such a positive mood then I do it again

[Flip Top]

Ive been really good for the last week and half but last night I went out and drunk to much ale, I kept saying to myself I will control it but guess what I found it so hard to do it and saying the word 'No' seemed to be non existant. I came home and I was sick. I just dont see this is acceptable behaviour. Just feeling a little lonely today. I was being so positive but I connected my self to that horrible shape the circle....:upset:

[Doggygirl]

such a positive mood then I do it again

Flip unfortunately, those of us who are addicted to alcohol cannot control our consumption in a predictable or reliable way. (with the possible exception of taking meds to change that up)

I was glancing back at your previous posts and saw the one about your counselor who is working with you to try to moderate your drinking. I don't want to stand in contradiction to a professional, but I think many people here can attest to the fact that "control" is simply not possible for some of us. I know it's not possible for me. And since quitting AL my self esteem is vastly improved, my relationships are vastly improved, I'm "mentally" much better. But if I had one drink, I would very soon be out of control again.

I can't say if you are addicted to alcohol or not which I think is the "bottom line" in terms of whether or not you have a good chance to successful control your drinking. Only YOU can determine that. I just hate to see you spinning your wheels trying to control what is possibly NOT controllable for you, then feeling horrible about yourself, and just staying "stuck" in that viscious cycle. I know that cycle well because I spent lots of years in it.

Anyway...don't know if that's helpful or not. All we can do is learn from yesterday, and try to make the best choices possible for today! Onward!

DG

[Flip Top]

such a positive mood then I do it again

the thing is I was invited out and at first I said no but then got it into my head maybe a couple of beers would be ok but its never a couple

[Doggygirl]

such a positive mood then I do it again

Flip, please know that your thinking was completely NORMAL. Irrational from the sense that people like us simply CAN'T have a couple of drinks. Yet it's part of this disease/affliction/condition/addiction/whatever word you like to use for it to THINK that way.

Recognizing those thought patterns that are completely BS is just part of this learning process I think. Here are some classic lies that my OWN brain tries to fool me with:

* I can have just one. (I have never in my life had just one)
* I can drink today and get drunk. I know how to quit drinking so I'll just get back on the wagon tomorrow. (the last time I had "a" drink I stayed drunk for 8 months trying desparately to get back on the wagon and just couldn't seem to muster it up)
* I deserve a drink. (AL is poison to me. I don't deserve poison.)
* It wil be OK if I drink _____________ (insert something other than wine or vodka here) because I really only like wine and vodka. (that is complete BS. I have often drank whatever was available even if I didn't "like" it to the point of complete drunken stupor)

And the list goes on.

This is a learning process! For now, it might not be reasonable to expect to go out with friends and drink 7Up. You have to decide what is most important to you.

DG

[Flip Top]

such a positive mood then I do it again

But DG how would you explain addiction? I dont drink everyday but I have done in the past, some nights I can say no but not that often.

[mama bear]

such a positive mood then I do it again

Flip Top
I was (am?) an every other day drinker. The hangovers would cure me for the day, but the next day I felt great and strong and did it again. That was my "hamster wheel" and I finally decided I wanted OFF!!!!!
Just because you don't drink every day does not mean you are not a problem drinker.
You have come here, so you are acknowledging you have a probelm and want help....perhaps that enough is additction????
But...the Good news is....we are all here for you and we have all been in the same sinking boat to varying degrees and we will help you.
Check out the Newbies Nest.......and come hop in with all us new babies!!!
Best of luck to you and check in often!!!

[Doggygirl]

such a positive mood then I do it again

Flip Top;811450 wrote: But DG how would you explain addiction? I dont drink everyday but I have done in the past, some nights I can say no but not that often.

I have heard it said that addiction is defined NOT by how often we "use" but what happens when we do. If you have difficulty controling your drinking once you start, then I think that is the sign of addiction (unfortunately) that you are looking for.

Only YOU can decide if you are willing to continue to risk drinking, and being out of control.

Some addicts are daily drinkers. Some addicts are weekend drinkers. Some addicts go on binges that last for days. Some addicts drink to blackout in one evening. Some are sippers and some are chuggers. The common denominator it seems, is that we have a very difficult time controling our consumption once we start. I think that's the key.

Edited to add: I also think along the progression that there was a time when I could "occassionally" control my consumption if I tried really really hard. (if you call "control" leaving the bar after 6 drinks or something like that) I then reached a point where there really was no controlling anything once I started. Things just get worse over time if you are addicted and keep drinking, IMO.

DG

[greeneyes]

such a positive mood then I do it again

Flip top, ditto the above. I wonder though, all things considered with the control issue.... do you want to work that hard for a couple drinks now and then?

[Flip Top]

such a positive mood then I do it again

Thats a good question. I have been off work with a neck injury for the last 6 months which doesnt help as have a lot of spare time on my hands. Its given me alot of time to think about things. Maybe the only way is to just drink soft drinks when I do go out and not to try to mod because there is always that risk if I do keep on trying to mod that I end up in this predicament again and again.

[spuddleduck]

such a positive mood then I do it again

just a couple

how many times have i said to myself (and really believed it) 'just a couple will be ok'. a blackout later i wonder where it went wrong. i too am not working at the moment. there have been no constraints of having to get up for work. funnily enough i am now thinking this is a good time to address my drinking as i have time to fully concentrate on it and do exactly what i need to do to help myself feel better. day 4 af for me and feeling positive.

[Flip Top]

such a positive mood then I do it again

Just wish all this anxiety would stop its doing my head in

[maslow23]

such a positive mood then I do it again

Hi Flip,
I don't have the solution but wanted to let you know that you are not alone. My anxiety appears to be at an all time high today. Just plain sucks!!

[Flip Top]

such a positive mood then I do it again

Hate the feeling it drives me crazy. St Johns Wart helps a little

[startingover]

such a positive mood then I do it again

Hiya Flip, it sounds like you have learned a valuable lesson here?
Re the anxiety, I had it pretty severely when I first quit, it righted itself over the course of time. I am probably the most relaxed I have EVER been now.
Hang in there.

[sick of being sick]

such a positive mood then I do it again

I wish so bad I could just have a couple of drinks, but I always blackout after 2 or 3 and can't ever remember anything the next morning! There is no such think as controlling your drinking when you are an alcoholic! One drink is always too many for us, unfortunately!