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    #1

    almost killed myself lastnight.

    hi everyone
    9 am tuesday here (uk)
    i have to go into school tonight to watch my little girl sing. most of you know i have been absent from my job at the school for some time now and going near the place gives me panic attacks. lastnight i was so worried about having to go, i knew i wouldn't get any sleep, so when my husband went to bed, i drank a bottle of beer, half a bottle of brandy and some bacardi breezer. then i took 30 mg of morphine. i later panicked and tried to vomit to no avail, thought about waking my husband but didn't and put myself to bed to let fate decide.

    i don't know why i did it. i don't think i wanted to kill myself, i think i just wanted to be as numb as possible, knock myself out and sleep my troubles away. then when i couldn't vomit them up i kind of thought 'oh well if i die, i die'.

    when i've woke this morning, i'm in a kind of haze. i got a fright upon remembering. i saw all the empty bottles and pill packets and told my husband what i'd done. my head is all over the place and my tummy hurts. i'm at the doc this afternoon to discuss which anxiety and depression meds are suitable for me. i don't know whether to tell him what i've done or not.

    my sister wants me to pack my job in to help with the anxiety and get well, but i don't know what to do. i wish i could run away to a quiet empty room for a while. big cry for help, but i don't know what you guys can say??
    The mind will intellectualize it, the heart will emotionalize it, yet the gut never lies.

    https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9/girly-wirly-s-toolbox-2-45452.html
    Tags: None
    #2
    almost killed myself lastnight.

    Oh Girly, tell him every little detail, this could so easily have ended in tragedy. You need to discuss this with him, I am sure it will help. Think of your little girl.
    Ethanol is a toxic chemical, why would I drink it?

    Comment

      #3
      almost killed myself lastnight.

      KTAB;887196 wrote: Oh Girly, tell him every little detail, this could so easily have ended in tragedy. You need to discuss this with him, I am sure it will help. Think of your little girl.
      girls ktab, i have 2! i'm scared for my job, if i tell him it will go on my medical records.
      The mind will intellectualize it, the heart will emotionalize it, yet the gut never lies.

      https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9/girly-wirly-s-toolbox-2-45452.html

      Comment

        #4
        almost killed myself lastnight.

        Oh girly,
        The time has come when you have got to come clean with your doctor. Forget about your health records. This is getting dangerous. Your sister and husband must be beside themselves with worry.
        It could be worse, I could be filing.
        AF since 7/7/2009

        Comment

          #5
          almost killed myself lastnight.

          It is more important that you are totally honest with your doctor. Besides which whatever goes on your medical records is private, there is no reason for your job to ever find out anything.
          Ethanol is a toxic chemical, why would I drink it?

          Comment

            #6
            almost killed myself lastnight.

            girly wirly;887199 wrote: girls ktab, i have 2! i'm scared for my job, if i tell him it will go on my medical records.
            girly, the school can only look at your medical records if you give them written permission. I'm starting a new job working with children and filled in all the medical questions with complete honesty.
            It could be worse, I could be filing.
            AF since 7/7/2009

            Comment

              #7
              almost killed myself lastnight.

              Hi Girly Wirly
              Thanks for sharing where your at and what's happening with you. Sounds like you've had a hard time and struggling to cope. Seems to me you need to slow down and take things one step at a time, one minute at a time, easy does it.

              I think your daughter needs her mother to get well first, as a priority. I'd say if going to the school gives you a panic attack then don't go there. Whatever drives you to binge drinking should be avoided at this time.

              You need to build up your strenght, be gentle on yourself, you need lots of water, good food, gentle excercise, easy listening music, positive kind thoughts in your head. You don't have to solve all your problems instantly, just begin a little at a time...you can create a better life.

              Let us know, how you go
              Hazeleyes
              Allen Carr’s book changed everything for me. The easyway to control alcohol. Highly recommended

              Comment

                #8
                almost killed myself lastnight.

                Better to come clean than not know what is being written on your records - yes Drs will write whatever they think the diagnosis is. If you are seen to be asking for help then it's much better.

                I remember when I was drinking a lot I'd do similar things and it was the AL driving me to that end.

                Comment

                  #9
                  almost killed myself lastnight.

                  girly wirly;887189 wrote:
                  i wish i could run away to a quiet empty room for a while.
                  Have you thought about rehab? It would give you some time and space and help. You could ask your doctor about it this afternoon.

                  It's on my medical records that I asked my doctor for help to stop drinking and it hasn't made any difference to anything. It's private and confidential, and your doctor sees people with drink problems all the time so don't worry about s/he will think.
                  sigpic
                  AF since December 22nd 2008
                  Real change is difficult, and slow, and messy - Oliver Burkeman

                  Comment

                    #10
                    almost killed myself lastnight.

                    marshy rehab scares the shit out of me. no way.
                    The mind will intellectualize it, the heart will emotionalize it, yet the gut never lies.

                    https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9/girly-wirly-s-toolbox-2-45452.html

                    Comment

                      #11
                      almost killed myself lastnight.

                      girly, you really need to take some serious action. talk to your doctor honestly.i have done a similar thing with my insulin after drinking. took a huge dose and went to sleep hoping to numb, not sure that i wanted to kill myself but easily could have done. I WOULD NEVER HAVE DONE THAT SOBER and i dont imagine you would either. i did this again and ended up in hospital and this time i couldnt hide the facts from the doctors. it was actually a great relief to be honest with them about how i felt and they got serious with me about help. they can only help you if they know whats wrong. you got a fright, thank god you woke up to get the fright. just think what would have happened if you hadnt. you really must be straight with your doc. surely you realize this has gone too far, please dont let this happen again. take care and be strong
                      Today is the tomorrow i worried about yesterday and it turned out fine
                      Keep passing the open windows

                      Comment

                        #12
                        almost killed myself lastnight.

                        girly wirly;887225 wrote: marshy rehab scares the shit out of me. no way.
                        Well, you mightn't be aware of it, but i'd say you've just scared the shit out your daughter's and husband! Do you think this is likely to happen again soon, Girly?

                        'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

                        Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

                        Comment

                          #13
                          almost killed myself lastnight.

                          Guitarista;887228 wrote: Well, you mightn't be aware of it, but i'd say you've just scared the shit out your daughter's and husband! Do you think this is likely to happen again soon, Girly?
                          i don't know, i hope not x
                          The mind will intellectualize it, the heart will emotionalize it, yet the gut never lies.

                          https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9/girly-wirly-s-toolbox-2-45452.html

                          Comment

                            #14
                            almost killed myself lastnight.

                            girly wirly;887230 wrote: i don't know, i hope not x
                            So what are you going to do?

                            'I am part of all that I have met, yet all experience is an arch wherethro', gleams that untravelled world whose margins fade, forever and forever when I move'

                            Zen soul Warrior. Freedom today-

                            Comment

                              #15
                              almost killed myself lastnight.

                              Guitarista;887232 wrote: So what are you going to do?
                              i truly don't know :-( im off to my sisters now to talk with her.
                              The mind will intellectualize it, the heart will emotionalize it, yet the gut never lies.

                              https://www.mywayout.org/community/f9/girly-wirly-s-toolbox-2-45452.html

                              Comment

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