Day 2!

[santybury]

Hi everyone. Its day 2 with no drink but im still reeling from the shame of my last drunken antics. Keep geting flashbacks and have that awful paranoia. Today when I got up I could barely look at myself in the mirror but I have decided that this is it. I have booked into see an AL advisory counsellor this afternoon to discuss my options. I would like to use the drug that makes you sick if you drink, as I know im not to be trusted. You would think that after all the terrible things I have done while under the influence, I would see sense and not drink, but no, a few days after the shame has subsided, there I am in the wine section, I hate it!!!
Thnks for everyones kind words yesterday as well, this has been a massive help already as I dont feel alone anymore.
Thanks agaiin :thanks:

[fennel]

Day 2!

I'm on day 2 as well!

santybury, when those thoughts of shame enter your head, push them out immediately. There is no place for them right now. I know what you mean about having "sense", or not having it, more accurately. Addiction defies all common sense.

I don't think any night will be as hard as the first one, so hang in there. :goodjob:

[rubywillow]

Day 2!

The first few days after 'THE HORRIBLE ACTS' are actually the easiest. As Santy said, we first go through worrying we will die from the effects of the AL we ingested, then thinking of all the embarressing things we did UTI. Slowly, but surely, we realize THIS time we will live. Our body begins to 'normalize' back to our reg drinking status. And the cravings begin. Then the work starts, if we truly want to not be back there again, repeating the same cycle. Because if we DON'T begin the work, we can expect the scenario to repeat. Beating AL IS work. I hope you both have a plan, or will start one today. If you need to understand what a plan is, PM me. There are SO many things to expect, to be prepared for. I've been through them all, so I'm not just talking here. It took me a VERY long time to realize that, and I hope I can save you from a bit of the grief I went through. Research, read, realize where you are, and where you want to be. I'm here for you both, or anyone else I can help.

[santybury]

Day 2!

Thanks for the messages you guys.
Fennel, its good that we are both on day 2, we can support each other through this and it will help knowing were experencing similar feelings. Having said that , I guess every one on here understands what were going through as they have all been through it themselves. Any way, I am always here for you for support if you need me.
Rubywillow, thank you too. I would appreciate any help or advice you can give me, as I want to break this awful cycle and take my life back. i have tried on numerous occasions to stop, cut down, only drink at weekens and change what i drink. Nothing has ever lasted that long and before you know it i've totally humiliated myself in public again. Thats when the cycle of shame and self depreciation, and critisism sets in, leading to more drink to forget. I have so many questions and would love to hear your story.
Speak soon and thanks to both of you x:thanks:

[Doggygirl]

Day 2!

Santy, be willing to do whatever it takes, and you will succeed. Many people here at MWO have successfully used the drug you mention (Antabuse) to quit drinking. You might want to seek out people like Determinator and Marshy as two examples just off the top of my head who have been successful including Antabuse as part of their overall plans. (I highly recommend a complete plan!)

Preserve your memories of your horrible drinking experiences. My own memories are like a collection of movies in my head. If I get any glamorous notions about "having just one drink" (one??? hahahahahaha....) I "play the tapes." All the way to the end, including the hangovers and shame. It's critical that I remember EXACTLY how it was. Not some glammed up version of my drinking that AL would like me to think.

Quitting is not easy, but it's worth it. Stay determined and honest with yourself. If I can do this, you can too.

DG

[jessie]

Day 2!

:lHi Santabury, we all carry that shame and loathing - here is to your success

[spuddleduck]

Day 2!

santy and fennel :goodjob: you are on the way now. look forward to your goal. we are all with you on your journey :l

[santybury]

Day 2!

Thanks everyone!
I screwed up however and have had a drink the last 2 nights. Nothing bad happened but it will, it always does. Trying not to have a drink tonight. Thanks for your words of support btw.

[Doggygirl]

Day 2!

Hi Santy. Good that you are right back at this thing. I like to be very careful about the words I use when I talk with *myself* about not drinking. I don't "try" to not drink. "Trying" leaves the door open a crack for not succeeding with my effort. And a small crack in the door is all AL needs to walk on through.

I DECIDE not to drink. Period. That's just the way it has to be for me.

Hope that helps. Do whatever it takes.

Did you see the AL counselor? Just curious how that went if you..went.

DG

[hangingon]

Day 2!

Good Advice DG
I am on day two again and I keep telling myself that I just will not drink again. I am finding I need to avoid any situation that will put me around AL, at least for a while until I feel stronger.
hangin

[Doggygirl]

Day 2!

Hangingon, I avoided AL situations as much as humanly possible for quite some time. To this day, there are still AL situations that I choose not to participate in, even AF. And even after almost 2 years, I STILL ALWAYS have a plan - ALWAYS if I am going to be around AL. My plan always includes such things as:

1. Eat before I go. (I crave less on a full stomach)
2. Decide in advance what I will drink, and take it with me if appropriate.
3. Have an exit strategy. I always have a way to LEAVE (gracefully or not) if cravings set in and there is ANY chance I might choose to drink.

I am usually the last to arrive and the first to leave when AL is around. That's OK with me. And if I don't feel like being around AL, I don't go to stuff. My sobriety is my first priority. It's what makes "life" possible (literally!) for me.

DG

[mollyka]

Day 2!

Doggygirl, everything you say makes so much sense to me. I know that if I HAVE to go to any boozy do I have to have a plan. Luckily my hubby is very good about this and when I say I have to leave we do, however l still avoid socialising around alcohol as much as I can.
I also agree that 'trying' not to drink would never work for me it is a 100% 'I don't drink', sounds too simple to work but it does for me!
Thanks as always for your wise words:thanks:
Molly

[mama bear]

Day 2!

I love the saying that Mother Nature makes us forget.....remember childbirth????

[santybury]

Day 2!

Doggygirl;827902 wrote: Hi Santy. Good that you are right back at this thing. I like to be very careful about the words I use when I talk with *myself* about not drinking. I don't "try" to not drink. "Trying" leaves the door open a crack for not succeeding with my effort. And a small crack in the door is all AL needs to walk on through.

I DECIDE not to drink. Period. That's just the way it has to be for me.

Hope that helps. Do whatever it takes.

Did you see the AL counselor? Just curious how that went if you..went.

DG

Hi doggy girl I did and it washelpful and I can honestly say im drinking less since ive been on here, its like im aware now of what im doing although im not at the point to stop completely. I didnt go ahead with the counsellor because of reasons id rather not disclose on here. I have ordered some Baclofen also and am really going to get this thing under wraps now. Thanks for your help x

[santybury]

Day 2!

jessie;827404 wrote: :lHi Santabury, we all carry that shame and loathing - here is to your success

Thank you Jessie x