what is left?

[Fresh Hope]

all of my family has abandoned me in some way?. I am the parent that did it all? gave it all and when I decided to leave my spouse there seems to be nothing that my family wants to help me with ....oh yeah I am the good parent...all would agree even the x-spouse? nobody could do more try harder than me and I find myself with no support from my young adult children?I don?t mean financial, just 1 day a week, a few phone calls? I have been financially very generous and fixed their troubles oh I could go on?my friends can?t understand the children?s behavior and me either?this is such a rant? but after 39 years of marriage to finally leave my alcoholic spouse, pay gazillions to get my youngest through rehab]b and finally be in a space where I can can live small and look forward to relationships with my children?they are bailing and I can?t understand why,
?
why I am even writing this here. I am a moderate that has always wanted to be an abstainer?I have been here for a long time and now I am alone? thrown away really discounted?since the divorce I have ? of the financial assets I had and I am beginning to believe that my importance was my financial assets. I am drinking 2x my normal and it is just from boredom?what don?t I get?how does anyone end up here? Just from being a pretty good parent?
And how do I move on and stop the AL?

Help I know how pathetic this sounds but this is where I am and I have a real need to understand my next steps..Thanks

[Gold]

what is left?

It's not pathetic at all. It sounds as though after years of putting others before yourself you have taken steps to change things. Many people prefer the status quo to change no matter what the conditions, and when change occurs it is threatening. Perhaps your children are feeling this, and that is why they behave as they do. Presumably your children are adults after 39 years of marriage and as such are responsible for their own behaviour.

It is time for you to create your life as you wish it to be, your children will get used to the new way of things and then it is up to them how they respond. You deserve to live a happy and fulfilled life no matter the financial circumstances or the opinions of anyone else.

I think there are many reasons people "end up here" but the important thing is that you are here, posting, and have a resolve to banish AL from your life.

Look at your signature, what a wonderful freedom that represents, try to live in each moment you have that opportunity. Get to understand who you are what you love to do and do that in your freedom.

Keep talking, it is not pathetic and will help you to find a way through all of this.

[flowerpower]

what is left?

boredom, a cover or not

you just said you are drinking 2x the normal amount over boredom. Bang, had some deep thoughts this morning and one of them was how I got to my to much drinking point. I always said in my mind it was "because of boredom" My revelation; no its not out of boredom, I am using boredom as an excuss to drink. BEWARE my friend. The reason I was drinking so much was to avoid facing deeper issues. Avoidance must be my trait or something. Beer was a way to bandaid my pain. What the pain issues are, I'm still looking at. stay tuned. :l I also am bored, but I'm no longer going to rely on my nights at the pub to un bore me. Sounds like you have some resources so what do you like to do? If I could, I would take an art class or something,.Find something , just one little thing to get you unbored. start with one.

[Doggygirl]

what is left?

Fresh Hope, it must be difficult to face such big changes in life. I used to feel very frustrated while I waited for others around me to make me feel happy and worthwhile. For me, that was my husband. For you, it sounds like you are waiting for your children to behave a certain way towards you, thinking that will make you happy.

What I finally figured out was that I was drinking my life away while waiting for something completely outside of my control to happen. (my husband behaving any particular way) The truth is, no matter what he did - HE cannot make me happy. I have to find my happiness and peace within myself. Alcohol did not help me one little bit with this discovery process. It completely hindered any chance I had to discover a life of fulfillment for myself. (and I am still with my husband, but that alone does not fulfill me. I have to find my own sense of peace and fulfillment!)

I agree with flowerpower about alcohol and boredom. For the last few years of my long drinking career, all I wanted to do was drink, and I thought boredom was part of the "cause." What I recently realized after getting some sober time under my belt is that alcohol CAUSED my boredom. Once the drinking began for the day, my life was limited. There is so much I wouldn't or couldn't do once I was under the influence. Driving was limited, social interaction was limited to only other people who were under the influence, etc.

Now that AL is out of my life and I've given myself some time to work on "me," the world is opening up again with many possibilities. My family relationships have improved as well - naturally. There is mutual respect now. Before, there was a lot of "obligation" but no real respect on my part or anyone else's part.

I just don't think AL helps our perspective on anything. It's hard to quit but worth the effort. I hope you find your way.

DG

[jessie]

what is left?

:welcome:Welcome Fresh Hope, your signature says a lot. There is hope out there. It's sad about your children - but give time and they will probably return. Mine are also young adults and very busy with their own lives.
All the best.