Please encourage me...

[someone_else]

Hi all,

I was going to title this "Repeated failure" but though it would be better to see something else when I get responses, which I hope I do...

I have a fear that you are all tired of reading about my repeated screwups and how I can't get it together.

I feel so stupid. Yesterday I did everything, meditated, supplements, etc., and still, overdid it. I had one glass of wine in the early afternoon, then decided to open another bottle later in the afternoon. After a couple glasses I didn't feel anything, so I had another one. Then another one, and well, the bottle was almost gone so I finished it. Then I had two glasses of port.

What I'm going to do is abstain for a week (at least), then maybe I can try again and do a better job. I need to get my tolerance down. The problem is, I'm afraid I'll lose my motivation again later today.

But today is a good day to start because I'm babysitting in the afternoon, then this evening my husband comes home from a business trip and he hates it when I drink. He drinks socially, but that's kind of another story.

So, today is Day 1...thanks in advance...

[someone_else]

Please encourage me...

Oh, I wanted to add that I don't think I really have the option of medication...too expensive without a prescription, and if I try to get a prescription, they will try to make me go to rehab again, which I hate, and I would have to pay a babysitter, which I don't have the money for...I think I need to do something in my own mind somehow...

I read someone takes megadoses of L-Glut, maybe I'll try that. I need to not start in the first place, thinking I can control it.

[Guest]

Please encourage me...

Some one,
No one is tired of hearing that you had a step back, thats all it is. We have all had those step backs. The main thing is that you keep pushing forward. I do not know a lot about the Supps but I am sure you will get some great advice. Two things I suggest though - (1) do not have that first drink - it will do you in everytime. (2) Dont try to moderate - I have read too many posts where people get a good amount of time under their belt and think they can mod but end up in the same trap.
You will learn one day that there is no reason in the world to feel that you "deserve" a drink. What you deserve is to live your life to your full ptential.
good luck

[KateH1]

Please encourage me...

It sounds like your intention is to moderate. From my experience, moderating is a slippery slope for most of us and it usually leads to perpetual over doing it. But, if moderating is your plan, the mwo book suggests no less than 30 Days AF before attempting to moderate. Even then it is suggested that you not drink daily, but rather only a couple of times a week and only 1 or 2 drinks even then.

If one month AF seems daunting to you, then perhaps moderating will not work for you and it is time to get honest with yourself and consider just not drinking at all.

Best Wishes,
Kate

[Doggygirl]

Please encourage me...

Someone else, if this were easy, the world wouldn't need MWO, AA, Rational Recovery, SMART Recovery, Alan Carr's Easy Way to quit anything, etc. Honesty is SO important and you are doing yourself a favor by being honest here! That's the only way to get meaningful feedback.

It seems that my thoughts were very similar to Hoping's. Most of us who are problem drinkers (or whatever you like to call it...personally, I'm an alcoholic) cannot ever safely moderate our drinking. I know I can't. Have you really assessed your situation and drinking history to come up with a realistic answer to the "can I mod" question?

If you are following the My Way Out recommendations, and are still not having any success with moderation, it might be time to hang up those AL dancin' shoes.

The best day of my life was the day I finally accepted, once and for all, that I will NEVER be able to drink safely. If I take the first one, who knows what will happen. But the chances are very high that it won't be good.

Strength and hope to you,

DG

[Doggygirl]

Please encourage me...

Hi Kate. Cross posted! I don't know if our minds are very great, but it seems we all think alike anyway.

DG

[KateH1]

Please encourage me...

Ha! Ha! I think I will accept "Great Minds Thing Alike, DG!"
K

[someone_else]

Please encourage me...

Thanks for your kindness, all. It seems like I should have an answer by now, I've been struggling with this for so long. I did make it to 50 days once and then started having an occasional drink but it escalated. (again.) That was before I found MWO. It's weird, sometimes I just forget all the guidelines. Maybe if I do 30 days and then try again and try to be more sensible, it will work. Or not. It is quite possible I'm kidding myself. Let's see, drinking history...every time I have tried to mod I have failed. I lose sight of the recommendations, rebel and overdo it. It might not be possible to moderate. I'm starting to ramble here, but I guess it's a desire to be "normal"? To be able to have a glass of wine with my husband, or friends, that sort of thing. But that's not what I was doing. Drinking a bottle of wine or 6-8 beers at home alone with my 6-year-old daughter...that's bad on so many levels. Having the idea of "moderation" in my head seems to open the door to returning to that process. I try to put the concept of "occasional" in my head instead, but then I get stressed out over something and the cravings return, I try to just stop at a couple, sometimes I do, sometimes, or more often, I don't. The negatives are definitely outweighing the positives! I'm still clinging to the thought of occasional social drinking, like once or twice a month have one or two drinks - maybe I can do that. Of course, unfortunately we have plans this Sunday to have some friends over for dinner, and of course, wine. Maybe I could just nurse one glass and get right back on the wagon.

[Doggygirl]

Please encourage me...

Someone, I understand that thinking because I rode that roller coaster for years. Long before I came here. I knew I had a big problem but tried again and again and again to "control it" because I didn't want to face that giving it up was my only option. I thought my life would suck the big one if I "couldn't" drink.

Getting through that first few months, and to a lesser degree the rest of that first year was tough. But now I'm free. Do you want to be AL's prisoner, beating your head against the "just one" wall forever until it kills you? Or would you rather suffer for a short time and then be free?

You don't need AL to socialize and enjoy your friends. Lots of people socialize and enjoy friends without AL. It just doesn't seem like that right now.

I hope you choose freedom. It doesn't sound to me like moderation attempts will ever set you free.

DG

[someone_else]

Please encourage me...

you are probably right, DG!

Thanks again...I'll check in...I feel more motivated this time. No drinking today. Tomorrow I'm having lunch with my dad and stepmom, and usually I have a beer, (and then want to continue later!) but I'm going to have a soda. The funny thing was, I got a coupon for a free soda with the lunch buffet at the local pizza place. Like it was a sign...Anyway, I think I'll be able to hang in there, I'm a little concerned about Sunday, but I'll get through it, I guess.

[K9Lover]

Please encourage me...

Hi Someone!
I was reading your post and noticed that you've managed to put 50+ AF days together in the past. How were you able to do that? I know, for me, moderation is not an option. I don't want ONE beer, I want TWELVE. I too, have been struggling for years. What's working for me this time is the medication Antabuse. I know you mentioned that you can't go on meds because of various reasons. Is there any way to talk to a Doctor that would not automatically suggest rehab? I know taking medication is expensive, but not when compared to what we spend on alcohol. I am hoping the best for you! Please don't give up, think of your beautiful little girl. We are here for you!
K9

[Rusty]

Please encourage me...

Someone_else,

Here's something I've been doing, since my weight has gone WAY up since I've been drinking...I used to weigh 115 pounds...I went on the Internet and Googled "Celebrity Teetotalers." It gives a list of all the actors and actresses who are AF, either by choice or because they went into rehab. Anyway, I found all kinds of links about famous and BEAUTIFUL women who DON'T drink. If they drank, would they have the 60-lb. overweight body like mine? NOOOOOOOOOOOOO.......Their stories are inspirational, and I'll tell you.....I totally miss the compliments I used to get all the time about my shape and my clothes, etc.....and I haven't heard a compliment in a very long time. That's my motivation.

What this did for me is show me that BEAUTIFUL, FAMOUS people enjoy a life that is AF. We do NOT need it to enjoy our lives.

Just a thought!

Good luck and PM me if you need additional encouragement. I'm always here.

Rusty

[someone_else]

Please encourage me...

the 50 days

K9Lover;834961 wrote: Hi Someone!
I was reading your post and noticed that you've managed to put 50+ AF days together in the past. How were you able to do that? I know, for me, moderation is not an option. I don't want ONE beer, I want TWELVE. I too, have been struggling for years. What's working for me this time is the medication Antabuse. I know you mentioned that you can't go on meds because of various reasons. Is there any way to talk to a Doctor that would not automatically suggest rehab? I know taking medication is expensive, but not when compared to what we spend on alcohol. I am hoping the best for you! Please don't give up, think of your beautiful little girl. We are here for you!
K9

Thanks for your encouragement!! It is so comforting.

Well, I was in an outpatient rehab thing that met two hours a day, 5 days a week, for a couple of weeks. I had to quit because of the childcare expense, and also because I got kind of sick of it. The rest of the 50 days I just did on my own.

I'm not sure about the meds...I'll think about it

I think when I started trying to drink occasionally again, I didn't have a solid enough plan in mind. It was before I joined MWO. And, I have not followed the MWO advice of starting off with 30 days AF. 6 months later, it's time to finally do that. I think my goal would be like, 95% sobriety, and not thinking, "I can never drink again!" because I just find that concept overwhelming...but maybe at some point I'll be ready to accept 100%. I have to find other ways to deal with stress. And remind myself that, most of the time, I don't drink, and it's just not an option. Avoid that first one.

Sunday at our little dinner party maybe I'll have half a glass. I'm motivated now, but it's only 9am here in CA. I have to keep it going when it gets to the afternoon witching hour. I know, that at the end of an AF day I feel so good, but then I forget...I need to remember.

[someone_else]

Please encourage me...

Thanks, Rusty, I will look at the celebrity teetotalers

[someone_else]

Please encourage me...

Good news, sort of...I "only" had one glass of port. I found the second one and poured it back in the bottle - I know that sounds kind of gross but I figure the AL killed any germs, and now the bottle has a decent amount left in case my husband wants some. Weird, I know...

I'm grateful to have another day and another chance to do things differently. Time for a new way of life.