Can't get past 48 hours

[Guest]

Can't get past 48 hours

Shucks

I remember coming in and out of here when I first joined and I see myself in so many others here too.

This evening has been bad and I know why - I'm coming up to something that could be difficult and decisions have to be made. What's worse is the situation is completely external to my life and way out of my hands but it will have direct effects on myself. I'm working on not projecting and ODAT is more important than ever. I'm typing this from my bed (pc in in repair as it has 57 nasty trojans on in) on an old laptop at only 8.25pm UK time. Yes I came to bed at 7.30pm because I am at high risk of drinking and need to be away from all complications right now. I could cry at the cravings but I also would cry if I ever went back to my old pattern of drinking - and I know even 1 drink or 1 drunk today would land me right back there - if not immediately definitely in weeks/months to come.

So I'm hanging on from my little hidey hole. Under the duvet and a load of soaps to watch on iplayer. I find soaps mindless but that's what I need right now. My brain needs to switch off!

Thanks for your support DG it means such a lot.

UK

[K9Lover]

Can't get past 48 hours

Hang in there UK!
Mindless television has gotten me through MANY days...do what you need to do.
I'm facing some nicotine cravings tonight since I am quitting smoking...so I'll probably be in bed early too...but whatever it takes, right?
Good job, keep it up!
K9

[Waiting for the Sun]

Can't get past 48 hours

Day 8!

Hello to all,

Thanks for being there even when you don't know you were there??? Why has the last two days (7 and 8) been so hard? I'm even starting to rationalize that I didn't drink that much and I was or am a functional alcoholic. Whats with this???? Its getting harder and harder to fight. I'm trying to wait out the cravings, but I'm beginning to think I don't want to!!!! Its been raining much too long and i'm starting to wonder if I'll ever REALLY see the sun.

[Waiting for the Sun]

Can't get past 48 hours

OOps

Forgot I also have a horrible headache

[Doggygirl]

Can't get past 48 hours

Hello again fellow travelers!

Waiting, that conversation in your head about how you weren't really "that bad" and all the other blah blah blah going on in there is 1) something we all go through and 2) a bunch of AL lies. Your brain wants a fix and wants it bad. Don't give in. You will just end up regretting it and having to re-do this difficult early part. Much better to just tough it out and get it behind you. ACTION is good. Active stuff (exercising, walking, touring, shopping, cooking, etc.) is supposedly better than PASSIVE stuff (reading, watching TV, staring at the marshmallow, etc.) for getting past a craving.

That being said, my bed was a HUGE haven for me both when I quit smoking and when I first quit drinking. That was the one place on the planet I never smoked or drank. So I didn't have "habit" issues to deal with when I was in bed. And of course sleeping away the time helps too! :H

UK, I completely understand what you are talking about with urges at a time when you have something "heavy" pending. I especially have some difficulty dealing with things that are really outside of my control, but that affect me. Learning to accept what I cannot change has been a huge "growth opportunity" () for me. I like to control everything. And fact is, I can't. And drinking to forget about it is an OLD habit that I'm not going back to!

Ladies, we CAN do this. Don't give up. It WILL get better. There will be ups and downs in life. Millions and millions of people get through all this stuff every day without AL. So can we.

DG

[Guest]

Can't get past 48 hours

Disco Wooooooo Hoooooo

Do you think we are shouting loud enough DG?

[DiscoBunnie]

Can't get past 48 hours

Hello UK and everyone! ... I am back. 36 days AF thanks to lots of support and resignation that is for sure! 24 hours at a time!

UK~ you got through your rough patch, that is great news! I too have climbed into bed at an unusual early hour just to get through the evening. Better to sleep off the craving and lose a few hours, then to give into the craving and potentially lose days, months, years... you just never know where that first drink will take you ~ that is scary enough NOT to take that first drink isn't it? ...

UK ~ my absence comes with a story that I will share here soon. Its a bit too soon for me to post about it, but I believe it might help some. So I will muster up some courage and share with everyone.

Right now, I am heading out to Chuy's a surf Mexican food restaurant famous for its Margies, I am meeting my friends from high school (that was many, many years ago!). I will not drink and if the environment becomes too much for me, I will leave. Even at the cost of making some people unhappy for my early departure. .. I have a plan!

It is great to be back. I have missed you all....
~db

[jessie]

Can't get past 48 hours

LatelyI find that I'm more and more aware of the stupid things I did and said while drunk - and I mean episodes from years and years back seem to be cropping up. As if I'm only now realizing that I'm a alcoholic. And admitting to myself how shameful I have been. I hope that this is a good sign, because I think I was the queen of super - denial. Are you also experiencing it. I'd like to know if some of you did, especially the ones with longer stretches of AF.

[DiscoBunnie]

Can't get past 48 hours

Hello Everyone ~

Waiting, I also felt that same sturggle with the cravings in the begining days. It like having this crazy conversation going on inside your head. I equated that conversation to some evil being (al) trying to convince me to drink ~ it put things in perspective to me and I do believe that in some sort of way, there is some truth to that (but that is my truth) just sharing.... it is a challenge, or battle might be a better word in the begining, but it DOES get better, the cravings to subside after a while, the important thing to be keenly aware of right from day 1 is that the cravings will come and go. It will be a sord of dormant "symptom" that will show its ugly face in the first week or maybe even after years of sobriety ( I can't speak to that yet~ but many others here can... you are not alone Waiting, and you WILL see the sun and it is beautiful!

~db

[DiscoBunnie]

Can't get past 48 hours

I wanted to share my experiences over the course of the last few weeks with all of you because I've realized one of the strongest deceptions al thrives on~

Sadly, my brother passed away on April 30, 2010. I knew when I saw him for New Years this January that time had become a gift for him. My brother drank a lot. But he had a very good job, old trucks he worked on for a hobby, a harley which he enjoyed riding with his eldest son. A wife, beautiful home, children and grandchildren. He was a high functioning alcoholic who looked great at 6 foot and with the phsique of a football player and a personality to match! ...

In January, he had the huge stomach, yellow tinge to skin and eyes, talked slow, walked slow, did everything slow. But he fought it, telling everyone he was going to be okay, he was going to be sober for six months and get on a liver transplant list. His family believed him, I knew better. Diagnosis: Advanced, Severe Liver Cirrhosis.

Between January and April he had the fluid from his stomach drained over 10 times. Countless admissions to the hospital for severe pain. His whole life changed in 4 months, when previously he was fully functioning (fighting his own battle, but putting up a great front/show for the rest of us prior to the last 4 months when he just couldn't hide it anymore).

He went home on hospice April 28 in the evening hours. I booked my flight on April 29 for a 6AM flight on May 1. As I was packing on April 30th, I got a phone call. My brother had passed at 5:30pm. I missed him by less than 12 hours. I didn't get to say good-bye.....

I kept my flight, my sister and my other two brothers and I spent a week together. Bonding, sharing and recognizing the damage al so deviously slips into our lives. You see, the average life span of a person diagnosed with liver disease is 18 months. If al is removed entirely, the liver has the potential to regenerate to a certain percentage of functionality that will prolong life. But if drinking continues .. and here is the deception; liver disease does not typically shows its severe damage until it is too late. My brother felt good, not great, but good enough to be fully functional. So he continued to drink. Not getting drunk, pass out drinking, just daily drinking. Then BAMM, the disease took over and in 4 months he was gone.

My brother too had his history; my mom used to say that he was the only out of us six children that would never talk back to her or my dad, he would just cry. He held in his emotions. His first son was born when he was 17. He served in the U.S. army, vietnam in the 70's. Divorced, remarried to someone who does not have strong family ties (he was used to being close to the family so he struggled with the family thing). Sharing in the hospic caretaking of my dad who passed in April 2005, then bringing our other brother home on hospice in November 2005 and passed from Cancer, then bringing our mother home on hospice who passed away on May 14, 2008 and now nearly two years later, he is gone too.....

I share this with all of you because al has just a deceptive method of slithing into our lives and staying there. Working hard in our minds to make us think, everything is okay, we are not that bad, drinking is okay, I feel bad for 1 or 2 days but then I am back ~ all the while al is working on killing us from the inside out ~ and that my friends is the harsh truth about AL. My hope is that the realization will become openly obvious that we who are alcoholics must not fool ourselves of the damage of AL, the deceit of AL and we must hold on the fact that we CAN fight back.......

Awareness, Courage, Strength and Prayers to each and every one of you.......

~db

[DiscoBunnie]

Can't get past 48 hours

....~ Rest in Peace my dear brother, I hope you don't mind me sharing our story. I know your kind heart and spirit of always being the 'helper" would want this story shared, especially if it would turn things around for one or one million people.
....~ You are in a better place, this I know and I take comfort in knowing that you are no longer in pain, and that you are reunited with those of us who have gone before me.
..~ Pray for me and for all those who struggle with al and know that you are in my thoughts and I love you.. always have, always will ... =0) your little sister.

[Guest]

Can't get past 48 hours

DB

Thanks for sharing that with us. AL is so much a family illness. You are sounding much stronger these days too.

Uk x

[Panno]

Can't get past 48 hours

Thank you for sharing Disco Bunnie I'm so sorry for your loss :l

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

Can't get past 48 hours

Disco Bunnie I am very sorry for the loss of your beloved brother. It must have been hard for you to write so personally about him as you did, but if it saves just one person it will have been worth it. It has certainly made me think again. RIP.
Thank you for sharing and I wish you all the best in the future.
Keep safe
KTAB

[mario]

Can't get past 48 hours

Disco bunnie sorry for your loss, may he rest in peace.