Can't get past 48 hours

[Doggygirl]

Can't get past 48 hours

DB, I am very sorry for your loss. I am very grateful that you chose to share a bit of your brother's story hear. This dose of TRUTH is exactly what I need, each and every day, to keep myself on a sober path. You are so right that AL is a sneaky one. Romancing us while killing us.

I am happy for every alcoholic here who is somehow AF today. Just for today.

DG

[jessie]

Can't get past 48 hours

:lDisco Bunny, thanks for sharing your story. I think I'm going to print it out and keep it in my MWO book.
I also lost my beloved brother largely because of excessive alcohol consumption and heavy smoking at age 62. He had stopped drinking one year before he passed - and died of lung cancer, but AL is a major carsogenic, it was too late forhis body. I miss him terribly.
May he RIP.

[techie]

Can't get past 48 hours

Disco Bunny, such a powerful story. I just lost a very close 44 y/o cousin I was very close to due to excessive alcohol consumption. He left to boys behind ages 17 and 15.

[Snapdragon]

Can't get past 48 hours

Hi Disco - I just wanted to say thank you for sharing this with us. It is a real wake up call for me - and many others here on the site too. It reminds me that we don't get a second chance! It scared me to death reading your post - I am so sorry for what happened to your brother and hope that your sharing his story will help to save the lives of others before its too late. I also hope and pray that I will be one of the lucky ones.

Love to you and well done on your huge AF achievement! Snap X

[Drunkindian]

Can't get past 48 hours

I had tried to quit drinking many, many times. My heart wasn't in it, I never had any intention of never drinking again. So I would stop for a few days or weeks and go right back. It took almost losing my wife and child for my brain to grasp the fact that I just cannot do this anymore. It was the most freeing realization I have undergone. My wife had divorce papers drawn up, and had a plan to leave me and was going to do it. I was powerless to stop her. It took me absolutely "snapping-in-a-good-way" to finally decide that my life must change permanently. By the time I actually stopped for good, I had "kindled" my withdrawals into a physical hell. My first 2 days of withdrawal were a nightmare. I felt like I had been injected with amphetamines and LSD, I couldn't focus a single thought; my heart was pounding like a jackhammer and I had awful audio and visual hallucinations. Trying to sleep or hold still was torture and so was trying to eat. Valerian root helped a little, as did copious fluids and vitamins, heavy on the B group. It wasn't until the 3rd day that I actually slept and ate real food. By the fourth day I felt almost normal but still a little shaky like I had consumed too much coffee. It was on day 3 that I felt genuine hope return, hope I had not felt since I began dating my wife. On day 5, I could see the light at the end of the tunnel (and it wasn't a train) and I felt good. The first 48 hours were hellish and I am proud that I made it through them without giving in, just to stop the madness. I am so grateful that my brain is no longer betraying my wish for happiness and health. I must say though, for my own success, I required a fundamental change in my perspective; and it required the worst possible scenario imaginable to be thrust in front of me. I no longer want to be alcohol free, I just am...and I get to keep my beautiful wife and gorgeous son. Who wouldn't trade constant madness for a wonderful family? Apparently for so many years, I was stupidly content with the madness. Now I have a whole life to look forward instead of the next bottle. BTW I hedged my bets with strong Kava Tea, Kudzu and a supply of Baclofen just in case. None of which are as powerful as my own desire to live a good life, but still a good idea, just in case.

[techie]

Can't get past 48 hours

Drunkindian, Powerful story. It seems you have got your priorities straight. I am estranged from my wife and 14 y/o daughter because of my alcohol abuse. Making some progress at home, but I know these things take time. Hang in there and keep us posted on your progress. :welcome: :thanks:

[DiscoBunnie]

Can't get past 48 hours

Thankful Gratitude MWOutters...

~ Words cannot relate my heartfelt gratitude to each one of you for your concern and compassion on my recent posting. You are each a special part of my "sober" coping and I thank you with all my heart.

DrunkinIndian, thank you for sharing your story. I am so happy you are on the path to recovery for your health and your family! Way to go DI!

Techie & Jessie, yes, losing someone to AL can can bring on an emotional roller coaster ride, no doubt. I share in your sorrow for your losses...

mario~ thank you for your thoughts. And thank you for keeping things light. I am smiling now as I look at your "how you doing" avatar! Thanks for the smiles...

KTAB & Panno, thank you for your encouraging words and for sharing your thoughts. Hopefully, together we can all help one another as we travel this journey...

DG, UK & Snap, thank you =0) your continued support and encouragement is a daily inspiration to me.....

God Bless,
~db

[Rusty]

Can't get past 48 hours

Dear DiscoBunnie,

I'm so sorry to hear of the lost of your beloved brother. If I had been in his hospice room, I would have told him how lucky he was to such a loving sister like you. I can feel your pain. I lost my brother the same way as yours did 3 years ago. Prayers to you that you find strength.

Thinking of you at this sad time,

Rusty

[DiscoBunnie]

Can't get past 48 hours

Rusty,

Thank you for sharing your kind words and thoughts. Your post along with the previous posts have been read over and over and over by me on several late nights and have helped me survive the night and move forward....

You are all my inspiration and I wish each of you lived right next door so you could be my sponsors!

~db

[mama bear]

Can't get past 48 hours

I have never posted here, but I am truely inspired. Disco , I too am sory for your loss. I was feeling a bit despondant this morning and your powerful words help.
This is a tough battle we are fighting and I have been somewhat half assed about it, but your brothers story helps me realize I better get serious.
Thank you and may your brother rest in peace

ps....i love my bed too!!!! it's my haven

[DiscoBunnie]

Can't get past 48 hours

Today is day 45. I'm not sure how I got here, but here I am! For a while, I wasn't even sure what day I was on... so this morning I counted the days one by one off the calendar. It strikes me as odd that I would arrive at a number so neatly rounded off, "45". Does that mean something? ...

I thought I would write about where I am today, hoping you might share some insight as to wherever you are in your journey, being day 1, year 1 or anywhere in between or before or beyond....

...so I find myself thinking on a deeper level. I guess that means I find myself actually thinking about why "I" feel a certain way instead of thinking "what is wrong with that person?". I used to react to everything and think about it later. I find I am keeping my mouth shut more and having these mental conversations about the situation. That can be good or not so good because I have found that in certain situations I have not responded to something quick enough (usually at work). There is some old clishe(SP) about Silence is Golden? I will have to give that one some more thought....

Another thing I am noticing is that I am listening more intently to my children and to others. I actually feel myself wanting to "feel" what they feel or at least trying to really understand where they are coming from. Where before I only superficially listened to people. Its crazee, I actually stop what I am doing, and make eye contact with people, what is that all about? ....

My house is clean, dinner is made(well most of the time) bills get paid on time (okay most of the time too), the dogs get attention (still working on the daily walk). I keep in touch with people. I make every effort to do what I say I am going to do ~ ....

... I also recently feel like I am going to crawl out of my skin and I don't even know why. I carry this strange sense of fear within me. A fear that the cravings are going to come back full force and I will fail at fighting them off ( I still have cravings, but not as often and not as strong), it scares me to death to think that I will not have the strength to overcome...

I feel tired all the time. I am eating well and taking a gazillion supplements, I guess my body is going to need some time for repairing itself after all those years of alcohol on board. I want to add exercise to my routine but I can't find the energy, I suppose that too will come in time...

I wane back and forth emotionally but I know that comes from dealing with grief SOBER for the first time in my life. So I have mental mini meetings with "myself" to talk myself through emotions and situations. I guess as long as the voice is my own and not other little voices, I am okay, RIGHT? ...

A happy Saturday to all ... =0)

~db

[DiscoBunnie]

Can't get past 48 hours

Good Morning Mama Bear and welcome! I hope you keep posting here. We are all in this together ~ no matter where we are in our journey, the way I see it, "half ass" is a step in the right direction! Way to go!

~db

[What happened to me?]

Can't get past 48 hours

Hi DB,

Your entire thread has touched me deeply and I am so sorry for the loss of your brother.

I am not counting my af days but I stopped drinking April 16th and also am experiencing exactly what you are talking about. I call it "being present in my own life" and I totally forgot what that felt like! I am loving it more and more every single day. And that FEAR... oh yea, it is there, but just like when I gave up smoking ten years ago (a 25 yr habit) I tell myself I just refuse to put that first wicked drink to my lips ever.

So keep on being present in your own life as the rewards are awesome and remember what we always try to teach our kids.... just say no!(to that tempting first drink)
WHTM

[mama bear]

Can't get past 48 hours

thanks db...you made me laugh

[Guest]

Can't get past 48 hours

DB

Your post explains most of my experiences too....I am much more attentive, can relate much better and am think more about my behaviours. My counsellor uses TA for this including 'Ego' states. I have been able to recognise my 'child' ego behaviours as the problem ones that often lead to stress, anxiety and of course desires to drink. I'm working on reacting more with my 'adult' ego instead. We are also delving into where my child behaviours originate from too....all very interesting and in the midst of this I'm forming better bonds with those around me.

Yes there are difficult times but they are getting easier every day and the cravings are so much less. I now know a craving won't kill me and that is a great relief!!!!

Come on girl we are doing this together and scarily enough almost in parallel.

Yay! and a big hug.

:l