Can't get past 48 hours

[Guest]

Can't get past 48 hours

Anyway I'm on day 4 now - got my days of the week wrong it was around 2am Tuesday morning I stopped. Spent Tuesday getting over the sickness etc then Wednesday hiding in my bed depressed. Thursday from about 2pm onwards was much better, got to my counsellor and we are doing this together. Today my day fell to bits and I could have easily stomped off to the pub but I've kept busy, had my nails done, bought some good food etc etc.

Here in the UK we have a double Bank Holiday and this is a bad time since I know traditionally there will be lots of people hitting the pubs and getting spannered. Well it's in our culture to do that. Living next to a pub isn't making this easy but as long as I don't go in it, then I'll be fine - or the off licence down the road!!!

[DiscoBunnie]

Can't get past 48 hours

I caved in on Friday night. It was by far the worst I have had in years. I'm visiting my sister in Seattle from L.A. I got caught up with the drinking on Friday night at my sisters house. Somehow we ended up going to a bar, came back to my sisters, one of my siters boyfriends, friends couldn't drive home. He ended up sleeping on the bed that I was in. My son saw it, he is 19. He is so angry. He won't talk to me. (I should say here that my ex-husband and I are in the process of getting back together after 10 years divorced) My son is so angry with me, I know he must feel repulsed by the sight of me. I feel repulsed by the sight of me. I don't why I caved in so badly, I feel like I deserve to be dead. What good am I doing to my son, my ex-husband and my two daughters with this type of behavior?? ... I have tried the supplements, they don't work, the kudzu did not take my cravings away, the mornings of death warmed over hangover are not soon forgotten after 48 hours and I cave. I always cave.... Even though it is daytime, the world around me feels dark, like I have alcohol demons laughing in my face right now as if to say, "you thought you could get rid of us?" and look what happened, I have hurt my son so deeply. He will never forget this. I apoligized to him and he said, he didn't want to talk to me. He just wants to fly home. We are flying home on Monday, I am lost, I am broken, I am a horrible person. I have to go attend a family gathering for Easter, so physically I will be somewhere, mentally I will be here, in the darkness.... has anyone been here? please help me.....

[Doggygirl]

Can't get past 48 hours

Disco, I am sad to read of your bad experience. It's sad that any of us put ourselves through the things we do in the name of alcohol and thinking that "this time will be different." In reality, things just get worse and worse.

Is going into an inpatient (or even outpatient) treatment situation an option for you? Is AA something you have tried? Have you considered any of the prescription drug programs? If what you are doing isn't working, then you have to try something different. Doing the same things will get you the same results you've always got, except that with alcohol the consequences seem to get progressively worse.

The supplements do not necessarily make it "easy" to not drink, at least they didn't for me. They helped take a little of the edge off, but it was still a lot of work. Also, I could NOT put myself into drinking situations early on. I still don't LIKE drinking situations and avoid them wherever possible. My sobriety is just too precious to risk.

What lengths are you willing to go to? What is your plan for staying sober today?

DG

[4MyHealth]

Can't get past 48 hours

Disco,
Sorry that you're feeling down. Try not to beat yourself up about it. You can't change what happened. You can control what happens today and tomorrow. Keep taking the supplements. Make a promise to yourself. Get a prescription. Give it time to work. You are worth it. Your kids are worth it. Your relationships are worth it. Your life is worth it.

[DiscoBunnie]

Can't get past 48 hours

Hi DG,

Thank you for your reply. You are right, I do need a plan. A plan different from what I have been doing. I'm going to order medications, the topamax scared me a little since I have read the side effects can be a loopy mind, and believe me, I don't need any help making my mind loopy! I guess I can risk the loopy mind vs the alcohol effects.

I just talked to my sister, sometimes they down play things and make it not seem so bad. But I know Friday night was pretty bad. Thank you DG, it is time to make a plan. I need to be sober at any cost.

thank you so much DG...

[DiscoBunnie]

Can't get past 48 hours

Thank you 4MyHealth,

you are right, I can control, today, and tomorrow. thank you for your thoughts and encouragement. I love this sight! =) I'm going to post every single day!

DB

[Guest]

Can't get past 48 hours

Just keep trying - something my Dr told me, one day it will work and don't worry Kudzu didn't work for me either. I think you just have to get to a point where you are able to do this.

[Doggygirl]

Can't get past 48 hours

Discobunny, here is my own sobriety plan. Yes, I happily do things each and every day that I find to be positive for staying sober. I LOVE my sober life enough to make these things a priority.

What ends up being a successful sobriety plan for YOU might be similar, or might be completely different. But this is an example of a plan that is working for one person. (me)

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f1...lan-41280.html

It looks like a lot of work. It's routine for me though, and frankly I enjoy most if not all of it. Getting sober IS a lot of work. If it was easy, there would be no need for My Way Out, AA, Rational Recovery, SMART Recovery, Alan Carr's Easy to Stop Drinking, Women for Sobriety, etc. etc.

Make every day count. Strength and hope to you! If I can, you can.

DG

[DiscoBunnie]

Can't get past 48 hours

Thank you everyone for your support.

UK~ I think I was expecting some miraculous cure for alcohol cravings from the kudzu. So has your doc's advise come to pass for you? I have been waiting for 10 years for my "one day it will work"....

DG ~ I really want to be where you are at, I know I really want sobriety, but one thing you said in another thread is very much the truth about me right now " I feel DEPRIVED that I cannot drink". I feel like I am being punished... It is Day 3 today, but I do not feel a sense of accomplishment, still mourning over Friday night and my son is still so angry with me, I am not sure where this is going to lead with him. I'm not sure I deserve all of his anger ( I know I deserve some of it...) I am not sure of anything right now. I can't get out of this slump.... I amflying home from Seattle later this afternoon, it will be good to get home and get lost back in work, its also a scary thought..... I feel like I am floating in some far off land and I don't know where I will land...

[Doggygirl]

Can't get past 48 hours

Hi Discobunny. I can SO relate to some of what you are feeling right now. It may not even be something you are aware of. Just something in your post reminds me of...me.

* I felt deprived because I "couldn't" drink (well, you already know I relate to that!)

What this REALLY meant in my case was that I had not totally surrendered - as in totally accepted that I cannot safely drink, ever. NOT surrendering to this fact just prolonged my own personal misery (the deprived feelings, etc.) AND increased the risk that I would drink. I very viscious circle indeed.

* Pondering the people who were made at me over things I did / said while drinking.

I too would go OVER and OVER and OVER these things in my head. I would try to figure out how the other person was at LEAST a contributor, if not the CAUSE of the problem. What I was really doing was trying to twist around the incident as hard as I could to somehow justify my own behavior. (I have a RIGHT to drink! It's LEGAL! My life is STRESSFUL! I DESERVE to unwind and DRINK! And have a little FUN!) It has taken me time and sobriety to understand how twisted my thinking really was, and to just own up to the crappy things I did. I have (with guideance and input) made verbal amends with many people - that has been a healthy and healing process for me. But the VERY BEST amend I can make with anyone, including myself, is to live right going forward.

* I wanted to fix things NOW!!!

If I did wrong when drinking and even owned up to doing wrong, I wanted to say I'm sorry, and REALLY mean it, and put the past behind us RIGHT NOW and move on like nothing bad ever happened. Unfortunately, that's usually just not the way life and relationships work. I can't drink and behave badly over and over and over, and then just get away with a meager "I'm sorry - I won't do it again" and then do it again, and have that all work. It has taken me awhile to stop my own pity party, cut the crap, put myself in the other person's shoes, and see it from their perspective.

The good news is that I'm sure your son is among your biggest fans in terms of rooting for you to get sober and fly right. I suspect this might be a time when your actions (not drinking, and sticking to that for some duration of time) will work whereas words right now might not. (of course I am only guessing as far as this stuff might be true with you - I can only speak with certainty about my own life)

Here is a quote that I like.

I didn't always have problems every time I drank. But every time I had problems, alcohol was involved.

That was pretty darn true in my life, and WOW it's nice to not have quite so many uneccessary problems of my own creation any more.

Strength and hope to you. One thing is for sure, I KNOW you can go more than 48 hours without drinking. So just do it, OK?

DG

[Doggygirl]

Can't get past 48 hours

Oh - one other thing. You CAN get where I'm at. Do it one day at a time. By then I will hopefully be where somebody else is at on the path in front of me, and then we can all keep chasing each other on the road to sober heaven.

DG

[DiscoBunnie]

Can't get past 48 hours

DG, you are so smart! I love your honesty.... your thoughts are so right on they make me cringe a little (in a good way!) ~ you are right, my twisted thinking is trying to tell me that I have stress and I deserve to drink and everyone around me should be understanding to that~ thank you for making me think and keeping me on track.

I am just getting home from Seattle, I am going to bed to keep myself from drinking... thank you DG

DB

[Guest]

Can't get past 48 hours

DB

There is no miracle cure for AL or any other addiction, if there were there wouldn't be so many suffering out there. I've tried most things including shelling out ?16k on private detox/rehab and have been doing this for 7 years. I now firmly believe change comes from within - you really have to hate AL and want life.

I think what my Dr says is right and I'm hoping it will be true this time. Only you can do this and it has to be in small steps. I no longer feel deprived because for the last year or so I've not had any pleasure nor escape via alcohol, all I've had is feeling yucky right from the first sip. One thing I'd suggest is don't think about the weeks and months without a drink, concentrate on living life now this minute. Oh and it does get easier.

[DiscoBunnie]

Can't get past 48 hours

UK, I know your right, there is no miracle cure for addiction. I've always known that, but somehow I was always searching for something that would take the cravings away entirely and forever. I am begining to see that this takes work, as you said, it is something that has to come from within. I had always thought I was fighting this alcohol addiction from within. I too have bought everything under the sun and the moon to try to fight these cravings, I have gone to AA, but that was not for me, I have pleaded with God, I have made empty promises to myself ....

If I could just get past the mind game of feeling deprived. I know I will not drink today because I couldn't sleep last night and so I drank until 1AM and finally fell asleep - only to wake up feeling like crap but at least with a renewed sense of wanting to quit ~ from within...

I think I am rambling .... I am sober though! =0) I will not think about the weeks and months, I will concentrate on one day at a time.

Though I would like to ask how do we fight the craving? You know that one that comes on so strong and its seem like there is some sort of warfare going on in my head?? I wait it out, and try to talk myself out of it but half the time I lose the battle....

DB

[Doggygirl]

Can't get past 48 hours

DB, dealing with cravings is right at the heart of things. There are some practical things like putting powdered form L-Glutamine under your tongue. I'm trying to recall if you have been taking all the supplements recommended in the My Way Out program? They weren't magic for me, but they helped take the edge off.

A list of things to do was my friend. My cravings early on were mind bending. I couldn't even think straight. Having a written list was helpful. I could whip it out and pick something to do. Being ACTIVE and doing things, especially when a craving hit was key for me. Did you read the post with the story about "Don't Stare At the Marshmallow?" There was an experiment with 4 year olds. They were presented with one Marshmallow and told they could either eat that one, or wait until the adult came back. If the first one was still there, they could then have a second one and eat both.

The kids who stared at the marshmallow ultimately succumbed and ate it. The kids who were successful waiting for the adult to return, and ultimately getting two marshmallows were the kids who distracted themselves doing something else.

I read somewhere that ACTIVE activities (i.e. going for a walk) are more effective at reducing the intensity of a craving than PASSIVE activites (i.e. reading). Just something to consider.

Cravings do get fewer and less intense with time. So my continuing to drink, you are making it harder on yourself by prolonging this early time. Hopefully, another motivating reason to NOT DRINK TODAY!

I went to a Michael's craft store today. I haven't been inside one of those in years. Holy Moly if anyone is starving for a new hobby, head to Michaels! I'm seriously going to see if I can get some books on jewelry making from the library. OK - now I'm babbling.

DG