I'm desperate!

[Virgil]

Hello,

I'd hoped it would never come to this but I am desperate and don't know how to drag myself out of the mess that I find myself in. Some of you will know that I have obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) and generalized anxiety disorder (GAD). I am a perfectionist by nature (!) but, if I make mistakes in this posting, I hope you'll understand why. I was first diagnosed as having OCD a depressing 35 years ago. My anxiety disorders led me to alcohol as a form of self-medication.

It's difficult to know where to start. But, I'll have a go. I am currently under the supervision of an alcohol addiction psychiatrist (for the baclofen), another psychiatrist (specifically for my anxiety disorders) and I have had cause to repeatedly contact the UK Crisis Team - all of whom have written to my GP explaining my current plight. Last night, my wife contacted the Crisis Team and explained that, despite all these letters, my GP had never once been in touch with me. Perhaps, not surprisingly, it transpires that 'the ball's in my court'. I suppose I was foolishly expecting too much of our NHS (see below). I have made an appointment to see a GP next Monday.

I tried The Sinclair Method (TSM) for 38 weeks last year but derived no benefit whatsoever. So, I decided to give baclofen a try. I'm currently taking a slightly higher dosage than what my alcohol addiction psychiatrist is happy to prescribe (for exact figure, please PM me - if you're interested) but it hasn't made any difference, as yet, to my anxiety or alcohol consumption (in that order). Based on my weight, I hope to hit the 'switch' within the next couple of months.

I should also add that I am seeing a psychotherapist and an alcohol addiction counsellor, both of whom are in no doubts about my desperate state. When I see them again, I will check if they have contacted my GP.

So, I guess this post is a cri de coeur. I'm looking for support, encouragement and suggestions.

Thanks for listening.

V.

Footnote: NHS is officially the UK's National Health Service but I prefer to think of it as 'No Hope, Sorry'.

[Seacailin]

I'm desperate!

Hi Virgil,
I am glad that u are here. I am sorry about your troubles. It sounds like you have a decent support team. I also used alcohol as a form of self medication for GAD. As I am sure you know: It does not work!! My anxiety would increase ten-fold and I would have to keep drinking to quell it. It was a vicious cycle. I now take Celexa, which seems to help. I also use prayer, relaxation breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and visualization. All are helpful, especially the relaxation breathing. I have recently come across a book that is also very helpful. It is called "The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook". I got it at Barnes and Noble. Keep on posting and asking for help. I hope that I have been of some help, however minute.:l

[Virgil]

I'm desperate!

Seacailin;810821 wrote: Hi Virgil,
I am glad that u are here. I am sorry about your troubles. It sounds like you have a decent support team. I also used alcohol as a form of self medication for GAD. As I am sure you know: It does not work!! My anxiety would increase ten-fold and I would have to keep drinking to quell it. It was a vicious cycle. I now take Celexa, which seems to help. I also use prayer, relaxation breathing, progressive muscle relaxation, and visualization. All are helpful, especially the relaxation breathing. I have recently come across a book that is also very helpful. It is called "The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook". I got it at Barnes and Noble. Keep on posting and asking for help. I hope that I have been of some help, however minute.:l

Hello Seacailin,

Thanks for your speedy reply.

Long-term, I agree that alcohol is no cure for anxiety disorders. But, unfortunately, I've had no joy with the SSRIs and I've tried five different types over the years. I know that SSRIs are often said not to work effectively in the presence of alcohol but my (anxiety disorder) psychiatrist told me very recently that alcohol can actually increase the effects of SSRIs in some people. Having said all that, I have not tried Celexa. I don't think any of my psychiatrists (seven to date) have suggested it. No idea why.

I also use prayer, relaxation breathing and I'm just getting to grips with mindfulness. The trouble is that I'm running out of steam as my problems have been going on for far too long.

Once again, I thank you for taking the time to reply. It is greatly appreciated.

V.

[AMELIA]

I'm desperate!

Hi Virgil,
I'm sorry you are feeling desperate.
I decided a while ago to go private instead of dealing with the NHS. I think they do get things right sometimes, but patient numbers are so high and the allocated time per patient, so small, I cut my losses and went private. (expensive as it is!).
Glad to hear you have an appointment next Monday. Maybe Celexa, as Sea mentioned may be the right thing for you.
I am sorry I can not be much help in alleviating your current distress, but I understand what it is like to be feel anxious and uneasy with oneself.
I also take Baclofen. I have taken it while still drinking (it didn't seem to do much for me), and I have stopped taking it and re-started while AF. It works better for me when I am AF.

I hope the next few days go a smoothly as possible for you. Monday is only 5 days away now. I hope your appointment goes well. Keep close to the boards and ask for more support if you need it.

[eight days a week]

I'm desperate!

Dear V,

What a coincidence, I was just about to write to you privately about some other matters when I saw your thread. My friend, I am so sorry that things seem to have come to a head again.

Don't get me started on the NHS! I've been a victim once again of their absolute incompetence in certain spheres since last Friday, and had a very frustrating first meeting regarding a possible inpatient detox just yesterday. I am thinking of complaining at a later date on both counts.

Two things I have learned from experience. Firstly, that there are real gems in the NHS system, however deeply they may be buried. Keep searching and I'm sure you will find one! I have met a number over the years who blew me away compared to the usual dross. Secondly, although by any logic your GP has been negligent in not contacting you (indeed, maybe even professionally so by the sounds of it) I've learnt the hard way that you have to chase almost everything up yourself, and often not just once but even twice or more! Unfortunately, we have to make such nuisances of ourselves sometimes that they are unable to ignore us and are forced to act!

May I ask what the Crisis Team actually do? Just talk to you, and then tell your GP (who does nothing) that they've seen you?

I understand your great frustration that the anxiety has been going on for so long. In my case it has only been for the last six years, with panic attacks for five, and full-blown GAD for perhaps a year and a half. When I am anxious or panicky now though, it's as much the memory of all the attacks in the past as what I experience at the time that make things so bad. I don't know about you, but I need to let go of all this past baggage in order to be free of it in the future, it's the only possible release from GAD for me, I think. The trick, of course, is knowing how to do that, and being patient in the meantime (because there is surely no quick fix) - but of course that is easier said than done in times of panic and anxiety!!!

Have you tried hypnotherapy? I met a friend from Oz who had extreme anxiety which was helped tremendously by that. I may try it myself when I can consistently leave the house to make appointments! And I had a fascinating reminder about the power of acupuncture the other day in an email from a friend. It reminded me of other energy therapies that I keep meaning to try like Reiki, and the EFT that once seemed to help me (and the Tai Chi, that definitely did!) and which I mean to get back to.

Hang on in there V, deeply unpleasant as it is right now, you know this will pass! And then surely you can continue to explore different techniques and therapies. I truly believe there is something and someone out there who will help you to fix all this, just as there is for me.

Wishing you all the very best, and some much-deserved relief as soon as possible

eight

[mama bear]

I'm desperate!

I take Effexor for depression and Klonopin as needed for anxiety....works wonders...now ijust have to kill the AL Beast!!!!

[Virgil]

I'm desperate!

eight days a week;810867 wrote: May I ask what the Crisis Team actually do? Just talk to you, and then tell your GP (who does nothing) that they've seen you?

I understand your great frustration that the anxiety has been going on for so long.

Have you tried hypnotherapy?

Hang on in there V, deeply unpleasant as it is right now, you know this will pass!

My good friend 8,

Taking each of the above points, in turn:

You've summarised exactly what the Crisis Team does. I have nothing to add.

Yes, it's all been going on for far too long and I often feel beyond repair. For the last 35 years, I have been in therapy pretty much without a break and/or seeing a psychiatrist. I have little to show for it - apart from being several thousand pounds worse off! Academically, I have been successful. But, in so many respects, I feel a complete failure.

I once tried hypnotherapy but it had to be brought to an abrupt end as I moved from the area where I was living at the time.

Unfortunately, I don't know that it will pass. My anxiety has steadily got worse over the years. I need a miracle.

V.

[Gold]

I'm desperate!

Hello Virgil,

I'm sorry to hear about your difficulties, I know how dispiriting it is to try many things in the hope of resolution. For many years I experienced a great deal of anxiety and self-judgement, the thing which changed that for me after many books, counselling and so on was something called Holosync, I read of it in a book and decided to try it.

Basically it is two half hour tracks on a CD which utilise audio technology to create the brain wave patterns of deep meditation. The first track you listen to for two weeks and after that you listen to both. I found it extremely relaxing and I could feel tensions leaving my body, the net effect of it was an end to anxiety and the constant self judgement that was taking place in my head.

This was around seven years ago now, and it has not returned.

Anyway, here is a link Holosync by Centerpointe is guaranteed to produce deep, super-pleasurable meditative states, razor-sharp thinking, quantum leaps in self-awareness., there is a free demo available. Another thing I used was The Sedona Method.

At the moment I am working with Theta Healing Thetahealing - Theta Healing - Vianna Stibal which you may also find interesting.

Sometimes it is necessary to search outside of what we know to find the solution. Looking back I can see that anxiety for me was not trusting in the flow of life. We are all on a journey and there is much to learn.

[Virgil]

I'm desperate!

AMELIA;810862 wrote: Hi Virgil,
I'm sorry you are feeling desperate.
I decided a while ago to go private instead of dealing with the NHS. I think they do get things right sometimes, but patient numbers are so high and the allocated time per patient, so small, I cut my losses and went private. (expensive as it is!).
Glad to hear you have an appointment next Monday. Maybe Celexa, as Sea mentioned may be the right thing for you.
I am sorry I can not be much help in alleviating your current distress, but I understand what it is like to be feel anxious and uneasy with oneself.
I also take Baclofen. I have taken it while still drinking (it didn't seem to do much for me), and I have stopped taking it and re-started while AF. It works better for me when I am AF.

I hope the next few days go a smoothly as possible for you. Monday is only 5 days away now. I hope your appointment goes well. Keep close to the boards and ask for more support if you need it.

Hi AMELIA,

Many thanks for your kind thoughts.

I'm not expecting any great revelations from seeing the GP next Monday but I'll report back.

V.

[Virgil]

I'm desperate!

mama bear;810932 wrote: I take Effexor for depression and Klonopin as needed for anxiety....works wonders...now ijust have to kill the AL Beast!!!!

Hi mama bear,

Thanks for your input.

I'm not sure if I have ever taken Effexor, which may seem an odd thing to say. However, I have tried so many medications over the last 35 years that many of them have faded from memory. I used to take clonazepam (Klonopin?) for approximately two years on a daily basis. I finally (over a period of many months) weaned myself off it last year. But I do still take diazepam as, and when, required.

V.

[Virgil]

I'm desperate!

Gold;811049 wrote: Hello Virgil,

I'm sorry to hear about your difficulties, I know how dispiriting it is to try many things in the hope of resolution. For many years I experienced a great deal of anxiety and self-judgement, the thing which changed that for me after many books, counselling and so on was something called Holosync, I read of it in a book and decided to try it.

Basically it is two half hour tracks on a CD which utilise audio technology to create the brain wave patterns of deep meditation. The first track you listen to for two weeks and after that you listen to both. I found it extremely relaxing and I could feel tensions leaving my body, the net effect of it was an end to anxiety and the constant self judgement that was taking place in my head.

This was around seven years ago now, and it has not returned.

Anyway, here is a link Holosync by Centerpointe is guaranteed to produce deep, super-pleasurable meditative states, razor-sharp thinking, quantum leaps in self-awareness., there is a free demo available. Another thing I used was The Sedona Method.

At the moment I am working with Theta Healing Thetahealing - Theta Healing - Vianna Stibal which you may also find interesting.

Sometimes it is necessary to search outside of what we know to find the solution. Looking back I can see that anxiety for me was not trusting in the flow of life. We are all on a journey and there is much to learn.

Hi Gold,

Many thanks for mentioning Holosync. From time to time, I experiment with binaural beats on which Holosync is based, if I understand rightly. I use a product called SHARM. SHARM also works at theta frequencies (and others).

I have not heard of The Sedona Method but I will check it out.

BTW, I can totally relate to your statement that "Looking back I can see that anxiety for me was not trusting in the flow of life". That is my problem entirely. With your permission, I may use your quote as my signature in future.

Once again, thank you!

V.

[Gold]

I'm desperate!

Hi Virgil,

Yes, Holosync is based on binaural beats. I think the real strength in it was in following the programme, i.e. regular and fairly prolonged usage, I was very determined!

Please feel free to use those words in your signature. I've never had OCD but I did find it very difficult to let go and trust having always been responsible for other people and feeling the need to make things happen. Events altered all of that and largely I do trust but it has been hard to get to this point, once there though it is a great relief, I still have some aspects in which I find it difficult to trust but I am getting there, I liken it to standing on the top diving board afraid to jump!

I noticed another thread about anxiety this morning perhaps that might be interesting to you https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...ety-40474.html.

[Virgil]

I'm desperate!

Gold;811310 wrote: Hi Virgil,

Yes, Holosync is based on binaural beats. I think the real strength in it was in following the programme, i.e. regular and fairly prolonged usage, I was very determined!

Please feel free to use those words in your signature. I've never had OCD but I did find it very difficult to let go and trust having always been responsible for other people and feeling the need to make things happen. Events altered all of that and largely I do trust but it has been hard to get to this point, once there though it is a great relief, I still have some aspects in which I find it difficult to trust but I am getting there, I liken it to standing on the top diving board afraid to jump!

I noticed another thread about anxiety this morning perhaps that might be interesting to you https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...ety-40474.html.

Hello Gold,

Letting go is something I have big problems with. You may be interested in the following links:

Surrender and Letting Go: The Hidden Psychological Obstacles

Letting Go Uncontrollables And Unchangables | LIVESTRONG.COM

I also have a problem with trust.

Thanks for the link to the existential anxiety thread. I'll probably post on there shortly.

And, finally, thanks for giving me permission to use your words in my signature. I'll also include your MWO username.

V.

[IAD]

I'm desperate!

Virgil......glad you found this place. We are all friends here ! You can tell us your most hidden drinking secrets ! We have all been their.........some of us have harder times than others. It does'nt matter........if we were to stay in the same line we all would of gotten to the same place....We are here to help, by which we get help our selves ! Welcome......IAD

[Virgil]

I'm desperate!

IAD;811363 wrote: Virgil......glad you found this place. We are all friends here ! You can tell us your most hidden drinking secrets ! We have all been their.........some of us have harder times than others. It does'nt matter........if we were to stay in the same line we all would of gotten to the same place....We are here to help, by which we get help our selves ! Welcome......IAD

IAD,

Many thanks for your kind and supportive words, which are greatly appreciated.

V.