ButterflyBe,
From Noon until 5 PM, I become rigid for a drink, blind with obsession and if I go out, my car seems to pull in for just 'one' drink. I got no assurances for myself...I've 'quit' many times. Lately though, I've found the next day that I'd eat junk food in the blacked-out, unreal reality of the alcohol. I feel like fat, bloated, you know what. My stomach is all torn up and I wake up with horrid heartburn and no idea what I ate. I am WILLING to stay in bed again during this time to just let the minutes pass; I am willing to risk doing my best to get sober again.
The other day I must've lapsed in putting the hand-brake on in my car and it rolled and hit a parked car. What scared me is not knowing the next morning if I'd dreamed the event, or if it really happened. Then, I found out that I did all the notifications, insurance filing, and photographing of damage and had no memory of doing all these 'right' things.
What times of the day, circumstances or inner beliefs are sabotaging your desire to get sober, or do you feel the desire to stop is lacking?
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