how to deal with the shame

[someone who needs to quit]

I have been trying to cut back forever now. I drink less frequently than I used to but I still get rip roaring drunk when I do drink. I'm sick of feeling like an asshole and I know if I don't stop I'm going to wreck my vehicle possibly with my children in tow. God I suck!
One of my big things is that because I've done some really stupid stuff on alcohol people who know me often mention these stupid things. So then I think well why quit drinking because everyone will always see me as drunk. I know others are in the same predicament, how do you deal with this?
also has anyone had any luck sticking to a drink limit? or is it better to just quit altogether? what are some effective rewards you all have used to reinforce your non-drinking behavior?
This is going to be rough and I also need to address my smoking while drinking habit as well. Has anyone used herbal supplements or any kind of medication that has assisted with the mood swings associated with quitting. I don't want to take things out on my kids because I'm moody.
Thanks so much for being there

[Coco-Nut]

how to deal with the shame

someone who needs to quit;855092 wrote: I have been trying to cut back forever now. I drink less frequently than I used to but I still get rip roaring drunk when I do drink. I'm sick of feeling like an asshole and I know if I don't stop I'm going to wreck my vehicle possibly with my children in tow. God I suck!
One of my big things is that because I've done some really stupid stuff on alcohol people who know me often mention these stupid things. So then I think well why quit drinking because everyone will always see me as drunk. I know others are in the same predicament, how do you deal with this?
also has anyone had any luck sticking to a drink limit? or is it better to just quit altogether? what are some effective rewards you all have used to reinforce your non-drinking behavior?
This is going to be rough and I also need to address my smoking while drinking habit as well. Has anyone used herbal supplements or any kind of medication that has assisted with the mood swings associated with quitting. I don't want to take things out on my kids because I'm moody.
Thanks so much for being there

Hi Someone - Welcome:welcome::welcome::welcome:

Many people will tell you a drink limit doesn't work for them (myself included). Also the prevailing advice here is to do a 30-day abstention straight away. Moderating seems to work for some people but the 30 days is recommended before even attempting to moderate.

My thought on the smoking issue is that it's too difficult to tackle everything at once. But that's just me.

I'd suggest you go to the Newbies Nest thread in Just Starting Out. Lots of understanding and support here - and I'm sure shortly others will be along to greet you and offer plenty of advice and encouragement. Once again, welcome!

[Guest]

how to deal with the shame

Welcome and well done on your first post here. You are in a very good place, lots of support here and of course the infamous Tool Box - I seem to have my own collected over the years and years I've been trying to sort my drinking out.

Most people find moderating doesn't work and most scientific studies bear this out. Basically every drink even if controlled is setting your brain up to go bananas whether now or a few days/weeks down the line.

Dealing with the shame?Well many of our friends use shame as a way of saying they are worried - yep a laugh or two covers up their real feelings, whilst others use it as a way of hiding their own drinking habits. Doesn't matter which of the two yours fall into but what does matter is your drinking and your sobriety. If you get sober that shame will dissolve, it won't be immediate but eventually once the effects wear off you will feel better about yourself and of course people's memories will fade and forget.

So get comfy read info on here and keep posting.

Oops forgot about the moods - whilst there are supps and meds out there a lot comes from within. Your success with stopping drinking also takes an attitude change, looking after yourself too. This means taking one day at a time (ODAT) and not letting things get to you. Sound silly?Well last night I took to my bed as something majorly could have gotten to me and driven me back to the drink. So I said "Time out" to the world and kept things simple.

[mario]

how to deal with the shame

hi someone, just like to say welcome to our community, cant add much more than what coco nut or uk blonde has said, give yourself a chance,This can be beaten,read as many posts as you can and post your own thoughts and feelings,hope you stick around.

[K9Lover]

how to deal with the shame

Hi Someone...welcome!
I personally cannot limit my drinks, I found that the only thing that works for me is completely abstaining. Some people on this forum do experience success with moderation though, it definitely varies by individual. And I can relate to your feelings of shame as well, I did many, many embarrasing things while drunk...BUT, that is in the past and all we can do from here is move on. So again, welcome to this site, it is a great place full of support and advice. We won't judge you, we'll just help you along when you need us. Stick around and post often! I'm looking forward to getting to know you.
xoxo
K9

[wannachange]

how to deal with the shame

Hey Someone who needs to quit, Very happy you could make it and to type all that took a bit of courage, most of us are in the same boat with this drinking problem, I am on 9 days now Alcohol free (its called AF here) and this is day 1 nicotine free (NF), it is easily done here - all you need is an open mind and heart and go with the flow, log on daily have a look around especially in the newbie section and when you are ready with a plan for yourself - well let us know and you will be sure to get all the help and support you need.

[sunshinedaisies]

how to deal with the shame

Hi Someone - welcome to the site - it is a wonderful place to be and you will get SO MUCH help and support here. I am AF and have been since beginning of jan - I used meds to quit both drinking and smoking almost at the same time - AL beginning of Jan, smoking three weeks later. There is very little that you can say that you have done, that would shock anyone here - pretty much someone here will have been there or done that. No-one here will judge you - we are all here to help and to cheer you on. Read posts, ask questions, get a plan - welcome again! Great to see you here.

sunshinedaisies

[sunshinedaisies]

how to deal with the shame

Hey Wannachange - go you for also going NF too so soon after going AF - well done!!!

sunshinedaisies

[johnnyh]

how to deal with the shame

Hi Someone.

Welcome to MWO. You got to figure out a lot of stuff for yourself, reading and posting here can help you on this course of self discvovery. I too as so many here cannot moderate. I didn't drink for 3 months last year and the minute I had one drink I was back to drinking with a vengeance. It took me 9 more months to stop the train rolling again. Lesson learned. An expensive lesson and a lot of time wasted but would I have known otherwise? Take everythin in life as an experience that will teach you something. What was it all about? We'll all only know one day for sure.
I recommend you reading up in the meds section on supplements. Here too we're all different. Antabuse has helped me a whole lot. Many prefer others.

But most importantly I wish you a good journey. Take it one day at a time.

[daybyday]

how to deal with the shame

:welcome: Welcome Someone, you have come to a great place to get the answers you need. I can not moderate my drinking either as others have previously said so I have chosen to be AF. Too many blackouts and shameful moments and one drink just leads to more for me so that is my way now. This journey is new for me too but this has definitely been the best place for me to come to get support. Keep posting!

[Rags]

how to deal with the shame

Hi Someone,
Most of the others have said what I was going to, and Spam is right about staying in the present.. it's all we have
We so often keep setting ourselves up for failure, and when we do, we say to ourselves "see I knew it wouldn't work'... so we keep going round in the same cycle. Our thoughts and words affect our circumstamnces, and we do what we keep telling ourselves to do. So we need to change those patterns. As you gradually change the way you think and talk about yourself, your self image will also change, thought patterns, your life will change too. Expect to achieve, and you will.
Enjoy the journey!

[grangelady]

how to deal with the shame

Hi Someone and welcome,

I am relatively new to this site but I wanted to say that the help and advice you'll get here is the best. The people here are all in the same boat and are either on the other side and living successfully AF or moderating or are embarking as we are on the journey to stop or control our drinking.
I read the My Way Out book first and then found this site, I decided to do down the medication and supplement route but after 6 days I was feeling down as I wasn't controlling my drinking as I thought the meds/supps were going to.... but having read the many postings here I got some good advice about changing the dosage and timings from people that had moved away from the book's guidelines and found things that worked for them.

Now 2 days after slightly changing dosage, I'm AF for the last 2 days with little craving - a word of warning though the meds/supps are NOT magic pills there IS definately a certain amount of self control required not much but you have to say to yourself I'm not going to give in and mean it, then the craving somehow does pass.

I wish you well in your recovery, as I said I find to log onto the forum each day sometimes twice a day, is really useful, especially in the evenings when I would normally crack open a bottle of wine, it focuses me to read others peoples successes and words of encouragement...:l

[savon19]

how to deal with the shame

Hi Someone -

If you think about it, one of the BIG triggers to smoke is having a drink! Maybe it's the Biggest. So when I Finally decided to quit smoking, I quit drinking for a couple months - to be honest, not because I wanted to stop drinking so much as I didn't want to blow quitting smoking!

So while many say it's too hard to do both at once, it's "easier" to quit smoking if you don't drink! I should add that I'm STILL quit smoking (working on 5 mos.!!)... but I have gone back to drinking. Keeping it pretty moderate, but have "let loose" a few times on the weekend.

But now I'm stronger about smoking... If I had let loose those first few weeks of quitting smoking??? I'm quite sure I would've run out to buy cigs. Let's face it, when drinking, your resolve isn't so good!

I'm back to working - since end of March - so unable to drink during day as I once used to! I keep it to 1-2 drinks at night, but I need to get my weekend binging under control... What a waste! I have a feeling it's going to be back to ZERO drinking.

Sorry - didn't mean to talk so much about ME. I definitely know what you mean about what other people "probably" think about you. I've burned a lot of bridges due to drinking...

Could you say to these people who bring it up something like: "I'm really trying to make some positive changes in my life right now, and I wish you wouldn't focus on some of the negative things that happened in the past."

I know, that's kinda Hokey!! Sounds like you just talked to a shrink!! :H

Maybe just change the subject??!

[Road to Recovery]

how to deal with the shame

Savon,
I find that if you dont feed the conversation, it will eventually go away.
good luck

[someone who needs to quit]

how to deal with the shame

Thanks for the support everybody! I've been AF and SF for three days now. I just keep coming back and reading it reassures me. It seems like there's always so much time for self reflection when you're sober. I am trying to learn to keep my promises even to myself. It just seems like with alcohol its so much easier to say screw it and do exactly what you said you weren't going to do "sigh".
Thanks again everyone!