Help! ex being abusive yet again..

[KatieB]

I'm sorry for starting yet another thread in a short space of time but I am feeling incredibly vulnerable right now..
My ex just turned to pick up our son, (which was in a public place) - yet he said he was going to go for full custody and ensure I never see our son again, that he has another woman that is going to be my son's mother, and that I am useless basically.. all in front of our son!
I am in tears, shaking and so upset right now.. I am in danger of buying AL and self-harming.. which I havent done for 18 months! (the self-harming that is) but my ex knows just what to say to me.. its psychological torture that the police never do anything about.. as my ex is crafty and manipulates them every time I make a complaint.. Help me please???:upset:

[daybyday]

Help! ex being abusive yet again..

Hi Katie, is there anyone you can call right now to be with you?

[daybyday]

Help! ex being abusive yet again..

Hey Katie, If you are there, I'd love to talk to you.

[KatieB]

Help! ex being abusive yet again..

hi daybyday,

No-one is available right now.. thats why i came on here

[daybyday]

Help! ex being abusive yet again..

How are you doing right now? Are you going to be ok? Sounds like you got put through a lot more pain today.

[KatieB]

Help! ex being abusive yet again..

i know.. the pain my ex puts me through is never-ending.. thats why i wanted him in jail so i wouldnt have to deal with this!
I have blocked his text messages.. i have a friend who is going to be with me when he drops my son back tomorrow.. so hopefully he wont have the guts to say anything nasty (my friend is actually a female friends' partner who is 6ft tall!) - as my ex is a total coward when it comes to the crunch.. as any man who hits a woman usually is..

[daybyday]

Help! ex being abusive yet again..

Hey Katie, I wish I had words to make what you are feeling go away right now. I know how hard it is when you are fighting something or someone and you feel you have lost all control over your life. You probably feel like a caged animal right now ready to explode after what you went through today.

[daybyday]

Help! ex being abusive yet again..

That's great you will have someone there tomorrow. Yes, he sounds like a definite coward and I'm sure he may just back down for good when your 6 ft friend is there. See, you found another solution already to this problem, you really are doing good girl! As angry and upset as you are, you are showing real strength of taking your life back. Don't let the bastard get you down.

[KatieB]

Help! ex being abusive yet again..

Thank you daybyday,
I just hate dealing with him.. i met him at a time in my life when i thought i had no-one and had no choice.. but I am not that person anymore! i am feeling more positive already.. its amazing how quickly I can rebound from these "upsets" now.. in the past I would have just sunk deeper and deeper into myself.. my therapist has worked wonders.. my mind and self-esteem have improved alot, and I am so much more resiliant than I used to be.. I have no more thoughts of self-harm.. thank you again,
Katie xxx

[AMELIA]

Help! ex being abusive yet again..

Hi Katie,
Good to read your last post. You sound like you have worked the situation through in your head and you are more positive now. You have taken control of the situation by arranging to have some support when you next see your ex. Be strong for you and your son. Don't give your ex any ammunition (so to speak), by drinking etc. Keep going, you are doing really well. xx

[Change]

Help! ex being abusive yet again..

Hi Katie,

Your ex sounds like a coward. It is a good idea to have somebody with you each time you meet with him to drop off or pick up your son. I don't see that he would get sole custody. He would have to prove that you are an incompetent mother on many levels. If you are providing a home for your son, a roof over his head and are taking care of his needs, i don't see how the ex could do this. Now's about time to look into your ex's past. Don't say anything now, but think about what he's done. Does he have a history of violence towards woman? Just think about things that would make him an incompetent 'father'. Eg, does he have a job? What sort of income does he earn, what sort of living environment could he provide for a child?

I wouldn't worry about the stuff he says about another woman taking over the role etc. A COURT WOULD NOT RECOGNIZE THAT!

You are eventually going to have to learn to ignore this man. Why are you letting him get to you? Who cares what he says, one person's "opinion" does not mean the truth.

Here's an idea for you: buy an exercise book and START DOCUMENTING everything he says. Backdate it if you have to. Just enter the date and an EXACT account of what he said or did. Time to get 'smart' woman!

[Matho61]

Help! ex being abusive yet again..

Katie,
It sounds like he sets out deliberately to upset you every time he possibly can. Next time he starts his cowardly verbal crap, just think thats all it is, "WORDS ONLY". He CANNOT stop you seeing your son. YOU are NOT useless, he's the one thats the lowlife thats trying to upset you..In front of your son of all things. I know violence is not the answer but if I was there it would give me great pleasure in smashing his fat head in for you.

[Panno]

Help! ex being abusive yet again..

Hi Katie

Well done for reversing your thoughts quickly. In time its bound to get easier with the more positive thinking you do. As Change said if you can its better to have someone with you each time he picks your son up. Big hugs to you, stay strong you can do it. I was once told when somebody is harrasing you face to face blank out their words and just say to yourself F.. off F.. off or picture them in the most stupidiest way possible, like putting a bugs bunny face on them, big ears, big teeth - anything that will blank out their words because you dont need to listen to all his verbal crap. Take care :h

[girly wirly]

Help! ex being abusive yet again..

hi honey

well done for not doing the obvious. that's just playing right into his hands sweetheart!

remember: sticks and stones will break my bones, but words can never hurt me.

record everything this man say and does to you katie. every remark, every bad action. then, when he steps out of line again and goes way too far, you can present your journal to the police. or it could be used in court possibly.
it's always in a court's best interests that a child stays with its mother, unless there are deviating circumsances. if you stay sober and don't harm yourself, then there are no deviating circumstances. you are taking care of your son. period.

get company every time you have to meet with him. i can't believe how strong you've been coming straight here katie. it shows you are getting stronger. you are winning honey, even if you don't realise it. to be as vunerable as you are now and fight is incredible. i don't care if you have to post a million threads while you are going through this. we are here for you! (oh and- read back, see how quickly you became strong after posting!)

sorry for rambling, i just really want to help.:l

[Guest]

Help! ex being abusive yet again..

Katie

He's doing it on purpose to hurt you and there is one thing you can do, that is ignore it. Yes what he is saying is hurtful and frightening - that's his whole point and he will revel in your reaction. If it were me I'd keep contact pretty cool, straight to the point. That way he will be seen as the nasty, shouting, rambling person and you as someone rational. Keep calm, take notes and just step back. Whilst I've never had children I have been in difficult and abusive relationships. I was never able to assert myself and ended up a gibbering wreck, which resulted in much more trouble for me i.e. I did look like that lunatic, drunk woman when I should have just stood back as well as stood my ground.

It's difficult to do BUT it works and will make you feel 100% better.