To begin to beat this and now cancer

[ATLThrash]

I survived the weekend with the St Pat's party-- I had one cider which for me is a total victory and did nto want more-- did not beat myself up because that was it and I was right back on track. Today though I went to my dermatologist for my check up-- 2 years ago I had malignant melanoma but all had been clear sicne the removal-- now I have 3 swollen lymph nodes which they biopsied-- the doctor said to hope for the best but expect the worst and prepare for it. My husband is gone this week and next travelling and I am with my 4 year old-- have to keep it together to do his swim lessons, activiites etc when all I want to do is cry. I have no family here and taking care of my child has isoloated me-- I do not want to confide in people like the moms at his school because I am not that close to them but I need someone-- I feel I should not tell my husband on the phone but this is killing me.. I had such plans to get healthy and get back to the old me. It just seems like everyhting in hte past 5 years has gotten worse and worse and it is getting harder to be thankful for my child and husband. I know that sounds so awful-- please do not judge me for that-- but I am very scared and I could use some support.

[mama bear]

To begin to beat this and now cancer

I am a cancer survivor....when are the the lymph nodes being tested. Have you talked to you husband???
Do you have a friend you can call???
I will talk with you about this all you need baby

[the bellinator]

To begin to beat this and now cancer

ATL..........feeling for you............don't know you are religious so i hope this doesn't offend you. my father-in-law used to tell me when i was overwhelmed with two YOUNG babies and a step-daughter that hated me.........."God doesn't give you anything you can't handle."

I didn't believe my father-in-law then, but I did survive. How long before you husband is home? I think the more things you can do to start "preparing" the more in control you will feel--which will be important. Hug and wrestle with your 4 year old. That phyiscal contact will release endorphins like crazy.

Is there anyone you can call?

Thinking of you--sending love and strength,
Bell

[ATLThrash]

To begin to beat this and now cancer

Today

I was tested today. I am waiting for the pathology. But htere is not really a reason for the nodes to swell unless it is bad. MamaBear-- I am a cancer survivor-- cervical twice in my 20s-- I am lucky to have a child at all. I never turned to drink or anythingbad then-- so why am I weak now? I am just afriad that I cannot do this again. I am religious-- Catholic-- but it seems so overwhelming that at this point I am having a pity party I guess. My husband does not know-- he is in Cleveland with a client then Chicago . My issue with religion is that I have been on my knees praying daily to please help me stop all the destructive behavior and now this is what happens? I am sorry that sounds so bad but I just feel so hopeless about it

[the bellinator]

To begin to beat this and now cancer

That is totally understandable. Frankly I'd probably be a little ticked at the big guy!

Is there any way hubby can cut his trip short?

Like I said--cuddle and have physical contact with your child. This is one of the best medicines there is. I went through some major depression when my children were itty bitty, and I found that the only way to survive the day was to get on the floor and be physical with them. Just a thought.

We are here for you.

Love and strength.......

[Panno]

To begin to beat this and now cancer

Lots of cuddles coming your way over the ocean :l:l:l....... sorry to hear your troubles and for the way your feeling right now i'm sure is natural. Maybe it would be best to tell your husband when you speak over the phone I'm sure he would not want you to be on your own at a time like this.

[ATLThrash]

To begin to beat this and now cancer

well..

My husband is a wonderful man-- I would not have put up with half the crap with the drinking that he has (though his mom and dad are alcoholics andso are 2 brothers so to him he thinks I am just over reacting since my parents are not drinkers so I think 6 drinks every once in a while is bad-- but to me hiding is awful)-- but his issue is that I seem to draw a line between before my child and after his birth for my issues. I am sure that that is probably not true but it infuriates him. I guess I am feeling sorry for myself. But I will tell him-- but I knwo he cannot cut the trip short so I am afriad to tell him and just worry him more.

[Guitarista]

To begin to beat this and now cancer

Tell him Thrasher. I'd be fuming if i didn't know, and i'm sure he'll cut his trip short for something far, far more important. His loved ones, his family. Nothing matter's more.

Best wishes with your result's.

[mama bear]

To begin to beat this and now cancer

I agree 100%...call him...he will be there for you...as am I

[ATLThrash]

To begin to beat this and now cancer

Thanks

I will call him-- but I hate to say and I know you will think this is awful-- I survived cancer 2 times without him all alone in my 20s so he thinks I am some sort of super woman-- this is why this drinkingthing has floored him-- he sees it as a weakness and cannot believe I coudl have radiation and chemo all by muyself in Memphis when he was so far away and then not be able to stop drinking, lose weight (yep that is dumb to me-- but I guess he thought I was really pretty -- maybe I was-- I was told I looked alot like Jessica Simpson -- not the heavier one before) and just go out and make loads of friends. So he has thrown himself into work and into caring for our boy when he is here-- he is one of those Irish stoics (any Irish out there-- I bet you know whatI mean). I am afriad he will say well I am sorry but what can I do- I have to work to support us. I had a job before our son where I actually was more successful than him but it seems that unfortunatley when I stopped working (for some health stuff -- not the cancer--believe or not I did better with that than other issues) his star just rose androse adn it seemd liek mine hit the skids. So I am approaching it will trepidation. And I really really do not want to screw it up with a drink!

[MamaZum]

To begin to beat this and now cancer

Dear ATLT...just want to tell you I will be thinking about you and i am crossing my fingers! Hang in there, sweetie!

[KateH1]

To begin to beat this and now cancer

I know first hand the devistation that we go through when we hear the words, "this might be cancer" and again when we recieve a postitive diagnosis. To say this is a huge blow, is an understatement. But, remember, you are still in shock from all this and treatments have come a long way. I hope that you are able to talk with your husband and a close friend or two. This does help. I also hope that you are able to remain sober through this. I support you and send you comfort and strength.

Best Wishes,
xx Kate

[MauMcL]

To begin to beat this and now cancer

I had a malignant melanoma removed from the inside of my lower ankle two years ago. Do you know what the depth of yours was? Mine was very shallow .017 or something. I was given a 95% cure rate. I had to have a chunk of my ankle removed, then a skin graft. It was EXCRUCIATING.

Where was yours? What kind? (Mine was superficial spreading.) Nobody told me to worry about lymph nodes. That is just strange. I mean they checked them at the time of the cancer...Are the nodes near where the melanoma was? Nodes can be swollen for a lot of reasons...Did you have strep recently or anything? There is a chance the doctors are being alarmist and that the news will be fine...I really believe that.

You are right: a drink WILL NOT make your glands unswell. Now more than ever you need to stay in control, OK? Best to you,

I know it is scary, but I feel you are going to be just fine!

I can't tell you what to do about telling your husband/not telling your husband. Listen to your :h for that answer.

[ATLThrash]

To begin to beat this and now cancer

I told him

I did tell him last night and he said alot of the same things you said-- I have had other health issues though not strep lately so it could be that--I am anemic at times an I undersna that can make the body prone to infection. My melanoma was on my back. It was by chance that I even discovered it-- one day I just looked and there was this really dark weird looking mole. I went and they tested it and it was malignant. They had to cut a 6 inch long and half inch deep patch to get clear margins. It really hurt and and the scar is hideous. I did not have a skin graft-- they just stitched it up-- maybe because it was in a differnet palce than yours? I do not know-- I was told that with the type it is that the chances of there being other spots later are greater-- but honestly I was so scared that I did nto hear any of the technical medical terms -- I just wanted it to be gone!. All I know is what I was told by the dermatologist about what she did to get clear margins. Anyway, the nodes they checked were under my arm-- they check my neck and under my arm every time I go and this was the first time anything was wrong. You are right-- maybe they are being cautious. I should know by the end of the day supposedly what the pathology said-- with my insurance they have to send it off and the results usually come back by the end of the next day. They better or I will go nuts!

I did not drink yesterday. I am alone with my little boy and even if he was asleep I will not take the chance that he might need me. I can say that he was probably what kept me from at least having that St Pat's day beer! I have had cancer before in my 20s but not this-- this is a whole different ballgame to me-- I used to be a real sun bunny (but strangely I totally stopped going in the sun except in full clothes after my son was born because I felt so fat and I found the mole on my back when he was 2) So in a way, I blame myself for it which is destructive I know but I guess as drinkers we probably all have times when we have alto of hate and blame and guilt.

I cannto imagine having melanoma on the ankle with the bone there! There is not alot of skin to deal with at that area-- no wonder you needed a graft. Just thinking of it makes me hurt. I am glad you are okay now. How long has it been again since you had it?

[johnnyh]

To begin to beat this and now cancer

Hi ATL,

Sorry to be reading what you're going through. I'm having an excision done on the 30th March. Was under watch of dermatologist 6 months ago and had follow up this past Saturday and the doctor wasn't happy with one of my moles in the way it had changed in shape and color. They're not sure yet if it's real concern to worry about but want to cut it and send to lab for testing. However feel nervous about it so am in a similar place as you atm, just waiting. However it must be worse for you having gone through this before when it was something malignant. I just wanted to say, I share your pain.