope are 'connoisseurs' themselves. But more often these days profit takes precedence over quality with most. This is why I believe cannabis should be de-criminalized as it is in Holland (Amsterdam). You know exactly what it is you're buying and what kind of high you can expect from the different varieties.

Don't allow yourself to over-compensate for your fears for your son because of feeling guilty through your own problems with alcohol though. I can so relate to what you're saying because I've been working through these issues quite recently myself around my own daughter. She is not at an age yet where she will understand as she is only 5. Yet, I still wanted to carry the guilt of being a bad father due to my own drinking and drug use. The past is the past and I can't change what I have done. I can only accept the past as it is and make every day count today that I am sober and being a good father.

Whatever your fears are around this you will intuitively know what is best for you and your son if you remain calm and sober. It's certainly not for me to give you advice on this but I know if it was my daughter I would be more concerned with the behavioural problems as your husband was with your son than the actual events. I have to understand that my daughter is her own person in her own right. I cannot change how she views the world or how she feels in the world. God only knows I would love to make everything perfect for her but I can't. As a parent though it IS down to me to set boundaries for her (which of course she is always going to want to test). That I have found difficult in the past because of the guilt I felt. Small changes though are benefiting us both.

p.s. And YES of course I worry too that she may turn out like me!! I think anyone of us who have kids may admit to that one! I think it's normal to feel this way about our children.

Sending you lots of love and energy.
Phil the dope-less hippie!
xx

[jessie]

help 16 yr old and pot

My son also experimented and actually grew a plant in my back yard without me knowing it because I've never seen it in my life. A friend brought it to my attention. Lol. Now he's almost 22 and have grown out of it. Don't make to big a fuss.

[Guest]

help 16 yr old and pot

Hope this link helps ...there is a scary link being voiced by experts at the moment about long term dope smoking and the adult onset of shitzopherenia.Very scary stuff a close friend of mine has just gone completley off the rails ...the TV is sending him messages of doom and stuff? I smoked silos of dope up untill I was about 26 I had a sales job a quick strong hash bong for breakfast a couple of drops of clear eyes and off to work for a well respected major retailer I have sold so manny fridges, microwaves completley stoned but alchohol came along and completley wrecked me!!!!!! Im not saying dope is ok I have a 8 year old I worry too...but I am more concerned about the new powerful party drugs that are around at the moment GBH MDA and ICE ...these things were not around in my experimental teenage years...I worry for my little girl if its pot ok but how do you stop a Teenager from experimenting with crap like this????

Your Kid is Smoking Pot What Every Parent Needs to Know Now

[Gold]

help 16 yr old and pot

Hi Looking for Peace,

Happy 16th birthday to your son! Teenagers are not the easiest are they, and 16 is a difficult age grown up but not grown up, able to do certain things and not others.

looking for peace;794283 wrote: I feel like a hypocrite because other than the age and the legality, I feel I'm doing the same thing. Drinking alone, trying to fit in, trying to escape. I'm just very worried. I didn't drink at all last night, even though that info would send me straight for a drink. It scared me so much, I don't want to tell him one thing and myself do another.

It sounds as though he may be mirroring back to you his worries and concerns over your drinking, and you are seeing this. From my experience with my youngest daughter who is 17 now, although they can seem not to care there can be deep worry and concern about us. Perhaps at some level he wanted you to find the evidence, it can't have been too difficult for him to have hidden it.

My experience has been with both of my daughter's that focusing too intently on an issue tends to make it worse, of course have your say objectively and fairly without guilt. Be the example to him that you want him to have.

Best wishes to you.

[looking for peace]

help 16 yr old and pot

Thanks for all of your input... It seems to run the gamut, just like all of the websites I've googled. Anywhere from don't worry about it too much to you better worry alot. Same with a couple of friends I asked. I know my son feels bad, he's been grounded this weekend and seems to only want to regain trust. My husband took his money away and will only give him enough to pay for what he's doing that night (so he doesn't have extra cash to buy pot) We told him that trust is earned and actions speak louder than words. Thankfully, I am keeping myself in check.

I have been playing telephone tag with the therapist and won't be able to speak with him until Monday, I will let you all know what his advice is.

Thanks again for all of the input

[savon19]

help 16 yr old and pot

I glanced at other replies, and it was interesting that no one mentioned the effect on Lungs. Certainly can't be good... (And yes, I've tried it in college days!)

I guess that jumped into my mind due to me quitting smoking - which is Legal, but not so good for you...!

Looks like you got everything in control, and good luck!

[MauMcL]

help 16 yr old and pot

looking for peace: i have to say that we've been through this with our oldest son who got illegally searched & seized in college for marijuana by the chicago cops. it was one of the most terrifying experiences of his life. the cops were unduly forceful with him. he asked them one time where they were taking him and they told him, "shut the fuck up if you know what is good for you..."

horrible. i am so glad our son has "outgrown" smoking. he was just not being "smart" about it and it is against the law! i do not think there is room to be cool about this one, i'm sorry. yes, my husband and i smoked growing up. but it was the 70s, jesus, everybody was getting stoned. you could practically walk down the street and smoke w/o getting arrested!

it is a whole different world now particularly in the USA. it is a lot stronger than it used to be, i agree. supposedly 7 times as strong. i tried it to see and i can tell you it is! i can see where it would be very useful for chemo patients as all i wanted to do was eat everything in sight and then sleep! LOL.

our middle son has also experimented. i search everything...i told them they lost my trust and i believe it is my duty to make sure they are not "using" anything stronger than marijuana. we have told them we have a zero tolerance policy for marijuana. it hasn't been perfect, but it has helped. there was a consequence all the times they have broken that rule. i hate to sound like a giant prude, but yes, you HAVE TO EMBODY THE CHANGE YOU WANT TO SEE in your son.

this particular issue caused tremendous strife between my husband and me since i am more apt to be the strict one while he prefers to be "cool Dad." let me tell you, cool Dad gets you NOWHERE. you can order kits to test for marijuana...urine samples. i used them. i really felt strongly that in each case i had to. when our oldest was first "using" he was 16 and his brother was only 13, and now our middle one is 18 but our daughter is 15. each time i felt it was critical that we not be setting the example that it is tolerated in our home. you can be arrested for "allowing" it. my state laws are extremely strict -- if something happens the parents are "liable" whether or not the "allowed" it, if they are "asleep" or "away." if something bad happens in YOUR home, you are liable.

i'm the biggest hippie on the planet, and i wish it was different but it isn't! what i told my oldest who is now 21 and seems to have outgrown it is that if he reaches 21 and just cannot IMAGINE a happy life w/o it, then he needs to move somewhere where it is decriminalized such as denver.

sorry if this was preachy....ugh. the teen years have been really tough my way and I'd say our kids have been reasonably "easy." it is true, they supposedly all do it. I responded to that by saying, "I don't give a crap if they all do it: you are not allowed to." "it's for your own good." "you will thank us later." etc etc etc.

good luck i feel for you.

i am sure that i'll be facing this with our daughter too at some point and have to go through the devastation for a third time!!

[Doggygirl]

help 16 yr old and pot

I have no experience as a parent so cannot comment at all about that part of it. However, I will weigh in on the "is pot a big deal or not" debate.

My husband started smoking pot as a teen and while he could care less about alcohol, he developed a huge problem with pot. His sobriety date is the same as mine, and I am very grateful that he is free of his demon as I am free of mine.

Just like alcohol where some can drink it occassionally without problems and others DO develop problems, so goes pot.

Best wishes with your son. I don't envy the parents on the board when it comes to these types of challenges.

DG

[Raven.joy]

help 16 yr old and pot

Me and mrs joy have 5 of varying ages. Our youngest is 10 and our oldest 21 only the younger 3 live at home now. Recently I began pot again after a break of many years. because I eat in not smoke it and life is good. I function and don't have the problems I had with alcohol. It has aided my recovery immensely. My 20 year old son smokes pot and I don't mind. He is at university doing very well, has a part time job and does tai chi twice a week. He doesn't drink, is very motivated and has always been the easiest of our kids to deal with.
Our 17 year old daughter went through a short phase of smoking pot and stopped for herself because she didn't really like it. Now she has begun drinking and argues with her mum a lot and is the most difficult of the brood. Our 21 year old has always been anti smoking anything.
I believe the law misguided/short sighted where pot is concerned.

[sunshine_gg]

help 16 yr old and pot

While smoking pot 'socially' may not be a big deal, it sure was a big deal in my life. My 15 year old started smoking pot anything but socially, got himself into debt, into trouble with the law, stole money from me and whatever he could find around the house, was ill-tempered and hell to live with.

He got himself physically attacked last year and we moved. I offered him a fresh start. So did Mr. Wonderful. He doesn't smoke pot regularly anymore, but he is now borrowing money for booze (weekends, parties, etc.) And stealing money from me again. Has been threatened to get expelled from school. He is now 17.

After he gets home today, I will sit him down and ground him. He will not go to his g/f, attend parties or the likes. His computer will be gone until further notice. And, if he tells me again, that he is just going to leave and there's nothing I can do about it, I will send the police after him. He IS still a minor and I AM still responsible for HIS actions.

I wish that I had taken a MUCH harder stand 2 years ago. Btw, I had the same idea as someone's mom - I asked Mr. Wonderful to make some phone calls to some local cops - get one of them to drop by the house and have a chat with the lad. Make it clear that all of this is NO laughing matter and what the consequences will be if he really wants to play hard ball.

So... I guess my take on this is - PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN NOW.

[Raven.joy]

help 16 yr old and pot

It is clear that different people react differently to whatever substance alcohol,pot or other.
Reading sunshines post makes reconsider some of my previous post. For me and my family alcohol was the baddie. I guess for others booze may not be an issue and pot might I do not wish to advise anyone to do pot just because it works for me. It could spell disaster for others and I am certainly not qualified to offer such advice!