I've been here before...

[crybaby]

I know I need to stop drinking. I WANT to stop drinking. I went home to my Mom's for three days...no AL there, so no drinking. I slept better than I have in months! Now, back home and drank last night...so bored, and so lonely. I have no friends. All I do is work, clean my house, and drink. I am miserable in my marriage. I drink until I pass out every night. Then, in the morning, I hate myself. My husband is an alcoholic, and I know our marriage is intrinsically linked to our drinking; we have NOTHING else in common except our children. My kids would be horrified if we were to divorce...so I stay in the marriage, and I drink.... I feel I can't stop and can't get out of this life. Please offer some help. Thank you.

-cry

[Tabbers (a.k.a. KTAB)]

I've been here before...

Hello CB I cant know what it is like to be in a marriage like yours but I do know only too well what it is like to be stuck in a vicious cycle of drink-hangover-regret-loss of self respect-never again-oh just the one wont hurt-drunk yet again........continue ad naseum.
One day we have to wake up and say enough is enough, I deserve not to ruin my life like this, my kids deserve a sober mum/dad and that day may as well be today. Take it one hour at a time, ODAT. There is lots of support and advice here but first you must really want this with all your heart and soul, otherwise it just wont work.
Has that day arrived? I truly hope it has.

[Guest]

I've been here before...

I've been in relationships with other alcoholics(although they would deny this) and it was very destructive. Not good at all.

[rebirth]

I've been here before...

Hi crybaby,
I was in a relationship where we both drank very heavily. You need to break this vicious cycle! Have you tried talking to a helpline? What about AA? It wont do you any harm in going to one meeting? That's how I started. AA was my life saver. I never thought I could live life without alcohol! I am an alcoholic but i have managed ( through trial and error) to not drink for over 6 weeks. It is impossible. You just need to make the first steps in getting some help. All the best. Big hug. x

[Doggygirl]

I've been here before...

Hi crybaby. I too am familiar with that viscious cycle of drinking, drunken nights, hangovers, regret, broken promises to myself, repeat. Like you, part of my cycle included lonliness and boredom. But you know what I figured out? I wasn't drinking because I was lonely and bored. I was lonely and bored because I was drinking.

Whatever you decide to do about your marriage, you can still get sober. You can still get out and find some meaning in your life. You can still get out there and make some friends.

I hate to suggest AA as 1) this is not an AA oriented site and 2) I hated the very thought of AA for an extremely long time. But I will say that I also started going to AA, and among the many benefits beyond "just" sobriety, I have made a lot of new sober friends there. Might be a place to start.

Have you read the My Way Out book? The toolbox thread? (at the top of the Monthly Abstinence section) Made a written plan for how you are going to stop drinking? Once you stop drinking, you can start figuring out the rest of your life in a more grounded and rational way than what is possible when drinking all the time. (at least it was that way for me)

Strength and hope to you,

DG

[Zeppie2]

I've been here before...

Hiya Crybaby - I'm sorry to hear of your plight. Give 30 days AF a go, it will be difficult if your husband is an alcoholic but if you are determined enough you can do it.

It will be worth it for both you and your kids.
stick around and let us know how you are getting on
love zep

[hart]

I've been here before...

Cry, my hubby and I are both alcoholics. We both stopped for over 30 days, then started for no good reason. We were in a rut, as well. I do love my hubby and he me but we were stifled in the some routine, wasting lots of money and having no enjoyment in life.

We are both 40 days AF today. We are closer, working together on a project and I've lost weight and Joe is developing muscles and we are sleeping better, getting along, it can be done, if you husband wants to make the relationship work he will try, if not, what kind of example are you showing your kids, that it's okay to be miserable in a relationship? Kids pick up more than you think.

[rebirth]

I've been here before...

Wow. Good going hart!

[Doggygirl]

I've been here before...

Hart, huge congrats to both you and hubby.

DG

[Bruunhilde]

I've been here before...

Crybaby, don't feel alone, I'm crying too, and just ordered some bac-whatever it is, I have been here before and used Topamax..... I'm jealous you don't have to work because although it's maybe perhaps a little wrong to blame work completely, since I've used since my teens, for fun, now I blame half of my excess use on excess/exteme/excrutiating stress due to work/financial stuff. If I didn't have to worry about my corporate job and my house having lost every dollar I put into it, I could have a mid life crisis and quit my life-sucking job and do something that fed my soul, rather than sucked it out.

[Bruunhilde]

I've been here before...

Sorry, Crybaby, I'm also consumed in my own hell ... I'm in the same place.

[janka]

I've been here before...

Hi Cry, hope u are feeling better. I was in a horrible marriage for 20+ years, would never think of walking away. But when I did, there was a big sigh of relief, for me and my kids. Just feel better, get healthy, first. Slowly ... but surely ... baby steps ... ok?

[janka]

I've been here before...

Hart!!! You are a trooper ... congrats!!!!

[August22]

I've been here before...

CRYBABY, I Know exactley how you are feeling, I have been AF since 5th July, because I read about this site. I knew I wanted to STOP DRINKING, But My husband was not ready, So I MADE THE DECISION to GIVE UP Alcholol, he is still drinking, and i am drinking cranberry juice. he is still an alcoholic, and i am getting there to not be an alcoholic. I have had a drink or two not wanting to lie, but I have lost 7lb in this month, which ecuates just over 3Kg I don't iknow where it's gone, but maybe my liver weighs a few pound leighter. haha. Your Husband sounds very much like mine.he dosn't think that drinking is KILLING HIM, my husband thinks that he is "SOUND" "Drink does not afftect him" HA