Need Help!!!

[red67]

I know my story is not different than the rest of you. I read your stories and I have all the answers for how you should fix your problems. You have so much to live for, you have a wonderful family, you will feel so much better when you quit, blah blah blah. Why then can't I quit? I have a great job and a wonderful little 8 year old girl who thinks I am a queen (she is not my daughter but close enough). This little girl is everything to me and wise beyond her years. Although I am not an out of control drinker she somehow knows something is wrong. She saw me today cleaning and as I picked up one of my liquor bottles to throw away she said "what are you doing put that down" - I couldn't believe it - she knew what it was and she knew I shouldn't have it. I am so full of regret and shame. I would never want this life for her yet I do it in front of her - although I thought she did not know. I am so sick of worrying all the time. I don't want to die young, I am always afriad of taking any meds because of how much I drink and how they will effect me, I can't imagine my life in any other way than how it is today and that is so depressing. I am so jealous of you who are able to do AF days - I haven't had one in 6 years. I am stuck!! I have been taking NAL but have to be off it right now for surgical reasons. I am so scared I am going to die and leave behind a broken hearted 8 year old! I guess I am rambling and I am sorry I just am so lost. God has blessed me with a wonderful life and I am ruining it. Thanks for listening - I know you can't fix me I have to do it. I just don't know how;(

[Rusty]

Need Help!!!

Hi Red,

Take a deep breath and relax.....your 8-year-old still loves you and that is surprising that she knows what a bottle of liquor looks like. I'm sure it was very embarrassing for you. Have hope....when you are past your surgical situation, perhaps you can try Antabuse? Several people here have had much luck on it. And with Antabuse, you don't have a choice, if you drink while you're on it you might end up in the ER.

As you know. I've been on NAL and BAC, and because of them, I have had many AF days in a row strung together. Maybe you feel the same way I did....I could not imagine that I couldn't drink for the rest of my life....it was way too overwhelming, and now I just take it one day at a time.....like everyone tells me to.

Put your plan together....and start with one AF day. Believe me, it really does get easier and we are all here to support you.

[red67]

Need Help!!!

Thanks Rusty! That is so great that you have so many AF days! Congrats!! I feel like there is a huge brick wall between me and an AF day. I look back and think how did I get here? I started drinking daily about 8 years ago and now I feel like its been my whole life. How did I let it get control of me? I hate AL but can't let it go. I compare it to an abusive boyfriend - it beats me up but as soon as I feel better I go right back. Why do I let this happen? This is no way to live

[patrice]

Need Help!!!

Hi Red.. you are not alone, i feel the same as you.. but have hope, everything is as it should be.. I am starting AF tomorrow after many long sorry months and years . Yes this is no way to live lets start undoing the damage and living again
x Patrice

[hazeleyes]

Need Help!!!

Hi Red 67

Thanks for sharing some of your story. Maybe you have begun because you clearly recognise where you need to be - i.e. AF.
You seem to have a strong focus on the negative, and how hard it is, and how long you have been drinking. This is not the pathway to success. Instead you need to focus on what you want, how you are going to get there, write down a step by step plan, write down why you are going to make this change. Write it out as a post and we can all support you on the way, if you want.
I can tell you it is possible to quit, no matter how long you have been drinking. One minute at a time, one hour at a time, and then one day at a time, you can achieve this goal for yourself.

Say after me ...I can do this, I will give up drinking, I am strong enough, I will succeed.
Say it over and over until it sticks.

You can do this

Be strong
Best wishes
Hazeleyes

[Rusty]

Need Help!!!

Red,

Hazel is right about writing down the plan and focusing on the negative is NOT the pathway to success. I felt the same way you did....I beat myself up because I let drinking control my life for 3 1/2 years and I look at myself and think, "How come I didn't see this coming?" and "Why did I let myself get this way?!" Now, my attitude is, I can't change the past, but I also have to change my thinking if I want these bad habits to go away.

I know you can do this....you really can. Alcoholism runs on both sides of my family. All 3 of my mom's sisters are alcoholics and her brother, too. I just figured I was doomed so hell, I'll throw in the towel and give up. Now I'm ready to fight. And you'll fight and beat this, too. I'm sending positive vibes your way.

[johnnyh]

Need Help!!!

Hi,

I have got this out of some AA periphenalia. This puts ODAT (one day at a time) in the best context.

Just for To-day I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle my whole life problem at once. I can do something for twelve hours that would appal me if I had to keep it up for a lifetime.

Please check out this thread I started in the General section. Hope you might find the discussion helpful?!

https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9...ink-43019.html

[Rusty]

Need Help!!!

Johnny,

This is excellent.....thanks for giving us the link to this. It's an inspiration to me.

[Brave Hearted]

Need Help!!!

Hi Red

thank you for joining us and sharing your story. Have you thought about tsking baclofen ? its helped many epoeple including myself and helps you live a 'normal' life. good luck to you

BH

[red67]

Need Help!!!

Thanks everyone for your replies/suggestions! I am going to write out a plan and keep faith that this will happen for me. I know I can't live like this anymore and I have to fight. I pray I have the strength to fight this. I need support and I will post here often. I have surgery on Wednesday and will be AF for this. I will work hard to keep this going and I hope you will all pray/support me going forward.

[red67]

Need Help!!!

Day 2 CAN NOT SLEEP I AM GOING TO GO CRAZY!!!!!!!!! I need to be able to sleep - how long will this last;((((((((((

[Doggygirl]

Need Help!!!

Hi Red. You need to hang in there and know that there is some discomfort involved in quitting, but FREEDOM from the prison of alcohol if you stick with it and quit. Compare the "pain" you might experience of a short stretch of sleepless nights with the pain and shame and guilt and remorse of continued drinking and what it is doing to your life and your little girl.

To get sober, I had to be willing to go to any length to do it. But it works.

Have you read the My Way Out book yet? Are you implementing any of the suggestions of the My Way Out program (supplements, exercise, diet, presription meds, hypnosis CD's)? Are you utlizing any other programs? Have you written out a plan?

Quitting isn't easy. If it were, we wouldn't need to be here. But it's worth it!

Just a suggestion. In your initial post, you say that your drinking is not out of control. Are you sure?

My own drinking was very much out of control long before I accepted that fact. We don't have to be homeless, drivers license-less, family-less before things are out of control.

Strength and hope to you....

DG

[Rusty]

Need Help!!!

Hi Red,

Don't give up. Listen to what Doggygirl is saying. When I quit drinking, I knew I would have trouble sleeping because I had used AL to sleep at night. DG suggested Advil PM (Thanks, Doggygirl! and it really does work. I sleep like a baby and wake up happy and refreshed.

The first two days of being AF are the worst....I speak from experience, and like DG said, I didn't even realize it was so out of control until my family confronted me 20 months ago. But that's how AL it....it is very sneaky....it creeps up on us and before we know it, it bites us in the *ss and doesn't let go.

I hope your surgery went well. Please let us know how you're doing.

[K9Lover]

Need Help!!!

Hi Red,
It WILL get easier, just please give it time. Have you ever tried guided relaxation? They sell them cheap on Amazon and you can download them to your MP3 player. Those really helped me in the beginning.
Also a nice long hot bath right before bed may help too. I know it's so frustrating not being able to sleep, but when you were drinking, you weren't getting good sleep then either. So please be patient and know that it does take a few days for your body to become accustomed to falling into sleep as opposed to passing out.
Please keep us updated on how you're doing.
K9

[red67]

Need Help!!!

"Have you read the My Way Out book yet? Are you implementing any of the suggestions of the My Way Out program (supplements, exercise, diet, presription meds, hypnosis CD's)? Are you utlizing any other programs? Have you written out a plan?"

I have read the My Way Out book (along with tons of others) - kinda half hearted hoping I would be cured be just reading - that didn't work.

You are right that when I said my drinking was not out of control that was wrong. I guess I play tricks with myself about this because I am not a mean drunk or do crazy things. I just drink because I am lonely and basically watch TV and drink til I fall asleep. I have self esteem issues, basically afraid to let anyone get close to me. Physically there is nothing wrong with me (except drinking has caused me to gain 50lbs). I have never had problems with guys flirting with me - especially when I was thin. But I would never date any of them or let them get to know me past any superficial level. I would worry that they would not like me or that they would hurt me (mentally or physically). When I did have friends they either used me or treated me poorly. I guess because I don't feel good about me I attract friends who don't care about me either.

Just writing this is making me very sad - this is no way to live but I don't know how to fix it. If I stop drinking I have no idea how to deal with these feelings. I have felt this way my whole life and at 43 how do you fix that?