Thoughts, advice, please!?

[sunshine_gg]

Hi guys,

On holidays, visiting my parents at their cottage. Dad is recovered (?) alcoholic for over 20 years. Mum is convinced that he's swiping morphine and sleeping pills. I went looking for a wheel barrow in the garage, found loads of empties, beer, whiskey, and a juice bottle which had a mix in it (but also empty now).

Mum is in horrible shape (both physically and mentally) and completely dependent on him, he is in obvious pain (but won't tell her the half of it) - my own addicted mind is jumping to terrible conclusions here, or is it? What do I do?

Cannot tell/ask Mom - out of the question. Should I ask Dad? My thought is to ask Dad for a favor and have him come to an AA meeting with me here (he got clean with AA and was very involved for a long time). Either way, I want to give this a little thought and keep an eye on him in the meantime.

Your thoughts please????? Thank you guys, you were my first thought to check with.

[Chillgirl]

Thoughts, advice, please!?

Sunny I'm so sorry, what a horrible situation. When you say you Dad is in pain do you mean physically? Your poor Mum, I would totally agree not to discuss with her if she is in a frail condition. How is your relationship with your Dad? Are you able to broach the subject with him? I know it's the toughest conversation to have but the truth is always best and maybe it would be a relief for him to get it out?

[tlrgs]

Thoughts, advice, please!?

yesask him to join you to a meetingand when that convo is going just pop the question nhim asking how are things withhim and how things are going for him being af for so long ..kinda revse sicolgey

[Guitarista]

Thoughts, advice, please!?

Hi Sunny,

Maybe talk directly with him if you can. If he's swiping the morphine, i wonder why, and can the reason's be addressed? Re AA meeting, maybe you could ask him to come along to accompany you. It could be difficult to get him to open up to you, but i hope you can get a conversation going about your and your mum's concern's.

Best of luck.

[sunshinedaisies]

Thoughts, advice, please!?

I think to spring it on him at an AA meeting would be unfair to him and totally embarrassing for him, if he has started again. Just my personal opinion - can you talk to him and say that you had to go in the garage for something and ask about the bottles? Why would your mum think he is swiping morphine - and from where?

I feel for you - it is so hard when it is your dad - or it would be if it were mine - I idolized my dad (alcoholic or not - he loved me) - but you do need to talk to him, but I honestly feel it would be better one on one - not in front of others. Just my opinion - whatever you end up deciding to do Sunny - I wish you all the best - not an easy task whatever you decide. let us know.

Hugs, Sunshinedaisies x

[Doggygirl]

Thoughts, advice, please!?

Sunshine, I love the suggestion of asking him to accompany you to an AA meeting, and then just letting things unfold from there if he is willing to go. Since he got sober in AA, that would probably not seem strange to him at all. And if he has stuff to fess up to, that would be entirely up to him as that's just how it is in AA.

I was at a Women's AA meeting today and the chair person told an interesting story. She is the Mom of 11 children and it was her 18 year old daughter who introduced HER to AA. Her daughter subsequently relapsed but Mom got sober. Mom recently was going through some challenges and seriously thought about drinking. It was at this very time that her daughter approached her, and said "Mom, I want to go with you back to AA."

She used that as an example of "evidence" that help is always there in AA. I thought the family connection was interesting when I read your post. I hope you go with the flow of things and let the energy out there in the universe help you and your Dad along.

DG

[greeneyes]

Thoughts, advice, please!?

I think that the universe "meant" you to find those things, gg. Now what to do with it? I vote for the AA meeting too. I bet if you're quiet and still, for a bit, your heart will help you with what to do and the timing of it.

[techie]

Thoughts, advice, please!?

You know when I had pain severe pain. I was given pain meds , many pills. No more pain now thank God. I had no idea when the pain stopped. I knew damn well sure when my script was runniing low. I did get addicted ala my personality. I am on an alternate pain program now with nsaids and nutrition. Even severe pain can be treated without narcotics. If not they're life savers!

excuse errors I'm having blkberry key entry probs

[Ringing Cedars]

Thoughts, advice, please!?

Hey Sunny, I vote for the AA approach too. It will give him the opportunity to open up first. If he doesn't I agree that you would want to confront him with your discovery and concerns. You can't sit on it and let it fester for your own sanity and hopefully it will be the "medicine" your dad needs to get clean again. Sorry this is happening to you, especially on an overdue holiday. :l

[sunshine_gg]

Thoughts, advice, please!?

Thank you, guys!!!!!
Sunshinedaisies... my plan wasn't to 'call him out' at an AA meeting, but more to trigger something and give him the opportunity to 'admit' whether that is publicly, or even just to himself. Knowing my dad, I think he would laugh it off if I asked him directly. And the morphin is my Mom's - she's on a ton of heavy duty meds.


Anyhow, I will give it a day or two and like I said.. I'm keeping an eye on him. Thank you, dear peeps... thanks so much!

[Ringing Cedars]

Thoughts, advice, please!?

Good luck Sunny....will be thinking of you and praying.

[sunshinedaisies]

Thoughts, advice, please!?

I am sorry - I totally misunderstood! I have only been to one AA meeting (30 years ago as I had asked my dad to go to one and he wanted me to go with him for support - not 'cos I had a problem - then!!) and this one - well, it would have meant calling him on it as that is the way this meeting was set up - mea culpa!! I feel for you with the problem either way and hope that you manage to find a suitable way out for it. please let us know how it goes....

hugs, sunshinedaisies x

[buddabelly]

Thoughts, advice, please!?

Hi Sunny, what a hard call to make when its family. I read something the other day, cos I was tempted to say something to my sis, it's that good example is better than any lecture we can give. And I think its oh so true. I gotta remember powerless, people and things.

Good luck, they are lucky to have a daughter like you !

[Kimberley]

Thoughts, advice, please!?

Hey Sunny,

That's a really difficult one - and it's hard for us to call as we don't know your family and your dad's temperament. Sorry to say, but it does sound like he's been drinking. Why would he be taking the morphine? Is he ill? What is going on?

I think your idea of getting him to go to AA with you is a great one, especially since it helped him before. Just maybe see if you can go to an earlyish one so he doesn't have the chance to have a drink (if he is doing that) - just a little al in the system can sometimes change your mindset so you're not really taking stuff in if you know what I mean.

Sounds like things are really tough for your family right now so I am sending you a big :l

K x

[papmom3]

Thoughts, advice, please!?

Hey Sunni-thinking of you and your folks as well. I think the Universe sent you on holiday there for a reason. Your dad had to have known he would be found out when you got there and the fact he didn't clean up the empties is a cry for help. You've got a really tough decision there, but you have good instincts and a good mind and heart. You will do the right thing for everyone involved.
Big :l!!